I love the holidays too! One of the hidden blessings in all of this has been to really focus on the here and now with my kids. So I totally relate to the elation you feel with the everyday (and not so everyday) moments with them.
You sound stronger and stronger every day!
And yes... the boards are truly a life-line. Thanks for being there for me as well!
(((((BM)))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Okay. (Deep breath). You guys have inspired me to say something that is really scary for me. It's kind of my secret.
Some say if you tell others your secrets and you no longer have anything to hide it can help in the healing.
I pull my hair out. 1 strand at a time. It's a anxiety/ compulsive disorder called tricitillimania. The anti depressents I take have helped with depression but I Am still pulling.
My hair looks fairly normal to friends and neighbors but I always need to brush or style it to cover up the bald spots. I hate going to the salon because they always ask questions about the bald spots.
My xh and family and close friends know about this disorder and it's something I am ashamed of but I can't stop.
Phew. It's out there now
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I do that too. My eyebrows and hair. I know that shame. But, let it go. Your H drinks, mine smokes, everybody gots something.
Wellbutrin and Prozac really helped me--the combo. I notice it gets worse when I go off the Wellbutrin. The Prozac helps a lot though and it's only a little problem if I'm taking care of myself.
Maybe look into changing up the AD's a little?
Much Love to YOUUUUU!!
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Thanks for sharing! I pick at blackheads. I can't control it, and when I'm anxious I'll leave a room and go do it for 15 or 20 minutes, and then be extremely embarassed of my now splotchy face.
Whew, I feel better too!
I was able to cut back on this almost entirely when I started a/d. Now I guess it has creeped back again. I'm a lot more aware of it as an unhealthy coping mechanism.
Try reading Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior by Jeffrey M. Schwartz if you ever get a chance. It's got a four step program to help train your brain not to make you do stuff you don't want to be doing.
And love yourself! Love your nervous habits and bald patches and go on from there to take the best care of yourself that you know how to take. It's all good.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Oh boy, I pick at black heads too and then I scratch the dry spots, so sometimes it takes a long time for them to heal. I also have a couple of spots on my head where I keep picking at the dry spots, so they don’t really heal all the way through. Every time I go my hair dresser I apologize for it. And you know what she tells me every time, is that she has quite a few clients who do that and that it is part of some stress. So, she told me not to worry about it. I still try not to scratch and I’ve been successful in managing to heal some of these spots.
Adivna, thanks for sharing the book info. I need to look at it, I’ve been trying to get rid of these habits.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
We all have our tics. Some are more noticeable than others. Mine is rolling my right shoulder. The more stress the more I roll it. Usually while driving.
I try to stay occupied with things to do. Seems to help, thus why driving is where I notice it most.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I don't want to beat myself up about this but I do want to stop. I hate it. I hate that I need it and I really hate always having to self consciously adjust my hair to cover up my bald spots.
On Thursday I got my hair cut and colored and I look great. But still I can't help picking at my hair. In a few weeks I will have to repart my hair to cover up all the damage I am doing.
I am trying this mantra - my hair is beautiful. I am doing enough.
Love to you all
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I have had an amazing few days with my girls. They are the perfect age for Christmas. They love the lights, presents and songs. It is super super cute.
I'm not sure if I am DBing any more. I dont like my exH at all any more nor do I like how I feel when he is around.
He continues to try to gaslight me and make me feel like I am a B!tchy particularly when I am not interested in acting super fake and friendly when he picks up the girls. I never act mean or rude but its not a super happy moment saying goodbye to my kids on Christmas day.
My ex continues to act fakely nice and I am not interested in acting fake. being a single mom is hard hard work and something was missing by not having a Dad around at Christmas.
Today he emailed saying he would be a couple hours late picking up the girls because he misread his flight info and is landing later then he thought. Seriously, another vacation! Maybe he was at his girlfriends family Christmas? I really dont know, but this from a guy that likes to tell me how poor I have made him. I can not count the number of vacations he has taken since he left us.
New topic:
I spent Saturday Night and Sunday at my moms house for her Christmas party then we had a sleep over there with my cousin Jenn and her kids. Jenn got sober almost two years ago after losing her job, crashing her car and really just being a lunatic and terrible mother during that time of heavy heavy drinking.
While in AA she meet a man and is now divorcing her husband. SHe and her husband did not have the best relationship but that is because she was an insane alcoholic. Her H was kind and decent guy who always contributed at family gatherings most of all he has always been a great dad.
So back to this weekend - Sunday, we are all going ice skating, her kids and mine and Jenn brings her new boyfriend. This is not the first time her kids have met him.
Meeting this boyfriend triggered so many emotions in me. I didnt know how I was supposed to act. If I was nice and polite to new guy was I somehow betraying myself and all LBS? Should I go off on my cousin for bringing this guy to my mothers house?
The kids being around made it simple to stay cool and act politely to this guy. I also remembered my Alanon and DBing that I wasnt going to change anyone behavior all I could do was control my own.
I acted polite and friendly with new guy and he was very different from Jen's STBX. He was older and definitely more socially comfortable then her ex who was an awkard guy. What was really interesting was watching my cousin bite her own tongue and change her behavior around the new guy. She still thinks the new guy is super cool but wait till the reality sets in and they have the same, you left the cap off the toothpaste problems she had with her ex.
It was definitely a good expeience for me because I wondered how my exH family could allow his other woman into their homes and now I know how. They just grin and bear it and wonder to themselves why is this other person worth doing this to the kids.
Okay one other thing:
Two weeks ago during the kid exchange exH says to me "D3 said that thing again" I said "what thing" He said "D3 said that Mommy doesnt like OW and I hope you arent telling the girls that" I told him that I had only said that once several months ago but hadnt said it again since the last time he mentioned it.
I wanted to punch him. He left us for another woman and I am being scolded for saying I dont like other woman. I could be filling our girls heads with a lot more negative stuff then that. A LOT. Give me a break. I am a human being with feelings and a soul - exH is a robot alien.
Meanwhile D3 has mentioned OW to me in passing and said to me " mommy I know you dont like OW" and now I have said "D3, I do like OW"
All is good. Enjoy your holidays with your families.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
It helps to know we are in the same boat. H took the kids to Ow's this morning and I tried to be upbeat for the kids but have been crying all day off and on. H said the same thing. Berated me for "dissing" the OW. How dare I? Oh excuse me for being truthful and honest, something you know nothing about H. It seems the courts have been enabling him so I decided to chill out myself.
D also asked me the other day why I don't like OW. I said I don't want to talk about OW, honey. I would rather talk about you sweetie. That seemed to make her happy.
I also hate this fake crap, but if it gets me more time with my kids I will do it. For now.
Merry Christmas, BK
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
