I am not on these boards every day, just nearly every day. I have thought to comment on a few threads and usually hesitate to do so. I find little aspects of my world color what I want to post and after reading I generally don’t continue to submit. I go back and reflect upon why the drama should have surfaced. I generally find I need to dig a little deeper and work through something else.
I do not wish to leave the impression I am still twisting in the wind or riding the coaster. I am not, I’ve gotten pretty good at this set of skills. Life is good. I am growing and looking forward, generally pretty upbeat about what I can make my future become.
We are taught to look inward, not to point out the insane action of our X’s. We’re taught to be genuine, generous and forgiving. I get that and I want everyone reading to know I do not make the rest of this post in a light or flip manner. In the past I have attempted to stand as an example to my children, to permit the drama to wash over and away. Lately it has not been directed at me. It is being directed at my children. I am done attempting to minimize or explain why X may have said or done anything.
My X wife is acting irrationally bordering upon abusive to our children and most notably our grandchild.
Yesterday DIL informed me X will not have unsupervised visits with our grandchildren. She described her anger over an incident from mid February ending with she hasn’t had contact with X since and doesn’t plan to. DIL began the conversation with “I’m sorry, but”. I told her she should not be sorry. That she made a decision for the welfare of her child and her own peace of mind. That it took courage to do so. That I was sorry she and her child had gone through that.
Long story short our grandchild returned from an overnight stay at Grandmas with abrasions on her chest. X attempted to remove a small blemish from her chest, scraping at it with her fingernails and a small nail file. DIL said “she told me she did this to remove a birth mark.” The abrasions scabbed over and have since healed. I have no bloody idea why anyone would attempt to scrap away a birthmark! It looks like a mole or a dark freckle to me
I do not know how serious this is, or other details, I do know this is not an isolated incident and I believe this is the most serious that has occurred. I do know there has been an undercurrent of anger and resentment from X since the end of January
On a different note and to bring some positives in, I will be a Grand Father again sometime in September.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
X attempted to remove a small blemish from her chest, scraping at it with her fingernails and a small nail file. DIL said “she told me she did this to remove a birth mark.” The abrasions scabbed over and have since healed. I have no bloody idea why anyone would attempt to scrap away a birthmark! It looks like a mole or a dark freckle to me
Ummmm....does your ex do meth? Or diet pills? Sounds like a speed freak's actions to me.
Meth? Not to my knowledge. I doubt it. I haven’t seen her since late January and I what contact I have is attending family gatherings like Christmas.
She is no stranger to pharmaceuticals mostly SSRIs.
I believe the best thing I can do here is be supportive of the children and other family members. She is creating her own mess and needs to deal with her creations.
Last night DIL told me she thinks I was a stabilizing influence during my marriage. That X is not a healthy person to be around these days. That she is overdramatizing some things and ignoring others.
I will not concern myself with X induced ……………….. DIL understands this. The BS and Drama bother her and she was venting.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Rick, my experience supports that belief and I believe aspects of this are not unique. I see bits and pieces of what happened through other peoples posts. This is not my focus. It is an incident rippling through the family.
I spent part of Friday with DIL. One of the things she mentioned is she isn’t angry about it anymore.
I took Friday off, consuming a vacation day. DIL had to spend some time at the VA clinic and didn’t wish to take her 2 yr old to the appointments. So I was asked to babysit.
The little girl spent some time with me showing her off where I work and then we went to the zoo. She fell asleep on the way home and napped for another hour when we got home. By that time her mom arrived. After she woke up we went to the McDonalds play place. It was a good day. Of course in my opinion she is the smartest, best behaved, most attractive 2 yr old on the planet. I don’t know how that opinion will change when her sibling arrives. Probably become “They are”.
Things are changing at work and I think for the better. We’ve gotten a new management team. I worked with the new president before when he was part of the sales and marketing team and I am rather excited about doing so again.
I spent most of the past year in a funk and now that spring is finally here I am ready to live.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
DIL and X have broken bread and made peace. This is a good thing and I hope they repair their relationship.
Life is good. I have built good relationships with my children and most of the extended family. I no longer fret the relationships that have passed on with the divorce. I will continue to work on myself and improving my outlook. I spent part of Easter with the children and GD.
I am presently working on two bucket list items.
I did not win a permit to use the cables on half dome. I will apply for day use permits while I visit the park. I might just get lucky.
In a few weeks I’ll begin shopping in earnest for a new to me bike, perhaps it will be new.
There is no shortage of activities to keep me busy. The shed needs to be completed as it with house the bike. The trailer and tow vehicle are presently my focus and DIL has asked for assistance with gardens, vegetable and flower. Apparently she does do dirt
Semper Gumby
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Yes, Yosemite at the end of June into the beginning of July. As there is no confirmed date for the cable permit the pressure to be there by ….. doesn’t exist. I’ll get there when I get there. An old HS friend asked me to stop in Reno and visit so I’ll probably route out on I80.
Hang in there JB you’re in a good place too and you can adjust to changes. Improvise, Adapt, Overcome.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Many years ago in I expressed a desire to X for a black leather A2 style jacket. What some people call a bomber jacket. She’d asked me what I wanted as a gift from her. Sometime later, the years have blurred how much time; she purchased something similar for herself.
Eventually she found a large brown leather jacket somewhat along the lines of a M65 Field Jacket at a neighbors estate sale. It was well worn with stains, particularly along the collar. It was a nice jacket, heavy and warm for most early and late winter days when a parka might be too much. After cleaning most of the stains were gone except along the collar.
X didn’t understand why I wasn’t thrilled with her purchase and gift to me. Call me strange. I had known the original owner before he passed and something about the staining on the collar creeped me out. A measure of our dysfunction can be found in the fact that I wore it a few times to appease her.
Recently while engaging in retail therapy I found a black leather A2 style jacket. It fits well. I like it. I think I make it look good. One of the good things about divorce is I didn’t justify the purchase to anyone.
FB was a factor in the breakup, a very typical story including connections with old flames living the good life. Grass appeared to be greener etc.
Post B I established a FB page, using a rafting trip photo as a cover. The bright yellow raft is full of family, smiling having fun engaged in the adventure except one. I admit being in a rather snarky mood when I chose it for the cover.
It sent X off the deep end, for I was not permitted to have fun with her family. Her fire has since cooled and I will replace the photo with something better when it comes along. I plan on taking a few picture while on vacation this year.
I suspect reaching a tipping point for some algorithm FB uses for suggesting friends. Apparently I am friends with someone who is friends with.......
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I am sore. My right foot and lower leg is deeply bruised from the top of my arch halfway up the lower leg. My right shoulder is sore and stiff enough to limit voluntary motion. My right bicep is severely strained, for a while I was concerned I may have torn it. Both hips ache and the pulled hamstring muscle in my left leg is causing me to walk slowly with a limp.
BUT
I passed the Riders Academy curriculum and this will heal, albeit a bit more slowly than when I was twenty.
Another step in the path to my life checked off, progress to another bucket list item made.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
