WAW just said that she wants to move on

[Thumpered]

I hear ya on the job factor, after the crash on the economy, the company I worked for 17 years closed its doors, I got another job within 6-8 months, but they closed its doors (construction companies took big hits), I must have been a real treat to live with, I didn't find out till BD day and the counseling started that i'd been in a funk depression for almost 2 years cause I didn't feel like I was supporting my family the way I was used to. Even thou I had started my own company at that point, it was a terrible market to be in, and the wages just weren't there to make. I focused on penny pinching so we didn't get behind.

I'm glad you realize what you were doing wrong, and what you need to address the issues, hopefully its not too late. Give it time, lots of time. My counselor said a year would be about standard for this type of sitch. So being patient is key.

I hope your short term goals continue to work out for ya, with a good luck towards the housing portfolio.

Hang in there Con.

[Confluences]

Thanks, Thump~
It is hard out there but I think the key is finding something that you're passionate about doing and often times whatever that "thing" is actually finds you to where you are immediately drawn to it. One of the 4 Owner/Partners of this portfolio became a mentor-type to me and has encouraged me along the way that I can get this done. This was always the end-game in the short-term but a lot of things got neglected that caused the WAW syndrome along the way in this pursuit and that is my fault. Part of me feels like I lost my mind at times during this process but the job situation got to be such a nightmare that you just want to rely on yourself to get things done. There's such an element of betrayal, knowing that you've been successful out there and the rug got pulled out from underneath your feet but you end up following your passions and that is what keeps you going. Hang in there yourself. My Wife's co-worker/friend was a WAW about 2 years ago and as the 1 year marked approached, she got back with her LBS...so there is hope but I agree with the 1 year apart scenario. I got to accept the loneliness as part of the process, so that if it does work-out then you'll not take anything for granted moving forward. The uncertainty is the hardest part, knowing that there are no guarantees is what pains me the most. We're all day-by-day.

[slow_it_down]

So how about that Kayak? You mentioned you were going to get back into it a few posts back... Any luck getting out on the water?

[FlyOnTheWall]

Had to create a new user profile as I found out my wife has been reading my posts.

Anyways, you sound like your in a good place, understand the sitch/issues, your accountability in it, but also that its not ALL you either. The one part of it, I guess we may never get answers to, is the why they actually run. What was the straw that broke it open?

Interesting statement about your wife's coworker, I wonder what the husband was doing during the seperation(DB?) or did she finally just realize the problems weren't what she thought they were? Did she have an affair?

[Confluences]

I have to go to the whitewater training center in Charlotte for some clinics (http://usnwc.org/) to get re-acclimated to whitewater. It's been 4 years since I've been on the water and I need to get my whitewater roll back before getting on a Class III river.

It's the most challenging thing that I've done because so much of it is mental conditioning and counter-intuitive thinking (like DB/DR)and there's a rebuilding phase that I need to go thru first prior to get my confidence back, kind of like rebuilding a relationship.....takes time, effort, and patience. I hope to be there next month.

[Confluences]

Hey FlyOTW~

I am apologizing upfront for being long-winded and rambling but this actually helps me by discussing it in writing, so here goes:

My situation is a direct result of small business finances/outstanding debts and the process of working on some financial instrument transactions that have taken forever to complete. My Limited JV Partner and I actually have one completed and another one in the final phases, just waiting on funds to be dispersed (this week or next week at the latest) and all of the outstanding debts will be resolved.

My WAW does not know how close we are to getting funded and I'm simply having my Bookkeeper/Accountant meet with her to show her what has been paid off without me there so that she can see the results for herself via a neutral 3rd Party. Actions speak louder than words, etc.

It's been a 3 year nightmare and I have stuck with it because I refused to declare bankruptcy because I knew doing that would be the death nail to our marriage but unfortunately this process refusing to declare it has bankrupted my marriage due to no guarantees of a completion date. It's my fault but I just need to get this done and see where the cards fall afterwards.

I have 5 people that I work with on a regular basis and I actually trust but it is a situation that we're trying to get this done and then get the heck out and move on to more stable things.

The end-game for me is to buy a portfolio of properties that I've been trying to acquire for 3 years and this will give me the money I need to bring to the table to get the financing done. It's been a painful, brutal process (due to a lot of liars, frauds, and morons that can't perform and waste months of your time) and I cannot talk about it with my WAW because she is done with the false promises that this will get done and she hates what I do worse then I hate it right now. My credibility is blown with her and I can only prove it at this point, then get the heck out of the broker game.

I know this portfolio will set us up forever with financial stability and it's something I actively want to work on to grow and manage. If we ultimately get divorced, then she will be very secure financially as a result of me seeing this through to completion and I can look in the mirror knowing that I left her in a good spot financially but I hope that she'll realize that there is a chance at enjoying a really good, stable life together.

There are no guarantees at this point that she'll actually come back around, which is why I have not seen her since 6-22-13 and spoken to her on the phone since 7-01-13...got to prove that this will be done. A very frustrating and unnerving process but actions, not words are my only option now.

Her co-worker (44 y/o) was running around on her husband with a younger OM but it lasted for a few months and no one really liked him. She had been married since 21 years old and never had a chance to live life at that age due to a kid and was in her own MLC but then she came to her senses. My WAW was 29 when she married me and was past all that but now she's getting the baby bug at 36 and if I can't get this financial situation worked out, then she'll move on to someone else that can provide for her. No pressure

That's weird that your wife is reading your posts, sounds like she may want to work things out.

[slow_it_down]

Confluences I love it every time you mention that you need to show vs tell her this will be taken care of and that you realize how important a stable financial situation is to your marriage. You really "get it" on two biggies that can affect a relationship.

In one of our MC sessions awhile back the counseler made a huge deal to my H about how women really need to feel security. It tough that you just sort of have to wait it out until the funds come through to be able to offer some security but you seem pretty patient waiting for your chance to show her so keep it up.

Also it's really loving of you to foresee her being financially secure even if things don't work out. Some people get spiteful and from your posts it sounds like you'd love nothing more than for her to mutually benefit from the things you are working on. Some people try to protect their hearts and money/possessions during separation but you are leaving yourself vulnerable on both until you are sure it's over so I'm rooting for you get a second chance when your funds come through/ and you get started on this new portfolio.

[Confluences]

Slow, I get it...it's just a matter of getting it done. I made a promise to my MIL that I would not leave her daughter in a bind financially and I intend to keep that promise because my MIL has been very supportive of me during this separation and really wants us to work things out. I have not spoken to my MIL since June, just prior to things hitting rock bottom on Jul 1st.

It's one of these things where it's not about the money, it's about making things right because if I can get this resolved this month and show her that it's done then I can relax knowing I accomplished the task.

If we ultimately work things out and weather the firestorm, then I know we can fix us but if we don't then it will be very unfortunate and sad. However, I do take solace in the WAW scenarios that the LBS will set themselves up to make a great 2nd husband as a result of all that they have learned from the WAW separation.

I read a saying on here that you have to let them go in order for them to want to come back to you and I have definitely let her go for right now, so that part of the equation is complete. Slow, I really appreciate the thoughtful words of encouragement about my attitude towards my WAW....those type of re-assurances matter right now, so thank you.

[FlyOnTheWall]

I think your in a good place Con, wish I was there with ya.

It sounds like the first major step in resolving some long standing issues is about to conclude. You are doing your part, and doing in with honor and integrity, what else can you do but wait a little, while moving on.

I'm hoping things truly work out for you.

[Confluences]

FOTW~ Thanks for the vote of confidence but it is still all talk right now. We're still haggling with getting funds released and hoping for good news this week. It's dragged-out for too long but we're keeping at it. It reinforces to me why my WAW was justified in walking away but it also reinforces to me that the problem still exists and has to get resolved by me simply not quitting. I'll keep you updated on progress.