Sorting it All Out

[reachingHigher]

Hey Wonka! It would be fun to see you dance a jig! Thank you

[job]

Congratulations on the test score! I knew you'd get it this time! Now...on to the big one.

I'm very proud of you!

[Pudmuddle]

Congrats on passing rH!! That is most awesome

[reachingHigher]

Thank you so much for the uplifting posts, job and Pud.

It means so much.

I talked to the right people today to work on coordinating for the state exam.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I need a little help with attitude adjustment.
My attitude.

H told me today he had an idea he is very excited about. I asked him if it would make me uncomfortable, as since MLC his ideas usually do :-/

He said he wants to dress up as a Santa Claus and bust his friends' Christmas party on Christmas Day and bring them all gifts.

This would be an hour's drive from our house and they will be drinking liquor. So, I'm figuring a half a day he will be gone at least, possibly coming back partway drunk. Just guessing, but I could be wrong.

I'm so disappointed.

Before MLC Christmas Day was sacred family time.

I understand my H isn't fully baked. I don't want to have a pouty attitude about this. Maybe he needs to not feel the full impact of being home on Christmas Day. Maybe he will need this break.

How do I handle this?

[Takevowsserious]

Hey girl

Congratulations on passing your exam - I'm very proud of you

I have said this before, but I want to say it to you again...
I think you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it rH.

This test - and the upcoming state test - is just one piece of the puzzle to the wonderful woman that you are, and the new post - MLC woman that you are becoming.

Keep going my friend. Keep going
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As for Christmas Day...
Are there going to be any party ho ho hoes on these visits? Lol!

Seriously...
I'm not really sure what to say. Does he want to do this the first half of the day, or second?

I think if he wants to do this, he needs to schedule it around your family time, and not the other way around.

I also think if it bothers you, you need to be up front with him about it. No one benefits from you silently stewing Christmas Day, resentment building up in the process.

You seem to be communicating well, let him know your thoughts and feelings. I hope you can come to an agreement that makes for a Merry Christmas for everyone

[tigerlily78]

Congrats on the test RH. It must feel good to have your persistence pay off.

As for the Christmas thing... it seems like this is a good time to assert the "working on us" part of your signature. Did H already make it clear that the Santa plan is a HIM ONLY thing?

Is there a way you can find a compromise that makes you both reasonably happy? Maybe something like Christmas morning with the family and a big brunch at home, then you get in the car around noon to drive to the friends' TOGETHER. Make your appearances, home by 5pm or so to eat a crockpot dinner and unwind? I think it is fair to tell your H that it is important to you this year that you spend Christmas TOGETHER, but that you are willing to make some concessions for what he wants too.

I think you can be clear that you are open to the idea, you just don't want it to be an "all day and half the night" kind of deal... that you had your heart set on spending the end of a busy Holiday curled up with him by the fire drinking hot toddies and smooching and building up to something "naughty" later on.

[Ambivalent]

Congrats Reaching!

Yeah, I wouldn't be cool about the Santa on Christmas day. Christmas day IS family day. You still have boys/kids at home and he is behaving like a teenage boy.

Step back and try and remember how when we were teens , we did Christmas, and then everyone wanted to escape and go play with the others. We wanted to talk about what we got, and be with other teens.

It sounds just like that!

Sharing is what I'd hope I could do. I know I'm a burier and would not want to cause him resentment, so I'd stuff it.

This would be repeating the same pattern and behavior.

Before you share your disappointment , have at least two or three alternatives.

Such as:

Christmas Eve rather than Christmas day

You and he go as Mr. and Mrs. Clause. OR

If it has to be Christmas day, you ALL go as Mr. and Mrs. Clause and some workshop elves!

As for the drinking , this is a growing pattern. Does he transition personalities or become more Mr. Life O'Theparty ?

Is he driving after drinking? Not good, you guys have come so far, and killing someone or himself would be horrible. There needs to be some boundaries or agreements . Designated driver, taxi, get a limo?

He is not only risking himself but he is also modeling for your sons. They are watching his decisions and behaviors. It is imprinting on them, overtly and subliminally.

Sorry if I've overstepped, I am concerned.

[ForeverYoung]

Congratulations on passing your test RH! I knew you could do it.

You have been given much good advice regarding the Christmas day festivities H has in mind.

Then again, you could always hire a limo to ensure a safe ride, dress like Santa's sexy helper and get drunk too!

I'll just pick up my stack of Naughty Notes on my way out.

[reachingHigher]

Thanks for the ideas everyone!

I loved the ho, ho ho's comment, TVS! Too funny! And yes, they would be there.

you had your heart set on spending the end of a busy Holiday curled up with him by the fire drinking hot toddies and smooching and building up to something "naughty" later on.

Love the schedule with brunch, crockpot and evening activities, Tiger!!

Ambi, great ideas. The Mrs. Claus idea, especially, gave me some ideas I brought to H. The workshop elves aren't interested in even wearing a Santa cap so I think they won't go!

FY you are ForeverFunny!!! I like that idea! Maybe next Christmas!

I told H last night I was looking for some naughty behavior b/c all I write are nice notes!

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I was a bit sulky and tired for a day over the weekend. H asked me what was wrong and I told him I was unhappy but didn't want to tell him what to do.

Saturday night, S14 and H and I went to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas concert and I forgot all about being sulky! I was glad H brought earplugs but it was a fantastic concert and showy pyrotechnics and lots of head swinging with hair waving (if you've ever seen them you know what I mean!)

On the way home, on a back country state highway, H was driving and we were all laughing and talking and then I saw the pickup pulling a trailer in front of us swerve and then I saw a large dead dog in the road and I said watch where you're goinnnnng just as H swerved in a split second to miss it. Pre-MLC I would have been more upset thinking how bad it would have been if we would've hit it. As it was, we just talked about it for a minute and then went on our merry way.

I told H that night I had a idea about Christmas (gleaned from the ideas here). I said we could visit the party just as a "friendly visit" and not a "stay the rest of the night drinking" scenario. We both have Santa hats and could rig up some simple costumes in the Santa theme.

I'm thinking bringing spiced eggnog, Christmas baked treats, or whatever.

So H said he would think about it. Then he told me yesterday he talked to his friend about our plans. It has definitely morphed into a "we" thing.

I'm thinking I would only like to stay for an hour or so and then get back home. It will be interesting how it turns out.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

H says something may come in the mail for me today but not to look at the package!

Thank you for all the congratulations on passing the school exam. I submitted my paperwork to the state yesterday so will plan on taking that exam next.

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Yesterday it was one year ago that my H said he "may delay the D a month or two".

I went out for some errands in the car yesterday and was enjoying looking at the ice on everything and I turned the car radio station to "oldies".

I heard Billie Joel's Just the Way You Are, and in a few seconds I was a sobbing mess of tears:

Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I would not leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are

Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care

I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take 'till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.

I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from my heart
I couldn't love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

Still tearing up reading these words....

I hope everyone has a decent Christmas Eve.

[Mtnman]

Love the song rH!

Congratulations on the exam!!!!