Need help saving my family - part 4

[Scorp7]

Time for a new thread.

Here are links to the earlier threads:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

[Scorp7]

I am going ahead and filing for D to protect my rights as a father to my kids as I mentioned in the last thread. Not something I want to do to say the least but it's necessary for the sake of my kids.

Here is where I am today. My W had asked me to respond to her email from last week saying she wants to know if I'm ok to sell our house and all other assets we have. She went on to say that I would only be allowed to have our kids with me for every second weekend and then sharing holidays. I had never agreed to that in any way and have said from the start we need to share time with our kids equally.

I feel that it's the right thing to respond to my W's email from last week but I don't want to discuss any of the financial matters with her unless she will agree to sharing our kids. If she will not agree to sharing time equally with our kids and co parenting then I don't see how I can go along with the other things she's asking for.

Thoughts? If I am going to send my W anything with regard to our kids I had thought I would offer my own schedule just as she had done in which we alternate having the kids every other week.

[Wonka]

Scorp,

You've been given some examples on how to respond to emails based on STFU and KISS principles here and in Melissa's thread.

How about you start your own draft response and post here for feedback? We'll support you here.

[unbidden]

I also think you should get some advice from your lawyer as to how and/or whether you should respond. Perhaps he should do it. It is particularly important that you have on record the fact that you do not agree to such a reduced visitation schedule. Check with your L.

[Scorp7]

Unbidden, I did check with my L and she agreed that I should not get into the financials with my W unless she first agrees to sharing our kids equally. It's definitely been on record from the beginning (one good thing about communicating via email) that I do not agree with how things currently are.

I still of course have full custody of my kids so technically what my W is doing is illegal. I likely could bring my kids home, enroll them back in their old schools etc, but that would likely just lead to WW3 and having the kids in a tug of war between my W and I. Not a good thing for them at all so I won't do that.

I'll put something together to send to my W that details the schedule of sharing time equally with our kids and then go from there. I'll post it here before I send, the feedback you all have provided has been so great.

[Drew]

Did she ask you again today to respond to her email from last week?

[Scorp7]

Drew, no I haven't heard from her since last week. My last email said that I would respond to her within 1 to 2 weeks. She then sent another email last week saying she wanted to deal with things right away.

[Scorp7]

Here is what I have (name's changed as usual):


Hi, thanks for giving me some time before I responded to your last email. Here is a schedule I will agree to regarding sharing time with our kids. It divides time between us equally which will still allow you to have our kids for at least two weekends a month, something that you had said previously was important to you when I had proposed the kids being with me every weekend until I moved to town. We would split holidays equally as well.

March 14 to March 21 - Scorp
March 21 to March 28 - W
March 28 to April 4 - Scorp
April 4 to April 11- W
April 11 to April 18 - Scorp
April 18 to April 25 - W
April 25 to May 2 - Scorp
May 2 to May 9 - W
May 9 to May 16 - Scorp
May 16 to May 23 - W
May 23 to May 30 - Scorp
May 30 to June 6 - W
June 6 to June 13 - Scorp
June 13 to June 20 - W
June 20 to June 27 - Scorp
June 27 to July 4 - W
(this would continue indefinitely with the possible exception being summer holidays as mentioned below)

The summer can be split equally. It likely would be best to either share the time with the kids over the summer for 2 weeks with you followed by two weeks with me. Alternatively, we could stick with the regular schedule, alternating every other week, as being away from either of us for two weeks would be hard on the kids.

In the event one of us was unable to care for the kids during the time they were with us the other parent would be the first option to care for the kids. For example, if you needed to be away for work or some other event and could not care for the kids during that time then the kids would be with me.

For birthdays and other special events it would be ideal for the kids to have both of us with them. If you are not comfortable with that, then we could change the schedule to ensure that the kids are with one of us for one year and then the other parent the next year. An example of this would be for Jane's birthday this year, the schedule would have our kids with me so we would agree that next year, regardless of how the weekly schedule worked out, our kids would be with you.

Also, I have heard about an online service called Family Wizard, http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ofw/, which looks like a great way for us to potentially deal with communication. Here are some of the features of the service, http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ofw/index.cfm/features/. It looks to be a good way to handle communication through a third party.

I look forward to your reply,
Scorp

[Drew]

Scorp,

Go back and read her email. I did.

And try again.

[Scorp7]

Drew, I'm not sure what you're getting at? I know my W want to deal with the financial matter immediately, she wants to buy a home for herself and our kids, but I can't go along with that if she will not deal with sharing our kids.

My L will be sending her D papers within the next month and they will include things such as forcing her to move back to our province, giving me full custody of the kids etc. These are all part of a negotiation. I don't like having to do this but she has not given me a choice.