My W emailed me earlier today about the house payment money. I emailed her back and told her that I got my check very late in the day and I was unable to cash it and get to the CU to make the deposit before it closed.
She emailed again asking me for the information for the divorce paperwork. I did not reply to this email.
She then emailed me again and told me she was going to let the house go into foreclosure. Sigh. I have not responded to this email, either.
Help. I am honestly at a loss at what to do here.
I am not happy she is making a financial decision that is going to have a massive impact on my life. Funny, I am not angry. I am saddened. I am frustrated.
I called her XH because we are buddies. He told me a lot of good words. He told me that he has always liked me even when I was in my crisis time. He told me that SD loves me as much as she would as if I was her "real" father. She considers me to be her second Dad. I like that.
So, I need to respond to these emails and I have no idea what i should say. I have thoughts of laying all my cards out on the table but don't really don't think that is the correct course of action.
Seriously... I need some help before I get myself into trouble...
uR... Mach... Sandi... labug... I need your sage words and advice.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
One of the 180's I chose to do is not react to her e-mails in a reactive manner. When we have issues in the past, the texts and emails we bantered back and forth were pretty "poking"... for lack of a better word.
Cripes, I don't know how to feel right now. I want to be angry but I just can't summon it up. It isn't that I feel numb, either. I feel things, like I said before.
I know I am rambling but it is keeping me busy from doing or saying something that I know that I am going to regret. I read what Sandi wrote on Swede's post and re-reread. I might actually copy and paste it for myself to keep reading it until it becomes rote.
Maybe it is time for an ice cream sandwich...
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
There's a lot of stuff in that first post...what exactly are you having trouble with?
You feel something, but maybe you don't want to...thus the ice cream sandwich. Don't be afraid to feel, really, sit down and figure out what you are feeling.
When you run from them, they always come back.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Okay, I am now starting to feel angry. She is making decisions with no regard to the fallout. This is the third time she has walked away from a house. I am feeling angry because of what this is going to do to me financially.
I don't want a divorce. I am not going to stand in the way of her doing what she is going to do but I sure as heck am not going to help her and pave the way for her to do it.
She stated in the one email that she wants this to be amicable. Really? Like any divorce is amicable. Oh! Arghhhhhh!
Then her XH told me that her daughter told him that if she wasn't her mother that she would have nothing to do with her because she is extremely self-destructive. Her daughter is do PO'd about all of this.
I am feeling a lot more right now than I was before. I am not reacting negatively to this, though. I am breathing and thinking it out instead just screaming and beating something.
It seems as though her divorce info requests didn't elicit enough of a response so she stepped it up. Conjecture, maybe, but that is the way it feels right now. She didn't get a rise out of me from one thing so she tries another.
So she tells the credit union that this is her choice... WTF.
Frustration is setting in... AUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
How do I respond to this stuff?
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
I was just thinking... aren't we a freaking pair? Our self-destructive behaviors... the crap we do/did to each other...
Now that I have a different perspective of things it sure seems crazy. This is just not normal. I am wondering if she is going through the same kind of I did.
Just thinking out loud instead of letting it fester in my head and causing a cranial explosion.
Where is my coffee?
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
So what is the answer to the D paperwork question?
You said this: I don't want a divorce. I am not going to stand in the way of her doing what she is going to do but I sure as heck am not going to help her and pave the way for her to do it.
How does not answering her about the paperwork help you?
I'm not up on the house situation, is it also your house? Are you on the loan? If the 2 of you can't afford the house, what are your choices?
Your feelings won't hurt you although sometimes it seems that way.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
She doesn't need all the info she requested to file for a divorce. Only if it is going to be uncontested.
On the house... it is just another house she is dumping off on someone else to worry about. She did it to her first two husbands... walked away from the house to let them deal with. I didn't find out a lot about her history until a couple of years ago. She rewrote a lot of stuff.
Yeah. I am angry right now but I am dealing with it. No slamming doors... pounding on something...
It isn't a question about affording the house. It is just another example of her quitting. She quit on J. She on D. she quit on her career. She has a pattern of quitting when there might be some work involved.
Yes, it is always seems easier to quit but it really isn't.
Feelings do hurt. I am not kidding myself. But what hurts more is stuffing them. Why save them for later when we can enjoy them now?
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
