Have not been on here much since W asked me to come back home on Christmas day. Things have been going pretty well until recently. My W has been guarding her phone ever since I moved back in and always texting. I have had this bad feeling in my stomach for weeks, the kind when you can just sense something. Well it got to me so bad that I went on our account and saw that she texts this one number all day every day. I called the number yesterday and my suspicions were correct. Got the voice mail of the OM she was talking to while we were separated.
This morning my D brought up his name out of the blue and it upset me, W heard D say it as well. I asked her if she was still talking or texting him and she looked me dead in the eye and said no. Bold faced lie, she texts him all day every day! I cant say that I know because she does not know I can see the usage on the account.
She claims he is back with his W, but how can I believe that when she looks me in the eye and lies about even texting him all? I know that I am back in the house and that means a lot, but how can I even go home and pretend to be happy when I know this is going on??
She would just deny everything and if I told her I have proof it would probably mean the end of M. She would say they are just friends and yada yada. Who texts their friend every five minutes all day every day?
I am really struggling here guys, what am I supposed to do??
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
Did she ever tell you that she would be completely transparent with you?
Tell her that you believe her, but just to set your mind at ease, you want total transparancy and that you would like to look at her phone records. Look her dead in the eye when you tell her this.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I've looked at the records and I know what they show. I know how she would react as well. It would be I cant believe you dont trust me and turn into a huge fight.
My main issue is that I do not trust her now and have no idea how we can ever have a real M when this is going on. Regardless of what they are texting/talking about. What the heck could they be texting about every 5 damn minutes all day every day? My W is a teacher, how can she even be doing her job.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
And the funny thing is she has OM as her BF's name for a contact so if he texts and I see her phone it looks like the BF. Wow how creative like I'm stupid. When he texts later I should as to see what BF has to say and watch her squirm.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
I want this M to work more than anything, but every day I'm living a lie. If I really want to give us a chance do I try to act as if I don't know it's going on? Try to be the perfect man and hope it stops when she realizes what she has?
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
Tell her that you believe her, but just to set your mind at ease, you want total transparancy and that you would like to look at her phone records. Look her dead in the eye when you tell her this.
This is not telling her you ALREADY did it and know. It is saying, "Show me the evidence that you deserve my trust."
And Mr. Bond is right... she asked you back. She needs to step up and give you a reason to stay. You could have stayed gone, but you came back with the implication that you were both going to work on your M. You can't do that while she is still emotionally invested in the OW and its time to make that very clear to her. And yes, she will probably explode and maybe even over react... but you can't walk on eggshells all the time. This is a point too big to leave stewing.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
I know what I should do and you guys are right. What is going on is not fair to me. I have all I can do to look her in the eyes. Last night she was drink at the house and got very emotional and started crying. Saying that I can't help her, it's her guilt and confusion and she needs to work thru it. That me seeming down is making it worse on her. I asked what she meant by her guilt and she kinda avoided it.
I'm so scared to lose my M over basically proving to her I know. My thoughts are for my D future at this point and I'm basically praying to god that it stops on its own without me having to do what should be done. I don't know how long I can go on like this. Today again she has been texting him nonstop. I feel like I'm going to throw up all the time.
I know W is extremely depressed and very much still in MLC mode. I just can't continue to pretend everything is fine. I'm going to hold on as long as I can, but the next time she asks to go out with her girl friends I fear it will be the end. I know where she will be going.
Sorry for all the rambling, I don't k ow what else to do right now.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
