Wow. Your story is a miracle. I am so happy for you. I hope a newbie finds your story for inspiration. It is the story I wanted to read when I first came here
AJM "Many LBS WANT it to be their fault."
I totally wanted it to be my fault and I misused DBing into believing it was about me. I guess I am just thick but it took at least 1 1/2 to 2 yrs to learn this wasnt about me.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Your story was one I followed when I first found this site. You inspired me. If you could deal with mlc, family and pregnancy I sure as h*ll could get through it. You have made it to the other side, and have such happiness. I am so happy for you.
Raine, I'm very happy that things are continuing to turn around for you and you family. Yes, he is most definitely following the reconnection process, i.e., dropping the replay friends.
You've done a beautiful job of allowing him to settle back into his own skin and being a friend and supporter to your h. You are an inspiration to all that come here.
On another subject, how are you and the children doing? I imagine the little one is either starting to walk or is walking and on the move. Life if full of twists and turns, but Raine, I think you are on the straight road to the finish line.
Take care and I'm very happy for you!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job, the kids are amazing. I have quite a following on RL FB due to all the things they say and do. The little man is 9 months now, and he is crawling all over and into everything. He has these massive eyes with super long, thick eye lashes, just like H. He is finally starting to grow into them. In fact, it's not just his eyes. He is a near clone of H, which is something I prayed for. If I can't have a girl, at least can he look like H? I think that was a pretty big bonding thing for H, because H felt like he was pushed into having a baby. I didn't know that until after I was pregnant, assuming we were following our family plan we had decided on for years. H has said recently he is really glad we have him and that we did get pregnant.
I'm really glad that I also went part-time, remote. It's hard to have that power and influence removed, but at the same time, I know I could always get that back. I can't get back the time I have right now. And this time with them while they're little means so much more to me than anything career-wise. The happiness I have each day with them is greater than any success I've had in the office.
I'm glad that my story can help others. I know when I came here I was looking for anything positive, anything to give me hope that there was a chance. And I found it here. I had a massive amount of hope after I found this board and started reading on MLC. I would never say that here of course. Imagine the 2x4s of expectation that would fall on me for that!
I thought, okay, it's gonna be a year. A year of hell, but at the end, it's going to be worth it. Be strong, focus on you, and you can do it. Follow those checklists! You can do anything temporarily.
I had done the calculations. I could see where he was. I knew the timelines. I could compare my timeline with rH and dozens of others and knew it would be a year. Despite everyone thinking that the baby arriving would be the wake, no I knew. One year.
As time went on, I got strong, super-woman strong. Even though I may have done a lot of those "work on you" things in the beginning for him, or as a "fake it til you make it," those things became a part of the real me. And people saw it. People who knew I was alone with these little boys, a newborn, working and juggling it all couldn't understand it. They would talk to me and ask, "What are you doing? You're not surviving. You are thriving. You are glowing. You are so happy." I saw it. I really liked me! I knew I could do anything, with or without him. He felt that shift and that drew him to me.
I was hanging on for him, to get him to a better place. At that moment there was very little there I was hanging on for me. It was then I knew what it felt like to love someone without condition. I had no expectations. My expectation was that he would get through this, and we would go through divorce, and we would be very good friends and co-parents. My fairytale of the MLC journey of yucky-replay turn to eternal, romantic bliss was gone. My second fairytale was gone. My calculations of one year were gone. I didn't hold onto that anymore.
But that year mark came and things were changing. Things were changing just like that old Raine in the bunker after BD always thought they would. She knew that if she did her part, the rest could be possible. The rest could be possible if she gave H the chance to do his part too. I have to pinch myself to even think that this is not some dream that BD Raine imagined. This is real.
I told H about my fairytales. I told him how BD destroyed my fairytale of guarantee, of us being together forever, no worries, complete trust. I said, "You know there are bad things with that, but there are very good things with that too. I had a very innocent, tunnel vision of things. My scope has been opened. That allows me to see and feel so much more. I appreciate what we have, because I know that it is not guaranteed. I work for it, put my heart into it, because it means so much more now than it ever did before. Everything has meaning. I have compassion, understanding, and love, on a deeper and greater level than I ever could have before."
I told him about the fairytale of our separation. That I had pinned hopes and expectations on this is what would happen. I told him I let go of that too. I said I don't have any fairytales anymore.
And with tears in his eyes he said, "I want to give that to you again. I will spend the rest of my life working to give you your fairytale."
I know he doesn't get it like I do. But I feel that it's genuine. I feel like he will work hard the rest of his life to bring me joy, to built our relationship. I feel like I am the most important thing in his life and he has a hold of me with both hands, tightly gripped.
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
No, I'm not crying... I just have something in my eye.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
I can't believe that "our" MLC Forum family member's baby is 9 months old! I'm sure he's a cute as can be and he's going to be a chic magnet with those eyes and super long, thick eyelashes. You'll have to chase the girls away when they come knocking at the door! LOL!
I'm very happy that things are progressing for you and your h. It does take a lot of time, patience and hope to watch the madness play out. Your story will help others, but as we always caution here, each story may appear alike, but they each have their own twists and turns and personalities that can jumble the mix up. However, your strength, courage, faith, and yes, patience were what helped in your situation and believe me, you had to dig very deep for that patience many times over.
As for your fairy tale...Raine, your fairy tale has only just begun. The chapters that are created in the day, months and even years from now will show a princess, her knight and the little princes, as family, that are standing strong and willing to do anything to keep the family safe, secure and happy.
What a beautiful way to start off 2014. I love a happy ending!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes are sitches are all different but your description of 'before' rings true with me. No our marriage wasn't perfect, I wasn't perfect, he wasn't perfect but we weren't broken either.
But it doesn't matter now. I've grown. I'm happier. I'll be ok no matter what.
BUT you made it and I so blinking hope I do too. I wish you and your. H a lifetime of happiness.....you deserve it. I hope your h shows you every single day that he does too!!
M32 H37 DD1 6 DD2 5 M6 T10 EA 31.08.13 Separated and H moved out 19.09.13 ILYBINILWY 23.09.13 OW 11.13
