JBNATI: I used to run Marathon's and now I feel like this M is a sprint. Anyway, you wrote, "...Sad to say, often times my S will visit and she will sleep into the afternoon. Her house is cluttered. She doesn't get out and do too much. She spends a lot of time on dating sites according to my S. It's sad, it's almost like she's looking for someone else to fix her rather than taking on the responsibility herself. frown" I caught this and think you might be onto her and that she will be like others, wake up and know she went on her journey and found herself at the end. That's what I hope happens to your ?xW. She is trying to find happiness and seems depressed by the way you're describing her situation. You never know what will happen next. That is for sure.
Owl - I honestly think she's been depressed for years. I think part of has been from things that happened before the M, part because of the M, and I'm sure her physical stature plays a part as well - she's very overweight and has struggled with her weight her entire life. I can't even begin to imagine what her daily struggles are with that. As we're coming to the finish line though, she seems determined to see the D through. It's almost like it's a box she needs to check before she can move forward with her life.
UPDATE: Our final hearing for the D is scheduled for next Tuesday. It's scheduled for 15 minutes - that's it. Crazy, huh I think I am feeling the most angst out of it because I keep thinking to myself I should be more stressed / should feel more anxiety about it - if that makes sense. I was on vacation with my S last week and really didn't even think about it a lot. I took the day off work next week, and I'll probably just go for a long bike ride afterward, weather permitting. I am volunteering as a crew leader again for VBS at my church. My focus really seems to more on what I'm going to be doing this weekend, next week and beyond. The hearing is just something I have to take care of next week.
The good news is my W and I are getting along better than we have in a long time. We've got out to eat together a few times with my S. TBH, even though we're getting along pretty well, I can't envision her being a part of this new life I built for myself over the last 3+ years. I think it would take her indicating she wants to get back together, and doing so with conviction. Also, she has given me NO indication she does not want to go through with the D. Like I mentioned in an earlier post - if nothing else, she feels the need to check the box to bring the D to fruition, whether or not she feels it is still the right decision. She actually seems a little bit healthier now emotionally and I'm glad to see it. It may be because the D is getting close to being finalized or it may be product of working on herself, or it could be a combination.
You’re in a pretty healthy place and this step is scheduled to take place. Mine had a generally surreal quality about it. Try not to worry about not worrying.
Plan on having something to do afterwards, something you can use to center yourself. It is a pretty emotive event and having the ability to put things in perspective and move on is a gift I would advise giving yourself.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I think I am feeling the most angst out of it because I keep thinking to myself I should be more stressed / should feel more anxiety about it - if that makes sense. I was on vacation with my S last week and really didn't even think about it a lot. I took the day off work next week, and I'll probably just go for a long bike ride afterward, weather permitting. I am volunteering as a crew leader again for VBS at my church. My focus really seems to more on what I'm going to be doing this weekend, next week and beyond. The hearing is just something I have to take care of next week.