I would not file jointly. I would want to have my own legal representation. If she wants a divorce, then let her file. She will be the one to have the higher costs for filing and yes, leave the guilt at her door for being the one to file.
Let her do the work for the divorce since she's the one that is so gung ho on it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well, had nice chat with W. She's not thrilled w/my approach of not sharing this endeavor with her, but the ball is back in her court and she seems serious about moving forward. She asked how I'll feel when I see her walking around with a new guy. I calmly said I've already accepted that you're involved with someone else and you need to do what you feel is right by you. So, I best get a move on my new life. No point in waiting around at this point!
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Interesting developments. Recent discussion w/W must have affected her. She wrote an apology note to my parents. W seems to be going through a lot emotionally lately. She's been crying more. What can I do? I just want to give her a hug but I know she chose all this for now.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Thanks P! Yes, it was a very nice letter - she also shared it with me. It must have taken a lot of courage to write. I shed a tear or two reading it. We've been on good terms lately, like old friends. It's a strange life I live indeed! I'm just glad things are pretty peaceful at the moment.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
at this point, I would be totally shocked if my sitch were to turn around. W is supposed to be filing soon. My life is moving forward. I'm getting out meeting new people and W seems just as eager to move on in her life. I've pretty much lost all hope for R at this point and that's fine I guess.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Life has been going well for me. I'm getting out, making new friends and seeing that life goes on no matter what happens. Keeping PMA regardless of what happens.
Development.. Old friends are beginning to learn about who W is involved with (not thru me) and they are appalled. I guess this guy has quite a history...
I've been in contact with a couple of them (both pro-M) that I haven't spoken with in awhile. They are in disbelief and I explained that we need to have compassion on W regardless of what happens. They want to try talking W out of all this and I said she needs to figure this out on her own. They are shocked and very sad.
One thing that a friend said that's got me. I guess when W told her about us going down hill (around the time I started going dark) W said she wish I fought for her more. This has me puzzled at the moment and questioning my approach a bit. I just can't bring myself to pursue her while she's involved with someone else. Friend warned me that W may have just been saying this to put more blame on me. Regardless, it has me wondering if I should be "fighting" more for this...
ETC
One thing that puzzles me
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I agree that saying you didn't fight enough for her can be a way of trying to justify her actions.
W knows where you stand regarding saving the M, correct?
Just stay your course and be consistent.
I don't believe it is that easy for someone to end a long term M. There is always a bit of ambivalence. The more time you can get here, the better chance of a turnaround.
There's always hope. Bust On!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY, thanks as always. Well, I had a little breakdown in front of W... After being pretty dim about our R, I broke down and told her I still had feelings for her ((ILY, oops... which made her quite uncomfortable) and wanted to get our family back together. So there... I've pursued again and as I've known for months, it did nothing.
Thankfully, I had no real expectations and I got myself back together fairly quickly. It taught me that W really thinks D is the best option for life right now no matter what b/c she's more committed to someone new. Of course it's sad for me, but it was good to hear b/c it confirmed that everything DB is about is totally right. I was able to be turned down without being put on a roller coaster. I'm feeling fine and strong at the moment. This is thanks to DBing I believe.
I'm going to go back to dim and continue living my life as I have been. I'm doing some great stuff in life and whatever happens, happens. I feel ready for anything. It's just too bad that W doesn't have any desire to try to start over with me and get our family together. It's where she's at for now I guess.
Honestly though, I don't know her anymore and the more new people I meet the more I realize how lost she is - the more it makes me more open to starting over with someone new, though I know no road will be easy and without its own trials.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
