I think this step will be helpful, even though it hurts like he11. It will give you both space and time.
Even what she says in front of the kids and comments like she is not sure, to me shows she is very confused.
Take the gift of time and now space.
You are doing great buddy!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Grizz, I think the only thing for you to do is to continue DB-ing, GAL, and establishing a new life for yourself and your girls. Hopefully, your W will see how things have changed and see that separating wasn't everything that she envisioned. If not that, then at least you'll be in a better position emotionally and able to go forward with your life with or without your W.
Grizz, Hang in there buddy. You are a strong person. Continue to work on yourself and be the best Grizz you can be. I do think this is a positive if you look at it that way. I can honestly say that if we didn't separate and be apart that my W and I would be nowhere close to where we are right now. Space will give her chance to see that it's not so rosy without you. Hang in there. All the best
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Hi. I feel so sorry for you. I feel like I am just a step from facing what you are going thro right now. My husband is very hurt & bitter about some mistakes I have made & I am getting a lot of blame. We sure don't know how to communicate. My husband has stopped going to church because he feels like I have smeared his reputation. I don't agree but that doesn't change anything. He is spending a lot of his time w/ friends that feel the same way. They are hostile against me & 1 of them is his special friend. H e has made it clear that his friends come before me. I have been BD since apr & things just steadily get worse. I am up against some brick walls..his friends don't like me, he's in love w/ someone else,his friends have taken up a loose lifestyle & I no longer fit in,I had a PA after he had 2 EA but he wouldn't see them as affairs because they did not have sex..just kissing,buying gifts, spending time 2gether, saying I love you, etc. They killed me...I would have killed a dragon 4 him but he didn't want me 2 fight 4 him. I gave up & had a PA. He was very hurt but there was no longterm ill effects till the girl he loved moved next door. Then our marriage fell apart...11 mo later. I wish I new how to start my own thread bcause I need help, advice etc. I pray she will see your loyalty & return. Take care
H;30 M;31 M9yr D9 D7 D3 H EA 2009 EA 11 Me PA 2012 H-ILYBNIL 5/13 in EA maybe PA
Man have the last several days been crazy. First of all, I can't thank everyone on here enough for the support and encouragement. I haven't been posting as much recently because it has been so hectic with the move, the kids, work etc. However, I have definitely continued to read all of the posts that I have received. They have been very uplifting. Thank you again.
As you know, W has moved out. She is very torn however. She is very confused (as am I) and now says that she thinks she may have made a mistake. She told me she loved me 2 days ago (first time in months). She asked me last night to stay at her apartment with her (I did). Very confusing for everyone involved. The girls were asleep when I stayed and I was up before them. They don't know I stayed. Likely very confusing to them if they saw that.
Now with that said, I realize that alot of this talk can just be fear, regret or many others things. It doesn't necessarily mean that she wants to work on anything. I HAVE to stay guarded with my feelings. I cannot allow myself to take the mental beating that I took several months ago. BUT, this is the first time that she has ever even mentioned anything about US in the past 6 months. I will take that as a good sign but have no expectations of anything. She signed a six month lease so the next six months should be very interesting. There will be alot of continued growth over that time period.
The girls have done fairly well. D8 asked my last night if I was going to be OK staying by myself. She also asked me if i would be sad if she liked Mom's new apartment. Things like that just break my heart. But all in all, I think that are doing well.
I still want my wife and family back!
On to other things. Our city wide softball tournament starts tomorrow. We won our division. Finished the regular season 8-1. Hopefully we will have a good showing in the tournament. I am playing golf on Saturday. Then Sunday, the entire family, along with another family, is going to an amusement park. Should be fun. I am finally at the point to where I can have fun when W is around. I have not been able to do that in a long time. I was always too sad. It is nice to slowly get away from that.
There will be rough days ahead. Some worse than others but I just hope and pray that my future will be with my 3 wonderful ladies.
Again, thanks for the support (keep it coming) and please continue to pray for us.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Sounds great that you're able to do things as YOU want to, even though you know it might be a bit difficult. It sounds like there might be some hope yet for your R -- but you're doing the right thing keeping the expectations in check. Good luck with the softball!
Me 47 W 44 T 17 years, M 15 years D13, D10 March 2013 -- broke a trust/cheated late May 2013 -- W spoke of separation for first time June 2013 -- began reading DB
Grizz, good to see you post again. I would suggest not to be too available to her or do too much for her. Let your W own the repercussions of her actions. The other thing is that whenever you interact, you need to be the best Grizz there is. Dress nice, PMA, project confidence, etc.
In my case, the DB coach and I analyzed the situation and we find that my W wants excitement, romance, etc. So I've made an effort that when we do things together they are exciting. For example, this Friday we will do a "date night" and I'm taking her rock climbing. The message over time is that I can be exciting, our marriage can be exciting.
In your case, you need to know what is your W missing from the relationship? what made her unhappy? In your interactions with her, provide this. I think the amusement park is a great idea. Try to "date" her once a week or every other week.
It might sound harsh, but doing nice things for your W will not necessarily bring her back. Fixing problems for her and her new apartment won't make her want to return. Determine what things will, and then do those things only.
Long time since I posted in your thread but I am following you and pulling all I can. I will put you and your family in my prayers and hope all the best!
I think youre doing the right thing in protecting yourself regarding the feelings. Keep on your path - it seems like there's a little crack in the wall.
Hopefully the VETs will advice you on how to react but for the moment I think youre doing right in just validating.
All the best! F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
Okay, first off, a disclaimer, in my sitch I have done things differently. My situation is a little different, due to the fact that we were already pretty much living apart for four years already, before BD.
Now, that said, lol, I agree. Do not make yourself too available. Make your home with Ds a place she wants to be. What does that require from you? Keeping it tidy? Always being fun and cheerful when she pops by? "Oh, we are just headed to the park"....when an unannounced visit comes.
She has to want to be there and of course, want to be with you. But she also has to stand on her own, because it is what she wanted.
Just now, do I get hints of H missing this place (interspersed with he loves his) and once in a while, hints through his emails etc. that it perhaps wasn't him letting us all go that will make him happy....
This can be a time of true growth for you both, but you have to let it happen. For you and for her.
