Being the nice person isn't always fun!

[CallaghanClown]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2401225&page=1

I'm feeling vengeful today. I want him and his OW to suffer. Instead I'm putting new sexy underwear on, new lipstick, new boots and I'm getting on with my life.

I don't want to be that person that ruined another family. That's not me. It won't be me. I won't let this emotion make me that person.

Off to Al Anon to remind myself of this.

But how fun would it be having that moment of satisfaction......sadly it would be drenched in a lifetime of misery.

Karma means every dog has their day!

[job]

CC,
Lady Karma does have a way of showing up when least expected.

I'm glad to see you are doing something for you for a change. Go girl!

[Ambivalent]

CC,

It's funny how underwear really can make one feel different! I wear dental floss now, no panty lines!

[labug]

Karma means we keep getting chances to get it right, some of us pay attention, others...it takes longer.

Work those boots!

[Pudmuddle]

You always sound so positive CC. Keep up the good stuff!

You always bring me up, when I am down, Thanks!

[bustingout]

I love the post CC - good on you! And I totally agree that for some reason new underwear makes such a difference!

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks puddlemuddle. It's posts like that that keep me positive.

I wonder if I'm acting positive or if I'm really ok. I feel ok most of the time. I go up and down the roller coaster sometimes daily, sometimes hourly but generally I'm good. The downs aren't as bad as they once were but the ups are great.

I'm looking better than I've looked in years. I'm feeling happier than I have in years. I'm getting out, doing stuff, enjoying myself. I try to be the best person I can be every day. I make mistakes and I try not to beat myself up about it.

I'm not even sure I'd ever want my husband back but I know I don't need to make that decision today. Today it's not my decision to make, when it is (I do believe it will be one day) then ill cross that bridge. Till then it's all about me and my kids.

I try not to worry about my H too much. I try to let him enjoy his journey alone. I'm not always successful. It's not always possible. But generally I detach.

He's withdrawing from me more and more, which helps me detach. I wish him well. I hope he's well. I don't want his drama. I'm happy and that is enough right now.

[CallaghanClown]

And there I was feeling all detached. Then my H came along telling me I was making I impossible to see his kids. I got into a blasting row telling him to get the lawyers on to me if he rreally believed this. I'm still shaking despite him telling me he was so wrong and I'm amazing.

I just didn't see this coming. He's been withdrawn for a week. Then he hit me with this brick.

I need to regroup and sort myself out but at the minute I need a large glass of wine. I've had two weeks off of alcohol.

[job]

CC,
Do not allow this man to knock you thru a loop. He's coming out to drop a little misery on you..holiday is right around the corner and he's not happy, so you can't be either.

Regroup, take what he has said w/a grain of salt. If he truly wanted to see his children, he would have been in touch instead of withdrawing from the world.

Enjoy your holiday and leave him to sit in a corner and stew.

[CallaghanClown]

Sorry I'm wrapped in the emotion right now. Feel completely knocked off of my socks right now.

I know not to be, but I am. I know I'll be ok, but I don't feel it right now.

I know it feels worse because I thought I was ok. I know not to take it for granted again.

Every time you think you're over the worse they are there to smack you back down.

It's a side of him I've never seen. I was scared, vulnerable, dishevelled but hurt and angry. I could see it before he spoke. I asked if he was ok at least 5 times belore he spoke, but he was determined. He was spewing. He was angry, hurt, desperate.

It's an unreasonable side I've not had before. Yet I have to admit, seeing the mad side was reassuring. I feel unsettled when he pretends to be normal for too long. That's my insecurities coming out!

I'm shaken by this.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Bloody MLC maniacs!