Hi Everyone. My thread got locked so here is a new one. Not much to report, just wanted a place to journal etc.. hope everyone is well! Merry Christmas all!
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
So what gifts did everyone buy for themselves? The kids? The Monster??? Lol
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
I saw a beautiful card so I bought it and sent it to my parents last week. Other than that, no gifts purchased from me and I probably won't receive any. I am ok with that.... I usually dont want anything, I prefer to make the day special for others but I dont live near any family now, so it'll just be me and my dog.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Merry Christmas SM34! Its such a difficult time of year for people in our situations. Such a lonely feeling..
I will get the boys tomorrow night and then have our Christmas boxing day morning! I never got my W anything and would be super surprised if she got me anything. Did a collage picture frame with the boys to give to their mother from them.
Im eying up a DSLR prime lens that will be on sale for boxing day. Merry Christmas to me!
All the best SM34!
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Spoiling yourself is part of 'working on yourself'
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Oh by the way, have a small gift ready so you don't get caught off guard. My wife, in full monster mode last christmas, had about ten thoughtful gifts all wrapped and ready for me. Awkward...
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Mimi, is there anywhere you can go to spend christmas with friends or family? You need to be around people and have some fun! You sound like such an amazing person and i can't imagine it would be difficult to find someone who wants to enjoy your company
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Help!! The roller coaster just came to a screeching halt....
So two days ago, my w goes to her dr and finds out she has an std. Typical story i guess. If you play with fire you get burned.
So since she had passed an std panel a few months back, she started digging around for what OM is upto. Turns out he has been cheating on the cheater since september!!
Now I had been sensing her moving closer to me and going to see him less and less and spending more and more time at home. She also started investing in our family...time and care, cooking, cleaning, and even using her new paychecks to pay mortgage and bills for once in her life.
So this is how it went down...
Me: how did dr visit go? W: not good. Don't want to talk about it. Me: okay.
Next day. ..
W: ok I'm ready to talk. I have <insert std name>. Commence crying uncontrollably.... W: he's been cheating on me since september. I haven t been emotionally invested in the relationship for months now and I should have just ended it. <more crying and sobbing>. My gut told me I wasn't going in the right direction and i have no idea why I didn't listen to my gut.
I didn't say anything. I wanted to say you deserve it, but I bit my tongue. Kept quiet.
W: I'm so sorry I put you through this. I'm so stupid. <more crying>. How could I have been this stupid. Hes a piece of sh!t. I spent two hours t alking to the girl he cheated on me with and she had no idea. I told her to run for the hills.
Sob sob... I kept quiet.
W: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I did this to you. To us. I've been very stupid. I can't believe how stupid I was.
I gave her a brief hug and then pulled away.
Since then, she told her mom who then called me. Her mom said she told her she needed to fix the damage and focus on her marriage. Of course she got no response because as we know, people in that moment aren't thinking about their marriage. Their still too busy focusing on their selfish little existence. I told MIL that if W wants to fix it then she needs to act...no more talking. And that I feel marriage counseling is prenature. First she needs to see a therapist or at least talk to her mom in depth and get her head straight.
She's been emotionally wrecked since then. Not eating etc.. you know, the bomb diet that we've all been on before. Karma is a b!tch.
No mention of 'us' from me or her. I've been friendly and trying to keep her in a good mood but nothing over the top or emasculating. I got several apologees, but no attempt to say forgive me or whatever.
I'm not sure what to do now. What needs to be said by me, or by her? How does it go from here?
Should I extend an invitation back to the marriage? Should that be her doing the hard work? I'm not sure if she thinks I'm not interested anymore..
We would have to wait for std to clear up. And I kind of think celebacy would be good for her right now. I mean, i have learned so much during my alone time so maybe she could too.
She slept both nights in the guest bedroom still. Should I be inviting her back? I don't think so, but getting opinions wouldn't hurt.
It has come to an ugly ending just as we all know would happen. She hates him. She wants to kill him. She ruined his new fling and that woman is dumping his ass. And he is mad. I think its safe to say its over in one of the ways that an lbs could only hope for. Om cheating, an std, and a new fling. Ouch.
Any thoughts everyone? I need some direction. Nrbond, accuray, 25yearsmlc, sandi, cc, melissa, suckerpunch, adinva and everyone has who has helped me along the way. I need your input hers in a big way.
Where do I go from here?
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Your W has just gone through a traumatic change in her situation and is very emotional as a result. I think you handled it well by being friendly but not too available. I would not make any invitations or overtures. Just do more of the same until she works through her crisis. You don't want to be her rebound man and then see her spring off again. Just hold tight and keep doing what you're doing.
My two cents is that she should be the one asking to come back, versus you inviting her, and there should be conditions.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
