Hanging on to the roller coaster

[CallaghanClown]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2394296&page=1

New thread time.

Thanks Job.....keep it simple and to the point.

Today was an anxious day, so I got busy, shopping and lunch with friends. When that didn't help I called my therapist. I'm now calmer and happier. H looks like he may start taking his D meds, which I'm over the moon at, because he's been going steadily down hill. He also called to tell me he was changing his visitation plans for tomorrow but I said I had plans and he backed down and is going to come as planned. He's talking about changing jobs again, which is something I think would be very beneficial for him mentally. But I'm not 100% sure he's being honest about this. Time will tell.

On a brighter note I signed up to a course to teach children with special needs. Something I never thought I would do and a world away from my corporate career, but very rewarding mentally and perfect for childcare.

Plus a much needed change.

[job]

CC,
I think you will enjoy the course to teach children w/special needs. Yes, it is a very rewarding career and the children, even though they may have special needs, are beautiful, kind and loving. BTW, they also are gifted in other ways. So, I think you'll enjoy doing this.

As for your h, he'll figure it out in due time. Leave him alone to figure things out.

[CallaghanClown]

Today was mainly filled with anxiety. Waiting for him to visit the children. I escaped for a visit to my therapist, which helped a lot. But returned home to more delusions from H. Sadly he thinks he's cured, no longer depressed and feeling better. He says this may be just how he is feeling today but believes that he's much better. However he says he's going to take his meds and get some counselling. I praised him for this because I'm genuinely happy to hear it. I also praised him for talking more, it lovely to hear as he's spent years battling things up.

He stayed to chat for 2 hours. A lot of it was lies that I know about but some was new stuff, new lies, new truths and new ramblings. But getting him talking is a good sign.

His lies didn't sting so much tonight. I hope they don't in the morning! I did spend am awful long time just looking at him, wondering if I had any feelings for him beyond pity/sympathy/worry/despair. I really hope there is some love left at the end of this.

He did say he "used to be married" to which I replied "you still are married". I was tempted to have a D chat, but left it alone. I did mention I'd heard he was dating, which he strenuously denied several times. I guess he doesn't count failed attempts!!

[AJM]

Can you see it?

Sadly he thinks he's cured, no longer depressed and feeling better. He says this may be just how he is feeling today but believes that he's much better

He knows he's not "cured" but he doesn't know why. Or when the next episode will come. But it will. It's good to start with knowing something's wrong.

Take care of yourself. You aren't detached enough yet, but getting there.

Peace,
AJ

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks AJ.

I'm not detached enough but I'm very happy with how well I'm doing for 1.5 months in. I'm taking it day by day or hour by hour on bad days. But I can see a steady improvement. Even with the odd crazy day.

I've woken today and the lies don't seem to sting. I do feel confused about why he's even doing all this but I know there is no answer to that question and that he probably is asking himself the same question.

Guess I better get the popcorn out and sit back and watch.....it's not really about me anyway!

[CallaghanClown]

Tonight was def a popcorn event. He's in cloud cuckoo land......

I'm finding it hard dealing with his madness and I feel really anxious but I'm not taking it personally. It's his nonsense. It will just take a while to get used to it.

Give me strength!

[AJM]

Oh yeah. I get it. It's not that he's hurting you directly. It's partly that you see him in pain. It's not an easy path to walk, and sorting out your own feelings will take a very long time. But it'll come.
Hang in there.
AJ

[Pudmuddle]

You are improving CC! Yes, it is SO hard to see them in pain and there isn't a d@ng thing you can do about it. Especially when they don't want you to.

That's why it is so critical to focus on you and make you happy with YOU. It takes time, but those anxious feelings will become less and less. You are doing well so far, keep posting all your anxiety here.

[CallaghanClown]

Ok well the cuckoo flew the nest big style. His ramblings turned into death threats (not against me) and I've had to call in his friend to take over. I never even imagined it would get this bad and I can tell he hasn't hit the bottom.

I won't lie I was very anxious when he was manic but calling in support and realising I can't help him felt good.

I'm not due to see him till Monday, but I plan to take things hour by hour. I hope I don't feel too emotionally drained tomorrow, that's when it usually hits me.

I do hope everyone else is having a calmer day than me.

[job]

CC,
I'm sorry to hear he's in throes of death threats. I think you did the right thing in calling his friend.

I hope things settle down this evening for you. Take care of yourself.