My title comes from something i heard a few months ago.. someone i met said that people come into out lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime..
i started dating someone 5 months ago and it ended last night. i am coming here bc i want to make sure that all of the "reasons" become clear and i use them to grow into a better me.
it was her choice.. she said that she needed to spend time alone and i think that is a wise choice for her.. but she also said some things about me and who i am that i want to learn from..
i am proud of myself for how i handled this new BD of sorts..i was definitely falling in love with her so it hurt and it is sad to me... but i was kind and calm during the conversation last night and i told her i thought it was important for her to allow and accept where she was and just be there.. and to take care of herself right now.
she wants to stay in touch but i am not sure right now how good that would be for me.. i told her that i needed to think about that.
there is a lot to think about and a lot to talk about here.. and i will…it was a very different R from my M but i am sure there are common threads about the R and about me..
but for today i just wanted to share my sadness in this kind place. i will come back later to fill in details and ask again for your help in understanding how i can learn and grow from this.
love to all
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
I logged on today and found my two old friends back.. you and J3B.
Still inspiring, still beautiful...just like you have been since I have known you.
I think you are right to put your needs first at this time.
I look forward to hearing more from you. I am here for you my picnic sister.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hi sweet NGrace! I'm glad you are back. I just got back myself... from a hiatus of sorts.
I really like what Betsey said:
Originally Posted By: UnderDog
I think you're really smart to prioritize what you need over what she wants. Honor that commitment to yourself, because you're worth it.
And I'm proud of you for putting yourself out there and opening up to the possibilities that come with experienceing new relationships.
((((BigHugs!)))
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
Good to see you around these parts! Yeah, relationships post-D are a minefield that we learn to navigate as "newbies" and we do trip up from time to time. Glad to hear you're focusing on yourself.
thank you for stopping by betsey. SD says great things about you. i am glad to have the opportunity to get to know you better.
subguy, good question. very good. i need to think about that one. in april 2012, i decided to give myself a year alone to work on me.. i did the year and then some. but i think you may be right, there is more to do before i date again. that has become apparent.
sweet busting, thank you for being here for me. you have done that so much since i have known you. thank you.
RT, glad we are back at the same time. i know your insight is always helpful to me.
ok.. so i just found that the woman i was dating exclusively for five months still had a match.com profile. she met up with another person from match (said that they had mutual friends) for dinner and was supposed to go out another night dancing with her..while we were together. the woman i was dating said that it was just as friends that she saw this other person but when i asked her if the other person knew that she was dating me… she got angry and did not answer.
this has triggered all sorts of feelings within me. when my X wanted to reconcile, she went to dinner with a "friend" and then changed her mind about the R and stated dating the friend.. she is with her still, almost 2 years later..
i have been very numb and sad since finding this out. i am wondering what i am doing that has landed me here and need to spend some time figuring it out. ugh.. i thought i had made strides forward and now i wonder.
ok starting over, phase II… i think i was not ready to date. i think there is more work to be done.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
ok.. so i just found that the woman i was dating exclusively for five months still had a match.com profile. she met up with another person from match (said that they had mutual friends) for dinner and was supposed to go out another night dancing with her..while we were together. the woman i was dating said that it was just as friends that she saw this other person but when i asked her if the other person knew that she was dating me… she got angry and did not answer.
this has triggered all sorts of feelings within me. when my X wanted to reconcile, she went to dinner with a "friend" and then changed her mind about the R and stated dating the friend.. she is with her still, almost 2 years later..
Ugh... I can only imagine the thoughts of here we go again... I hope you know this is about her and not about you. I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask those questions and to expect people to be open and honest.
I like the thought of why did it happen again, was their any thing that was the same as your X in behavior's and attitude, that your drawn to?? Was their anything there that would fit into a pattern of unhealthy relationships?
Sometimes people are just a$$holes and maybe you just ended up with one of those people.
(((NG)))
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
wonka, i have been looking for your thread to catch up with you… it is closed. how are you???
yes, complete minefield… i have learned that match.com in my area is a hotbed of incestuous lesbian Rs.. ugh. live and learn. lesson of the day: stay away from those who live and date excessively on match.com
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
I'm doing really good. Decided to leave the ice-pick at the glacier that's Ms. Wonka and writing new chapters that include one hot woman that I've got my eye on. We're now in the process of getting to know each other since she's dating someone at the moment which is good as it takes the pressure off of "dating." for me (and I hope for her too).
Know what? I've stayed far away from "incestuous" lesbian love-triangles. Never been a fan of it and chose not to partake in this silliness. I've done my share of it in my high school years and early college years. BTDT...blech.
The latest is that the hot girl has invited me to a Christmas party at her house. No doubt her date will be there as well. No worries...I'm just gonna be me and have a grand ol' time! I've posted over in the community pool over in the 'Surviving the Big D' forum. C'mon and join us! We're wicked badass over there!
