My wife thinks she might be a lesbian

[labug]

So Dyno, what do you think your choices are?

[Dyno]

First and foremost is be there for my kids. I've read hear about don't believe her and such and can only hope that it is a lie. Like I said earlier I've steped up my end a bit more and trying the 180 approach which at the moment seems to make her also not contact me but once aday. I'm going to let her D proceedings run its course and only hope that something changes in my favor. Thx

[Dyno]

I just got in the mail today to appear in court for them to figure out income and expenses. For support to be honest I was hoping it wouldn't have went this far. I'm sure I'm being a fool about her being a lesbian and me hoping it was just experimental. Just a fool still in love I guess. I went up to cabin this weekend to do some chores which kept my mind occupied. She sent me a few texts asking how was drive weather and cabin. My responses were just little cold out and a lot of snow. I didn't respond to one she sent asking what I do all day while I'm up there by myself. I do miss her but sticking to my guns and let the cards fall where they lay. I don't text or call her when she is gone when it's my turn at home with kids which plays heavy on my mind because I know she is with her new partner. I will continue on my end doin what I can. I will still be hopeful until signing on the dotted line. I'm not just sitting around feeling sorry for myself my time is occupied quite a bit with kids n work. It's hard being around my friends it feels totally different at the moment. I feel like sometimes I'm poison even while putting on a happy face. Thanks all this helps me feel a little better writing it down here because I don't feel judged and I don't have to burden others with my sitch. Thanks again

[threegirlsdad]

Hi Dyno,
I'm interested in your progress and the answers you get here. I'm in the same boat for about a year...been lurking here for a while.

I have received good advice from the DB coaching. I would recommend that as a start.

It is a tough one. Reading Sexual Fluidity by Lisa Diamond might help you get some perspective.

[Spartan]

Well first of all I'm really sorry you're in this predicament. This stuff is tough so at least you found this place. Second I wanted to just reach our from one Michigander to another.

I think you're doing the right thing with not pressuring her and just letting things move along. This process is a long one and nothing good will come from pressuring her at all.

I think it's awesome how you're involved with your kids. Word of advice I was given early on is no matter what happens never bash their mom in front of them because no matter what she will always be their mom so well done there. I know how hard that can be sometimes but that's one of the best pieces of advice I received.

With all that and reading your story a little bit I'm just curious what it means to you when you say you're taking the 180 degree approach. What type of things are you doing differently? And... are you doing these 180's for her to see and maybe react to or are you doing some that you feel you need to do for you?

[Dyno]

Thank you Spartan the 180 approach I'm taking is mainly with conversation I'm not initiating text talk or anything. I do respond politely and I don't bash kids Mom mostly because I still do love her and have never spoke bad of her. We would always call each other multiple time a day so that has stopped. I've spoken before of hoping that with her saying she is now a lesbian that it could just be another one of her lies. Also when we did speak she would often talk about when she would leave for the weekend and when she would come home an with me now knowing of the affair it's just to hard to hear so I just kind of block it all out. So the 180 is in part for me also. But hoping she will miss me and ? Her own actions.

[RealityTrip]

hi Dyno,

This is not easy on you. I'm sorry. It's a bit of a double whammy. Many of us deal with affairs but not the added confusion of questioning sexuality so my heart goes out to you. But I know you can do this. Regardless of what your W learns about herself, as hard as it is, you have to keep in mind that the discovery is hers to make.

Stay focused on Dyno. I know you have the cabin to get some "you" time at, but what about other GAL activities? What are some hobbies, old and new, that you would like to pour some energy into? You are the most important person to you right now. Be your best friend!

[Dyno]

I got home from cabin and notice as plain as day in bedroom on her night stand a face mask the ones people wear at a masquerade ball or mardi gras. I believe it is a gift from her partner because it is something she has done. I know I'm only guessing but I just don't understand why do that unless it is to get a rise or reaction. I won't react to it with her I just hope she can reach inside herself to not rub the affair in with little jabs like that. My hobbies are my kids with camping canoeing their sports and school. I ride a pretty nice bike weather permitting and I'm sure once I'm in the saddle again I will feel a little better but unfortunately I feel my wife will no longer be my passenger. Thanks Reality Trip for responding every little bit helps and I do appreciate everyone's input. Thank uou

[labug]

But hoping she will miss me and ? Her own actions.

I know this is hard to do, especially so early and we all do it but drop that expectation. When you find yourself thinking it when doing something, challenger yourself about your motives.

Doing something and expecting something in return in any situation creates fertile ground for anger and resentment.

Do what you need to do for you.