After reading his e-mail, I smiled. It made me feel good. He is back to being nice and considerate person I knew. I had no expectations. And I don’t have any when I go to the vacation home. I just want to enjoy myself and the event.
I feel stronger and more confident that I’m moving in the right direction. Maybe this has something to do with the daily meditations and love affirmations that I’m sending to H and everybody important to me. I feel more at peace. Maybe this is a beginning of finally letting go and dropping the rope.
I am glad that H is back to communicating with you. But this is still the roller coaster, isn't it? When he is nice and contacts you, you feel happy and confident, when he doesn't, you feel anxious. I could be talking about me, there LOL!
I have every hope for you, Bright. I have never been able to meditate or do affirmations, even though I have heard lots of positive things. Maybe I should try again. I tried yoga once and the instructor said that I was the least relaxed person she ever met. Whoops.
I like hearing that you had no expectations and just want to enjoy yourself. That's a great feeling to have, no longer allowing someone else's emotions to bring you down.
I have hope for positive things for you.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Portia, Pud, Ab Fab, thanks for positive thought sent my way. I really need them right now. I feel down today. Got a couple rejections on the jobs I applied for. I don’t know what is going on with the market these days. I’m getting discouraged. I need a miracle.
Last Saturday I was invited to a party. The guy who I met more than a year ago at my GF’s pub and who I went to the winery with a few weeks ago, texted me on Saturday and asked if I wanted to go to his friend’s house for a get together party. I thought I needed a little change of the environment and decided to go. I met some new people there and had a good time. The guy who invited me was really attentive and it looked like he was trying some courting. He even tried to kiss me when he brought me back to the parking where I left my car. I have no emotion about this. I’m indifferent. I told him last year that I only wanted the friendship, but I guess he hasn’t given up the hope that it could be more than that. He is nice and caring, but I’m not interested at this time. Thought it felt good to know that I can be back on a dating scene with not much of an effort.
I e-mailed H today about this weekend to let him know that we are coming for the races. I thanked him for making the condo available to us and asked him if he would like me to bring anything. Will see if he replies.
A strange thing happened again. I thought H redirected all his mail to his new PO box, at least for time being, while he in the vacation home. I didn’t see his Playboy magazine last month, so I thought he changed the address. Well, a magazine showed up at my house a couple of days ago. I don’t understand this.
My GF (from the pub) is going to the races this weekend too. She is bringing a couple of people with her, including another guy who I met at the pub and who is supposedly has a crash on me. Oh, yeah, and I am supposed to call a guy who I met last time at the vacation home pool, and who is also interested in a friendship with me. He wants to go to the races with me too. Should be interesting weekend.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
FY, when I posted about the package with sand bags, you were not interested. And now I have a Playboy, and here you are, LOL.
I think there are about 4 guys who are interested in me and a couple more wanted to go on a date. And I met all of them (except one) through my GF who owns a pub. It is funny, because one of H’s complaints was that I didn’t like going to the bars and pubs with him. He retracted this somewhat when he realized the absurdity of his statement. I’m not a regular bar visitor, but when I show up I get lots of attention now, when I’m single.
Well, H went silent again. Didn’t answer my last e-mail. I know he read it. Something spooked him, idk. Maybe my question if he needs me to bring anything for him. I do this for my friends all the time, so it is not like I’m doing something special for H. Maybe he thought that there was too much niceness lately, LOL. I don’t care, actually. Less headache for me.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Update. We drove to the vacation home yesterday. My son’s GF drove with me and my son and his friend drove later. We got here in time for dinner. My friends here called me 2 days ago and told me the they would expect us for dinner at their house. So, we got here and called, and my GF here told me that there is no dinner, since her H decided to go out that night. We went to their house anyway, picked up some food and wine. My GF and a kid were in the house.
We ate and chatted for a while. I didn’t even ask who her H went with. I had my suspicion that it was my H. So, later in the evening her H comes back and the next thing I knew, my H walked in the house as well. I don’t know why I didn’t consider this scenario. I was not in my best condition, and I had a little cold (with red nose, sigh.) I kind of looked a bit surprised, I guess. While my male friend was giving me a hug, H proceeded to great my son’s GF and gave her a hug. I didn’t get a hug from him, weird.
We all had a few drinks by that time, and obviously H and my male friend had a lot more. So, we were sitting, listening to the music from YouTube, chatting. I don’t remember all the details of the conversations. The only thing that was a bit interesting was when it was H’s turn to pick the music, he said that he was going to pick a band that he thought I would like. He then he said that we went to a couple of concerts of this band (I and him.) I thought it was interesting that he wanted to listen to the music that I liked and also brought up some memories.
At the end of the night when we were getting ready to leave, H got up and rushed out of the door without giving anyone a hug, just said brief good night and run at of the door.
My son’s GF made a comment that it seemed he didn’t know what to do. She also noticed that he didn’t hug me and thought it was rude.
I was relaxed (well, had a few drinks) and having fun. I could not careless that I didn’t look my best. During our M I was always trying to look my best for him, and at the end he didn’t like my anyway. So, I figured that there is no point to impress him, so I was just being myself.
There are a few more details I will post later. I think that I came here with the intention to have fun and not concentrate on what H’s doing. This is why I just can’t remember some details right now.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I was relaxed (well, had a few drinks) and having fun. I could not careless that I didn’t look my best. During our M I was always trying to look my best for him, and at the end he didn’t like my anyway. So, I figured that there is no point to impress him, so I was just being myself.
I can relate to this completely. I spent decades trying so hard to look like a hottie for Smokey and it didn't make dam bit of difference in the long run. Now, I kinda don't care anymore. I look nice, but I'm not going outta my way. He's not worth the effort.
Sounds like you handled the "Surprise!" well. And, he sounds like he handled it in a very predictable, MLC-way.
Lots of love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Bright, I wouldn't worry about how I looked. You were being yourself and had a cold. As for your h running out quickly at the end of the night...the man doesn't know what to say or do around everyone. He's still feeling a bit uncomfortable about things and quite frankly, he should.
Roll w/the punches and enjoy your vacation. I wouldn't worry about him too much because he's a big boy and can take care of himself.
Take care of yourself and I hope you feel better soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bright, Thinking about you and wondering how things are going. Hope you're having a good time at your Vacation home. You handled yourself well with your h at your friends house.
Keep us posted as you have time. Also happy to hear that you're son and his gf are spending time with you there too. Continue to keep the focus on you and let your h stand back and watch the men standing in line waiting for him to let you go! LOL
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
I have lots of updates. Cannot even get my head strait trying to remember everything.
Other things H said on the first night. He rearranged the furniture in the condo, so he when we were at the friends’ house he was explaining why he did it. Then he asked if the dog was OK with where his dish was now, because it got moved from the corner. I said that it was fine. I asked him if there were more water leaks in the condo, because I saw the holes cut in the dry wall in the garage. He was telling me the whole story about it and seemed upset about it.
He said that the reason he moved love seat in place of couch is because the couch had sunken cushions because this is where he falls asleep almost every night, so he doesn’t make it to the bedroom. I told him that this is also what happens to me in my house. It used to be him falling asleep on the couch watching TV. I would normally not wake him up, just cover him with the blanket and bring the pillow from our bed.
I had a feeling that he kind of wanted me to know that he falls asleep on the couch. Don’t know why.
Forgot to mention that when we got the condo, there was a note from H, telling us that all linens were clean and also telling us where he was staying in case we need anything. And then wished us a fun race weekend. There was also a new sticker for the sand rail on the counter, so it could be driven in and out of the gated community. I immediately thought that he didn’t even drive the rail this year.
I didn’t expect to see H at all during the weekend. So, next day we did some activities with my son and his GF, and the dog. Later we were supposed to go to town where there was a show of the race cars. We were supposed to meet our friends (mutual friends) and my GF (the one who owns the bar) with her son and his GF there. The guy who I mentioned had a crush on me didn’t come with them. So, we came to town and went to the restaurant where we were supposed to meet. Everybody was already there. And there was H again, sitting with my male friend and my GF (the bar owner). When I called them earlier, they didn’t mention that H would be there, so I was surprised again.
All kids got a table and we were sitting at the bar. Just like in old times, except I was not sitting next to H. We talked some more. I cannot even remember all of it. I looked better this time. I ordered margarita. They brought it in a plastic glass and it tasted horrible, very sweet. H seemed to be concerned about it told me to return it back and order a new one in a glass. He almost did call the bartender for me.
Later he showed everybody his tattoo. It came out bigger than he wanted. There is a hand with the piece sign and it is colored in American flag colors. There was a part of an eagle and then something that I could not understand. He explained that there was supposed to be a part of a Mexican flag too, but it was not finished yet. It is not too bad actually. The kids were impressed.
He said that it is taking a lot longer than he expected and this is why he cannot go to the pool to play water volleyball, his favorite thing here. He said that he started the tattoo before his birthday, just like he was planning all along.
He sat with us for a while. My GF was taking pictures and sending them to the people we both know. She sent one of our pictures to these two guys who are interested in me and who I mentioned before. She got reply with the picture of both of them, apparently at her bar. She was trying to make it a bit mysterious, showing the picture to my male friends and whispering something in his ear. And I was trying to not show off. I just didn’t feel like it.
I ordered some food and ate. H was still sitting there. Then, just like the previous night, he abruptly got up, said good bye and left.
Stay tuned for the next part.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
