I pray that since I went NC, he might begin to look within. Since you have NO control over him, why not just look within YOURSELF and gain enough confidence to want to be treated right by a different man. OR be on your own, yet happy.
This man is bad news. He has told you so and he acts consistent with that. He's a user.
Did you understand my last post to you or get the book I mentioned? Your posts seem all about how to get THIS man back.
My question is, why do you want HIM?
We have been off and on for 13 years, and I know I enabled him to come and go.
What is different now, about you? Seems to me You are merely using a different tactic -- but it's still all about getting him back.
YOU must change YOU. Your choices for the past 13 years don't appear to have been healthy ones, do they?
I do take responsibilty in this relationship
meaning what? Be specific. What do you take responsibility for? Enabling him? Wanting someone who you know is not going to treat you right?
Being co dependent? What is it you feel responsible for?
and am willing to work on me! Who knows if he will?
Work on you and stop caring or noticing if he does. I'm a big supporter of marriages but not at all cost. The price for being married to THIS guy is too high...
And fwiw, I doubt he will ever work on himself. Why would he??
He never has before, and it's worked just fine for HIM...leaving a trail of broken vows and hearts behind him ...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
He was born out of an affair. He has always told me he dosent know if he can be faithful! Duh!
he's a walking advertisement for a man who uses women but comforts himself with the fact that he "warned them"...and
he has warned you. ANd shown you that he DOES NOT want to be faithful and does not think those rules apply to him.
If that's a deal breaker for you then that's that.
My question is, do you have any deal breakers?
I mean dig down deep and ask yourself this:
If he came back to you & said he "really loves you" BUT
also said (or indicated) he'd "probably still have trouble being faithful"
you'd take him back, wouldn't you?
To me, that's what you need to work on in you. Don't accept that.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
No, I am not accepting that! There were many wonderful years between his ML C.He's not a horrible man, he is a very screwed up man. As a Christian, I find the good in everyone. And yes, I do take responsibility for enabling him. I really loved this man and fought for our marriage for a long time. At this point, I am trying to heal from my Mother dying, my kids father dying, losing my ex, and losing my career. Its been an extremely hard year. Kee
I too can relate to this behavior. I have just recently went through a divorce in which my wife was the one who walked away. I have clear evidence that every relationship she has had, when things got rocky she turned her back and ran from the relationship claiming that she wanted to be "happy" well after running from 3 relationships that I know of....she is still trying to find "happiness". unfortunatley I believe this is a sickness and a behavior that can only be broken by them once they realize this is repetitive. Nothing we can do. They do not know how to handle conflict so they run instead of facing the issues. Thimking that running to the next will fix the problem when in reality they are just forwarding thier issues to another relationship
Me 33 W 32 Married 10/13/12 WAW Started sleeping in spare room 1/13/13 Divorce filed 2/13/13 Seperated 3/1/13 till ????????? Divorced 5/28/13
Did i read that signature block right? you were married a few months and then "hit a rocky time"?
that's darn early to hit a rough patch...maybe she bolted b/c she realized it was a mistake & wanted to cut her losses early.
Regardless, in either case what are YOU working on so YOUR LIFE is better?
That's all you control here, YOUR LIFE...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Kee, you say you had many wonderful years... a lot of MLCers and WAH's revise their marital history to say how horrible it "always was"
and a lot of LBSers say 'it was wonderful UNTIL OW, or MLC", or etc....
the point is to see things for how they really were so you can assess what you truly want.
Here is what you wrote in your first post of this thread (the only one I"ve read)
Originally Posted By: KEE
My ex h and I divorced during his MLC. We have been together or in contact when he has ran the entire 13 years. Two years ago, he ran again and I moved home. See the disconnect?
For the last two years he has stayed in contact, telling me he was sorry, telling me if he could have his way he would want us back, telling me that I taught him about love and he will never love another woman like me.
He texted me on Mothers Day and when I responded he said it hurt him to much to talk to me and he was in a new relationship but didnt know where it was going. I have now initated NC. Why would he give me hope only to crush it?
He did not care if he gave YOU hope. Nor did he care if it crushed you. Doubt he "intended" either...the point was all about HIM>
HE wanted to know you were there for him as a backup. Once he knew that, no further contact was needed...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks for the responses! They are exactly right! I woke up today with a new sense of self worth and self esteem. I am confident that he will never have anyone who was as good as me or who gave him unconditional love. That's his loss and I have to do what's best for me. I have just been struggling so much regarding my career and where I want to be. Although, I always wanted to get a degree in what I did, my ex and I left the state we were in to do it together. Now he is there with OW, and I am here with no job after I worked so hard.
Jaytee, Your exactly right! I have evidence of my ex running from every former relationship as well. None of his relationships ever last because any conflict makes him run. I have addressed this with him many times. Does the fog ever lift? Will they ever look within?
You saying it was all about him is exactly right. I had just witness my Mom dying and I called him. I was sobbing and he couldn't accept my pain because he was in pain about something. I screamed at him that day telling him this is not about you! So selfish!
