Burning Heart and Dylis. My W is in a huge fog. Friends and family are not happy with her new found personality and life. They see she has become someone else that none of them like. So I need to accept that the W is struggling, very much with what she is going through. She also will not meet up with me, for the same reasons you talk about Burning Heart, the eyes. I can see how much guilt and love still would be in those eyes. So she just texts, to make her feel less vulnerable, I suppose. Your choice is simple: accept this is going to take a long time, detach, GAL and stand for your marriage. Or move on. She will say and do things you don't like and won't agree with. I have just signed legal papers to buy the houses from my W. I don't like that at all, and didn't want to do it. But I needed to for my future and possibly our future, if she allows it.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
You cannot talk or reason with your W on her choice to leave the marriage. It is her perception at this moment and she's put up a Berlin Wall between the two of you as a self-protection mechanism. She's feeling pain so she distances herself from you because of the memories, feeling helpless that you don't listen to her concerns, and probably some guilt mixed in there.
For now, let W walk her own path and figure things out by herself. What you can do is validate her when W texts you or talks to you about her emotions. You don't bring up YOUR own emotions or anything related to the marriage. Need to STFU about the marriage. It is all about W's feelings, thoughts, and emotions right now. Yep, it is a tough road which is why DB vets harp at the "detachment" point over and over for your own mental well-being and GAL to put the focus squarely back on YOU.
What GAL activities are you involved with now, BH?
It'd be great if she said all the right things. Nothing from her today and I've backed off. Trying not to add pressure. Also time for MIL and FIL to get better.
The communication has been better the last two weeks and the last few days it's gotten colder and more distant. I don't understand it. I'm being patient and giving time. It's up to her or when I'm calling it quits.
Was at a bar lastnite with friends and got some attention from a woman. It felt nice but I also felt guilty. Idk. We all hungout later in the night. Pleasant nothing more. It really made me miss my W more actually.
GAL...I am spending some time at the bar, reading, drawing, work, reconnecting with friends and family, cleaning the house and cars.
Work has improved. Since I work for in laws idk what'll happen. But for now things seem ok.
I've been with old friends lately. We had a falling out with them a year or so ago. I wanted to end the negativity so I started hanging out with them again. It's good.
This is good to hear...keeping the focus on you, activities, and friends. It is nice to reconnect with them again. Nothing like being "home" again with friends! You're doing good in this department and keep it up.
As for work, focus on providing quality work and service. The rest will take care of itself.
I heard from W late lastnite, text. She's been sick with the flu and sorry she hasn't text me.
I got a bit drunk lastnite at the bar. I hugged everyone. This isn't outside what I used to do. It's been awhile. Someone pulled me aside and said their son was going through the same thing as me. She's a nice lady. Her son was there and I met him.
I may go outta town this weekend. Just to get away for a night. Have some fun.
You're doing good in this department and keep it up. 