We all need strength to go on during this journey.
I have found advice, wisdom, and power in lots of places.
Isaiah 40:29-31
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Continuing from my last thread. Christmas 2013 is behind me now and I have learned even more about myself, my sitch, and my own personal strength. Thanks to the advice, wisdom, and guidance of wonderful people in this community, I had a great holiday with my sons.
New traditions were created: Caroling to nursing home and shut ins, baking cookies for my family, Christmas Eve candlelight service, buying gifts for needy children from our Angel Tree.
New realizations were made: W is falling completely apart emotionally, mentally, and physically. It is painful to watch. I will be OK no matter what happens. My sons will be OK if I am the only parent here and being responsible. I am a good man. I enjoy talking to people, being open and friendly. Other people really notice and like the new me.
Things to work on for 2014: Keep detaching. Stop watching W's actions. Spend that emotional energy on myself and my boys. Keep working hard at digging my own weeds. Stop being so hard on myself. Find out how to really love. Laugh and enjoy little pleasures.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Thanks UR. Just trying to sum up my journey thus far. Christmas has been a struggle, but me and the boys have made it happily.
W has been in the bed basically all day today. Maybe upright for 2 hours when she got all dressed up to go to try to get a new phone. It was too expensive. Surprised she didn't get it anyway. Came home and went back to bed.
I have washed clothes, dishes, played video games with both boys, watched movie with s10, played bball with s12 and other things to try and stay busy today. Going out to return some things tomorrow. Keeping the calendar full so that I'm not focusing on her so much.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
I know it is so hard to watch the woman you love in such pain and so lost.
She is deep in depression, J. She can get through parts of the day like work because it is manageable right now.
She feels like she is swimming through mud with no rocks to grab onto.
You just keep doing what you are doing. You cant help her unfortunately. This is something she absolutely has to do herself.
You keeping the household going matters, J. And so does being there for your children. Just dont forget to take care of yourself. It is important that you carve out some me time and some time to be around adults.
Gotta keep up the GAL. Very important to your well being.
Just remember that it is what is at the moment. It will not always be like this.
W basically can't stand quality "family time" at this point. Yesterday, she stayed in bed all day by herself. Today, we went out shopping and returning items and she was nasty and hateful with me all day long. Tried to provoke me into a fight 3 separate times in front of the boys. I used my best DB skills, ignoring 2 attempts and excusing myself to the bathroom on the third. Angered me that she tried to pull that in front of the kids, but that's where we are right now.
Positives: Played some video games with S10. S12 and I got agreat laugh watching W try to get into some jeans she bought. She wasn't quite as small as she had hoped. Funny. I said nothing, but S12 called her out, "Good luck getting those buttoned." Ha.
Some regularity tomorrow as S10 has bball practice and I have some steaks to grill for lunch after that. Too much together time today. It was just more than she could handle. I'm still the bad guy and she hates being married. I am the source of all her pain and suffering. I have invited her to move out if things are that bad. She's having none of that, because that would admit wrongdoing and she would have to face reality.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Just saw a sight I haven't seen in months. W was crying. Brought the boys to bball practice and when I walked upstairs to tell her we were going, she was just laying there in the bed crying. Broke my heart. I actually went up to tell her I had started the dishes and ask her to run some clothes while we were gone. When I saw her crying, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Just told her I started the dishes and would grill steaks for lunch when we got back.
Roller coaster continues. From hateful and spiteful yesterday to a crying mess today. We left her alone to deal with it.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
Yeah, J. She is in a bad way. The best thing you can do is keep doing what you're doing. And do NOT take the bait from her. She'll keep trying until she figures out what she's so mad and depressed about. There's no time limit, so be on your guard and stay focused on everything else.
You are doing very well, J. I like the way you handle it and the life you are building. I do realize it's no fun, but good work.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
