Becoming Comfortably Numb...Hopefully!

[Portia]

Hallo,

Wanted to set up the new thread. Here's the old one: Falling Down 100...Getting up 101

One of my very favourite songs: Comfortably Numb from Pink Floyd's The Wall.

The chorus has been my mantra when I find myself dwelling on xSO - well along with my Grams' special phrase, Piss on it but I didn't know what the mod would do if I used that as a thread title

There is no pain, you are receding
A distance ship's smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying

When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child has grown
The dream is gone

I have become Comfortably Numb

Another way of moving along on the detachment journey. Otherwise, I am doing well. No word for about a month. I do wonder but I am trying not to dwell.

Now I am going to enjoy the rest of the day and enjoy the sunshine.

[albamarie]

Hi Portia,

Good for you! I am glad to hear your doing well, it helps.

Enjoy you sun!

[Notlikingthis]

I like that song Portia. And I say go for the P!$$ on it title for your next thread. Your grams had it so right. When you can't figure it out, POI, when things get too hard to deal with, POI, when someone does you wrong, POI. See it works for all of the bumps in the road. LOL

Comfortably Numb is a perfect description of what most of us feel here. I have no words of wisdom to share just wanted to let you know that I'm with you and Mizj. We are a nice mix of geek and passionate women. I think that means that we use both sides of our brain equally, doesn't it?

Traveling alone is such a great experience. It forces us to be more aware of ourselves as well as those around us. You're right that it also allows us to meet and talk to people that we might not otherwise even notice. Like you, I'm perfectly fine alone and what is even better is that my h is the same way. We can be together, yet alone. He often use to comment on how nice it was to be together and not feel that you have to be making conversation all of the time. That level of comfort is one of the many ways that he and I connected and possibly why he can't seem to forget or let go.

Hope you're further along in getting some rest than I am. This ow drama has me wired like you wouldn't believe tonight. Okay, let me say it. P!$$ on Her, I won't let her control my inner peace with her drama.

[RosaLinda]

Great song Portia. I love Pink Floyd, and was thinking of maybe using "Another Brick in the Wall" for my next thread (you know, "Daddy's flown across the ocean leaving just a memory") and agree with NLT that P!ss On It would be equally fabulous for you! 

I am feeling comfortably numb myself, drugged almost. It is very strange. When I remind myself H is deserting me tomorrow and I'm having surgery tomorrow I feel exactly...nothing. 

Yet I have woken up at 3 am for the past week, have been eating everything in sight and gained 7 pounds, have a splitting headache, and my face is all broken out (strange for 60 year old huh?), and tears are pouring down my face,  so I suspect there's some turmoil somewhere inside my brain is not recognizing right now, but I do not feel anything. Maybe my heart has closed shop? Maybe the epitome of p!ss on it?

You're sounding good, but you need to relax more, my friend. You know what I think would be fabulous, for all us Standers to have a meetup at a spa somewhere. 

[RosaLinda]

Portia, sorry for blabbering on so about myself. I meant to say thanks so much for stopping by to offer your good wishes. It means so much to me. 

[Portia]

Hello everyone!

Just a quick post while I have a few minutes.

Dawn, you sound good on your thread, too. Warrior-like and that is great!

NLT, I will definitely catch up with you when I have a spare moment. All that drama. I am not surprised you were wired. Just think if your H would have gotten arrested for her murder. No doubt he would have said it was your fault. Don't they always?

And Linda, my girl, your body is telling you to give it a break. There is no need to ever apologize for how you feel. Sometimes the act of complaining is therapeutic of itself. You know I am wishing you the best - always. And a spa day with the girls sounds just wonderful.

So, here is some strange news: I was away for most of the weekend. Got home late last night, fell right into bed. This morning, I checked the phone and it looks like xSO actually called. There was no message and it looks like he called on Sunday only once. Do you think he might have misdialled?

I was stunned. Seriously stunned. Not even a lottery ticket this time. And I have such mixed feelings about it (although I am not ruling out misdialling). What on earth do we have to talk about anymore? Do they call to tell us how wonderful their lives are now? Heavens, I sure hope he doesn't have some weird hang up that he owes me pregnancy/marriage/cohabitating news in person! I am perfectly OK guessing.

I miss my best friend and the man I thought he was. Every day. But I don't know this person except his association with the horrible way he acted.

In any case, if he wants to talk to me, he will phone again. Or text. Is it stupid that I would prefer text for now? Bad news in bite sized chunks? I can handle any of the news, I just would really rather not have to hear it.

[BrightFuture]

Portia, it could have been the event in my story too. But I think my H would leave a message if he was calling me to talk. You are right to say that if he wants to talk, he will call again. Do you think if he just misdialed, would he at least leave a message to let you know that it was the case?

I’m there with you, I don’t who my H is anymore. At least I think that I’m prepared for any “bad” news.

[Notlikingthis]

Portia, No lotto ticket needed when I'm around. Didn't we just discuss how the connection is too strong for them to sever, a safe port in their self imposed storm? LOL

I don't think it was a pocket call. It was intentional. What the call was about is a mystery and will be until he calls again. I have found in my situation that when there is no message that it's just a "hi how are you doing" call. Just my personal experience.

I like the spa idea ladies! What better way to connect with our dbing friends than at a spa, being pampered and spoiled.

RL, thinking about you tonight, wishing you well on your surgery tomorrow.

[nero]

hey hi portia-

I miss my best friend and the man I thought he was. Every day. But I don't know this person except his association with the horrible way he acted.

yeah- isn't it stinky? people just "don't get" that once they do it- say it- it's out there forever.

the call on your phone- i'm thinking he had a weak moment and just wanted to talk to the person that was soooo important in his life - like old times - for just that moment. a need - they quickly put aside - don't want to acknowledge, make up another reason for- maybe even get mad at you for - etc.

wouldja ever think a person could read so much into a stinking phone number on a box???

my h never leaves a message usually- idk why. he lives in mortal fear of sending the message accidentally that he will be "admitting" he wants to hear my voice - because he thinks it's him saying he'll get rid of ow - somehow. he's a screwed up dude - gets tiring - doesn't it? trying to second guess these guys who were soooo nice & Normal and now are soooooooo squirlie

just my dopey little "take" here-

hope your day is good = i agree , he'll call back if he's got something to say . tho, if it was the moment of weakness - he'll not admit it to you or himeslef - i'm thinking...

[job]

Portia,
How are you doing these days? How is your parent doing?

I do not think the missed call was an accident. He needed to reach out and "touch you" so to speak. He needs that little bit of connection and even if he got your voice mail, it was just enough kibble to keep him going. Keep in mind, it was a holiday and one that he most likely was thinking about sharing w/you in the past. He'll call again.

For now, continue to take care of yourself and I hope you are doing some enjoyable things along the way.