Floatin down the mighty rivers of British Columbia

[LoisB]

Alright. Dammit. I texted.

Here's what I said:

I appreciate your communication. I was under the impression you agreed to pay for this semester. As far as parenting, I'm sorry you see yourself as being victimized. I don't see you as the victim here. I don't see myself as such either. I think you made some choices which brought things, with the kids, to this point. But, you have the right to your opinion.

[LoisB]

I'm shaking.

[LoisB]

Thanks GM!! I just needed to hear another understanding voice. :-)

I did respond with the above. I don't think it was too horrible. I'm just so sick of him blaming me. I held out for 30 minutes though!!!

Thanks for responding.

[NLW]

I know... this is just too much.

But, you now what? It's just more of the script. I keep saying this, but I am constantly amazed at how these mlcers spout the same BS.

Mine also 'decided' that once D17 turned 18 (last month), he was no longer financially responsible for her.

He also told me that I was responsible for ruining his relationship with his children.
Pick me up off the floor someone please....

Where i live, there is a thing called 'adult child maintenance' that applies when kids are 18 and over but still in full-time education.

Thing is, 18yo has to file in court themselves. They are appointed a legal aid lawyer and they petition to have the recalcitrant parent pay up.

XH is going to blow his stack when he finds himself being taken to court by his own child but unless he contributes to her upkeep, she cannot continue her education.

In my experience there is ABSOLUTELY NO POINT in replying to their emails.
This just plays the game they need to keep the madness going.

I've learnt that NOTHING i do or say makes an ounce of difference at this point in the process. Best just to stand back and let them fume whilst getting on with whatever a normal rational person would do.

[mj0221]

I think you did good with your response. I bet it wasn't easy to hold back though.

I agree that if you don't have a legal agreement you should look into that. It sounds like he may know the laws of the state. In my state, it was just passed this year that the father, or other parent, is no longer responsible for college....so it can't even be addressed in divorce papers anymore unless both parties are in agreement to it. Also here I think it's 18 or 19 they are no longer responsible to to pay support for.

You are doing very well. Don't let this throw you off too much.

[LoisB]

Thanks guys.

I know that this text means he is spinning a bit. And, that's a good thing! It means I'm getting better because, it's about time HE spins about costs like college and not just me. And, his stuff about parenting means he, in his sick mind, is feeling guilty and awful about his relationship with the girls.

What I need to do: I need to stop allowing HIS spinning to spin me. I was OK until I received this text. I'm going to go back to ok. I'm going to go back to finishing my story I'm writing and feed D11 dinner.

I replied and I think I set my boundaries well. I don't think I came off as angry or emotional. I'm proud of that. I'm sick of him playing the victim card and I think I made my point.

"Hey Smokey, you dumbA$$, YOU AREN'T the VICTIM!! Our KIDS ARE the victims here!"

Whether he heard me or not, that's his problem. I told him how I feel. Take it or leave it. And, I told him that he had a right to his opinion.

I know I probably shouldn't have responded at all, but he contacts me so infrequently that I felt I needed to, at least, acknowledge this text--especially since it was about the kids.

[LoisB]

I'm back to relatively calm. I need to check for Ohio and see if D19 could file her own petition for support from him.

Adding it to the list.

[job]

Heather,
I'm sorry I wasn't around to be here for you....but, I don't think he's spinning at all. In fact, I think he's quite the sane one right now w/respect to your daughter's bills for college. I also think it's time that you and your daughter sit down and discuss the insurance and get that moved over to your account because if he gets ticked enough w/her and her attitude, he's going to cut her off on insurance. Unfortunately, you don't have anything legally in place, therefore, he knows he's not legally obligated to pay her bills. Yes, it would be nice if he would man up and be a dad and do the right thing...but it's not going to happen unless something is put in place legally. I suspect he's already checked this out w/his father. I think we've discussed this same issue previously on another one of your threads when you had a $125 bill come in.

On the other situation, yes, he feels like he's the victim in everything because of the way the girls have behaved around him lately. He thinks that you've encouraged them to be like that...but we know you haven't. So, instead of buying into his poor me BS, don't get into it w/him. All you are doing is providing more justification for him to not come there or provide any type of support to his oldest daughter. Yes, you made your point...but he's not listening because it's the same type of issues that you've attempted to tell him in the past. Your "discussions" w/him are the just about the same 85% of the time. It's time to change up and not reply in a reactive way in the future. There has to be a way to work this stuff out and I'm going to think on it for a while.

In the future, if you are anxious and need assistance rather quickly, you have my number, just call me.

[job]

Heather,
I did some digging on the net and here's what I found out about the Ohio state law pertaining to college tuition after divorce:

•Ohio - No statute or case law holding parent to duty.

I am "assuming" since you are separated that it would be the same as "after divorce", but that would be something you would need to discuss w/a lawyer since you have nothing legally in place for child support for either of the girls.

[LoisB]

Thanks Job. I will do some digging.

What a day. Geez. The car broke down on our way to go on a hike and I spent nearly two hours while the guy tried to figure it out. Turns out the problem was only a $30 problem, but I need to go pick up the car tomorrow.

Came home and the Forester was there. The barn roof looks great but my mom was there because she had picked me up from the mechanic's. Forester came in to visit and my mom was kinda weird. Then, she freaked out because I hadn't put down the deposit on the cottage. Then, she freaked because my sister was freaked and, apparently, it was all on me to fix. I felt angry and frustrated because they know my situation, but still...

Anyway, it was a long day.

Then, outta the blue. What an A$$.

You don't think he is spinning at all. Sounded like he was upset and ready to prove his point...Dammit. Goddddd dammit. Sonnofabitch. I thought I handled it OK. I hate when I find out I fuxxed it up again. I shoulda called you. Honestly, it didn't even occur to me.

He probably drove by the house, saw the Forester's car, went to his parents...ranted and raved, because they love to blame me too, then drove home and unloaded with the text.

I wonder if D19 could take him to court?

I'm so effin overwhelmed and sick of all this bull. I get one effin thing handled and another one pops up. Even vacation is now an ISSUE.