So it's been about month since I thought W was going to file and serve me and still no word. She treats me like a neighbor, which is good I guess, and still seems like she wants to keep tabs on me even though our relationship is basically dead at this point. I tried to hug her a couple weeks ago and she was visibly uncomfortable with that. Oh well.
I've come to a point in this whole journey where I'm excited about stuff going on my life regardless of W or M. Let me list what's been going on:
- Having a great time connecting with my kids. They are so special to me and I am absolutely grateful for all the precious time we spend together half of each week. They're just so so great I can't say it enough. I have 3 Ds and for a father to have a close relationship with them like I do is absolutely golden in my mind. Sure, they've got some things to work on, but so do I.
- I've been putting a lot of extra effort into my career lately and may have an amazing opportunity for myself soon. We'll see how it goes. W caught wind of it through the kids and now asks about it every time we talk. Why does she care?
- Making a lot of new friends: men and women. I know I'm going to be OK if and when the time arises to move onto a new relationship. I still miss my family, but if D eventually gets rolling for real I'll be OK either on my own or with someone new. I'm not afraid of not having W in my life anymore. I don't know the new version of her anyhow, so it doesn't really matter. The old W is gone - at least for now.
- Tapping into some really interesting psychological / spiritual lessons. I met a few women recently who shared some fascinating insights in this regard with me as well. I hope to connect with them more soon to share and learn more. We'll see.
- My new IC is awesome and he's teaching me some new things about myself.
- Basically 100% in control my finances and really digging some new tools I'm using to manage my money.
- I've got my house pretty well cleaned up. Almost done getting the outside ready for winter. I have a bit more to do in this department, but it's coming together.
- I've got stuff planned every night for the rest of the week. Next week I'll learn more about that possible opportunity I mentioned earlier. Really excited about that at the moment. It will be a game changer for me if it works out. Will keep you all posted.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I tried to hug her a couple weeks ago and she was visibly uncomfortable with that. Oh well.
Lesson learned, right? lol
Hey, been there, done that.
Quote:
- I've been putting a lot of extra effort into my career lately and may have an amazing opportunity for myself soon. We'll see how it goes. W caught wind of it through the kids and now asks about it every time we talk. Why does she care?
Cuz she's not 100% checked out. I'd view it as hope, pack it away and stay on course.
Quote:
The old W is gone - at least for now.
Our old W's are gone for good. When they work through their crises they will be new people. Probably better too, I figure. Bust On, my friend.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Sounds like you've got great direction. i couldn't imagine trying to hug my W right now. It's amazing how the other aspects of your life can grow and move forward when you stop letting the actions of one person dictate your feelings or outlook.
The Old W is gone. For Good. Still a tough thought for us all. We all fell in love with a wonderful woman years ago that we would love to have back, but that's not in the cards.
Hope you get great news on the job front. Keep busting!
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Well, W set the ball into motion for filing and I'll likely be served right before Christmas. I'll always cherish the good times we had together, but it's time for me to move on. I'll be fine. I just feel so bad for my kids because they want their family back. I can only imagine how they'll react when they learn that we may need to sell the house. Sad times.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Well folks... It's been awhile so I thought I'd check in here to say "hello" and give a little update. W and I get along OK, but our relationship is over. She's filed and I'm just waiting to be served now. It's a pretty strange scenario. The children are quite confused b/c they mostly saw us get along during our entire marriage. W has said over and over though that she wants a romantic spark/chemistry and she doesn't have that with me, so she's seeking D. I accept that and try not to think about it too much. In many ways it's heartbreaking but at the same time I don't really know this new person anyhow...
As for me, I continue to work on myself and take care of our kids as best as I can. I get angry about my sitch at times, esp. when I think about the affect on our kids, splitting all the assets, all the $$ we're spending on legal fees, what could have been if my W was willing to work on things... I guess I go between sadness and anger and apathy.
I've been getting out on my own a lot and meeting many new people. This is challenging too, b/c I'm not really ready to date anyone and don't think it would be good to do until things are final which will be many months from now, but I do get lonely. I lean on my spirituality more than ever at this time.
Hopefully in the end I'll find a new partner who wants to have a mutual bond of affection and love with me. It's going to be a long road and may never happen so at this point I'm just trying to make peace with myself which is certainly hard enough.
Well, that's it for now. Enjoy the holidays everyone! Continue down the path that's right for you.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Thanks for the update etc, I'm sorry to hear things are were they are. The good news is you sound like you're doing as well as can be expected, all things considered. All those emotions you listed are normal, and you'll have to feel them to move forward.
Best wishes and happy holidays to you and your family.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
