Thanks Rosa. I honestly don't have someone right now. Practically anyone I speak to says to run her off and move on. That's not good for reaching my goal.
I'm sure I'll get beyond this. But 20 months of pain gets to me sometimes. Going to keep fighting.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Do you belong to facebook? I use my regular name on there but some people put their user name with db as their last name. You can get sympathy from the gals and talk a bunch of manly stuff w the fellahs. We promise not to advise you to run her off
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Feeling for you Mtnman. Rough times. Thanksgiving wasn't great in my world and I'm dreading Christmas. Keep fighting. I know you are strong. I know us NC boys are made of tough stuff. You have fought too long for yourself and your kids to let it whip you now.
Did you ever think you'd get this far?
Do you really believe no one will miss you?
Who would play ball with your boys?
You are the man. Show those boys how to be a real man. Real men DO NOT back down or run when the going gets tough. They dig in, dust themselves off, roll up their sleeves, and go back to work. You've had a low moment, we all do. Get over it, buck up and be the man you are becoming.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
It's been a wild 10 days. W insisted on D talk a week ago last Friday evening. So we did. It was very business like and only had a few instances of emotions. I explained that I would not help prepare or research to help her prepare for this but I would answer questions and provide information as requested.
She initially wanted me to stay in the house and for her to pay half the mortgage and boys medical expenses. When I ran the numbers it became apparent to her that she couldn't do that. We left agreeing to put the house on the market.
By Tuesday she talked to MIL who hit the roof. Out house is on family property and she doesn't want it sold. So, I explained to W that I would transfer my ownership to MIL and walk away for half of the equity in the home.
This past Friday W texted that MIL would be contacting me to discuss the terms. She did within minutes. I went over to MILs house to discuss. It did not go well. Instead of discussing finances she decided to preach to me about how there had to be something wrong with me to cause W to run and start acting out. I was able to get through it for a while, but eventually had listened to enough. I ended up blistering her. No foul language but it was made crystal clear to her that I would not accept responsibilities for Ws actions.
MIL is/was/will continue to be the persecutor of my W. She is a cold, uncaring person. So, this was a long time coming. W assumed I would back down to MIL just like everyone else in her family. I did not.
W came up Friday, and we spent all day Saturday together. She never mentioned anything about D or my MIL talk. I expect Ws brother and I will eventually be discussing the terms of my buyout.
I'm at peace with it all. In some ways it would be a blessing to have a D. MIL helping W pay for this house will be a huge mistake. MIL will make W feel obligated to her and continue to be both a persecutor and now rescuer for her. I'm not real sure how long it will last but it will be like sitting on a bomb.
I'm continuing to treat W the same but made it very clear I would be moving on if/when D is final. Not that I don't want her. Not that I would close the door on taking her back.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Hi Mm! I agree with FY. I like you are placing boundaries but still are open to reconciliation.
Poor W. I hope she wakes up before MIL assists her in ruining her whole life.
You are doing a great job during and awkward and difficult situation!
Keep going!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Thanks rH! W brought us all supper she picked up while Christmas shopping for the boys. She's spent all evening wrapping gifts and placing them under the tree. The boys are so excited. This is a complete change from last Christmas.
If nothing else, she has really improved her attitude toward the boys.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
