My journey from "Yeah, buddy!" to "Yahubetcha!". LOL!
It's been a while since I posted and I thought that maybe I would give you all an update. I am now back in Minnesota and back in my house. My wife has moved out and I honestly don't know where to. I also don't give that a whole lot of thought. It doesn't affect me one way or the other where she is living. She is on her own journey now and she has to see where it leads her.
The last six weeks of been a real roller coaster ride. I came home to find my house extremely dirty. Yardwork had not been done all year. There was piles of stuff everywhere. I find it hard to believe that somebody could leave the house in this dirty of a condition.
My wife left a bunch of her stuff in the attic and in the basement. She tried her hardest to blame me that I didn't give her enough time to move out. She blamed the heat. She blamed people for a lack of help. It seems like she blamed everyone but herself. I did not respond to any of her accusations or finger-pointing. I just basically smiled, nodded and waved. I found it amusing that I packed up and loaded 28 foot box truck almost entirely by myself with all my belongings in less than a week and she felt that a little over a month wasn't enough time. Maybe more time packing and less time on Facebook would have worked for her... Just an observation... Not pointing fingers.
When I came home I found out that I probably had 10 to 15 of my vinyl LPs missing. Her boyfriend admitted to taking one. He also took my weed whacker, my DVD player, and my stereo equipment. I got everything but the stereo equipment back. I know I'm not gonna get the rest of my LPs back or my box of 45s because he refuses to admit he stole them. I guess what it boils down to is what price do you put on your integrity? Obviously his price is the LPs, a box of 45s, and my stereo equipment. Sure doesn't seem like it was a fair trade to me. Hey, what do I know? I'm just a sign guy...
Her boyfriend called me on my phone to admit that he had my one LP and that he was going to bring my stuff back. He then told me that he didn't want it to be awkward. I told him it was gonna be as awkward as he wanted it to be. I mean after all all he did was coming to my house and take things that didn't belong to him. So I asked him how awkward was that? So, the guy never showed up and sent his big fat ass buddy instead. I think that speaks a lot of his character.
For the past two weeks my wife has been emailing me and trying to push every button that she can possibly have access to. From the tone of the succession of emails it seems as though she was getting frustrated that I was not responding in a manner to which she was accustomed to. It doesn't seem as though she was ready for class and dignity.
I will admit that there were many times that I had to "fake it until I made it". It is been an ongoing battle to keep from backsliding into old habits and old thought processes. But like uR keeps telling me, I wake up every day and I tell myself that I am going to be the person that I know that I can be today.
I went and visited my old job when I got back. It seems as though I had trained my replacement far too well. He is doing his work in a very excellent and expedient manner. He is bringing his "A game" to the job just like I knew he would. I will say I was not terribly surprised. I was told that they wish they could bring me back but there really isn't a place for me right now.
I had a good lead on a job here in town but they have decided that since they had already hired someone that they were going to hold off for a while and see how things work out before bringing on another team member. The employment agency was very impressed with my skill set and is trying to find me work with somebody else even if it is a temp position. I thanked them for their efforts and told them that I appreciated them keeping me in mind.
I saw a job listing for a senior sign designer down in the Cities on Thursday. I sent off my cover letter and a copy of my resume and I received a call back within 30 minutes. In that time span he had gone on to the Internet and found my professional profile at LinkedIn. He saw my portfolio and was really impressed with the quality of my work. We had a good 40 minute chat and he wants to bring me in for an interview this coming week. While I am not looking forward to the hour and 20 minute commute every day going in and the same coming home. However it sounds as though the job will pay well and have excellent benefits. I used to do a similar commute for almost 2 years when we first moved to Minnesota. If it wasn't a problem then it should not be a problem today.
It is funny though that I use that commute as part of "The List" I used to pull out of my pocket and flog my wife with. One of the things that I had read somewhere was to take all the crap that you used in arguments and such and write it all down on a piece of paper. So I did that and I made it into a poster. I look at that poster every once in a while just to remind myself that are real man acting with classic dignity does not use that list.
If I ever am presented with it another chance to use a new list is going to contain a whole new set of values and thoughts. Is going to be a list of loving and validating thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
I was talking with my mother the other day and she commented on how different I sound these days. Other people have commented on how confident I sound. I've had people tell me that I sound content and happy.
Some people wonder where the pissed off guy went to. I know where he went... He still peeks around the corner... lurking around... waiting for his opportunity to come out and wreak more havoc. But every time I see him peeking around the corner I pick up whatever is handy and I throw it at him. I don't miss that guy. I don't think that too many other people do either.
It is been a tough road these last six months. I honestly don't think that I would be in in the position I am right now if it hadn't been for this site. I would've continued in the self-destructive mode and course of actions that I had used for so very long. What I have gained is a new set of tools for my box and a new train of thought and actions.
I have found comfort in the realization that I will be just fine with or without my wife. I do miss her sometimes but then I have to wonder what it is I really miss. I don't try to read into things that she does or says. That is just a game that will drive you crazy.
So right now my plans are to get a job. I have been working hard to clean up the house and the yard. I tried to keep myself as busy as possible. After all idle hands are the D****'* playground.
I have several remodeling projects that I will be doing as soon as I get the house cleaned. There are things I've always wanted to do but was shot down.
I have been continuing my good diet and exercise program. I haven't been using the treadmill much because working on the house provides all the exercise that I really need. Yesterday I tip the scales at 180.6 pounds. Since August 2011, when I weighed 259 pounds, this is been quite an accomplishment. I have gone from a size 42 waist pants, which were getting a little snug at one point, down to a size 36 inch waist pants. I now where a size large shirt instead of extra-large. My sister blessed me with a whole new set of clothes. She is been one of my biggest fans and supporters.
The other night I treated myself to a Subway sandwich. As I was walking into this store a couple of women were walking out and giving me the eyeball. Boy, I have to tell you that it does a man's ego really good.
I will finish this by saying that I truly haven't felt this good in years. I feel strong. I feel confident. And for those times that I don't I fake it till I make it.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
My niece has a poster on her wall (she's a single mother of a 2 yr old and 7 month old twins) that reads:
In this house... we do second chances, we do grace, we do mistakes, we do real, we do I'm sorry, we do loud really well, we do hugs, we do love, we do family.
A great reminder.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Oh, M, I am so glad you posted. I have been thinking of you.
First of all, I wanted to tell you that I mentioned to Mach that I was wondering if you were ok. He said, "He'll be just fine, UR. And I knew he was right.
You have come such a long way, M, in all ways. Spiritually, emotonally, and physically and I am so very happy for you.
I am sorry about her BF taking your things. Makes you wonder about people, ya know?
I see you still have your wicked sense of humor.
Good luck with the job interview. And as you know, it doesnt have to be forever, right? And you can do lots of stuff on that commute. Listen to music, a book on tape, sing at the top of your lungs, think about life. All in how you look at it.
And one day you will realize that you havent faked it til you made it for a long time.
As for your wife, best to continue as you are in dealing with her. Be who you want to be - regardless of her actions or words. Can never go wrong being true to yourself.
M, continue to let us know how you are doing. You have people on here who care a great deal.
My W had been bugging me incessantly about all the info for her to fill out the divorce papers. So I send her all my info... bank accounts... vehicle info... marital property in my possession... all the stuff she needs.
She sends me back a basically blank form with very little in and wants me to have it notarized and send it back. Huh? That would be a kin to hand someone a blank signed check in my opinion.
That was almost six weeks ago. Not a word about the stuff since. Huh?
Would it be proper to be amused a little?
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
So, uR... You have been on my mind, too... Not because I have a thing for Italian chicks, either...
A buddy of mine commented the other day that my sense of humor was making a huge comeback. He told me that he missed the wry sarcasm ... Sarcastic being the good kind. Funny. Not mean spirited.
How are people getting in touch with other outside of here? There are some people I would like to have a deeper relationship with...
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Some people use fb with their names from here. Some add db as their last name. Just have to be resourceful, ya know?
I so get that kind of sense of humor, M. You know you are on your way when that comes back. Feels good, doesnt it?
You just got a friend request, just sayin... (No hurt feelings if you choose not to accept)
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
