At the time when started one of my previous thread with similar title, I thought I was truly starting to move on and coming back to life, my life. Then I got stuck again and started to feel depressed, angry and sorry for myself.
So, by choosing this title again I hope that this time it will be different. I got a permanent job and what it looks like a new beginning for me. I’ve been pretty much a home body for the last few months and it probably worsened the depression. Now I will be going to the office, interact with people, and I’m sure I will be busy. I hope there will be less time to analyze H’s behavior and trying to determine what part of the journey he is in.
I went to another job interview today, at a different company. I think they liked me, so there might another offer. And it is going to bring some anxiety. I already accepted the first offer. If this one is better, what do I do? I was never good at deciding when there were too many choices or any choices at all. I guess I am a product of growing up in a different society.
I will just have to wait and see what universe has out there for me.
Linda, if you are reading, I would still love to hear more from you.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, don't beat yourself up over the depression. You still managed to get the job, in spite of it!! That's amazing.
I really believe the depression serves a purpose. It's our mind's way of processing the sadness, disappointment and hurt. Embrace the fact you are coming out the other side. ;-)
Much love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Bright, It takes time to stay on the path. You, like all of us, will have good and bad days. Feel the emotions and then let them go.
Now that you are getting ready to join the work force once again, you won't have the luxury of "free time" to analyze your h during the day. Your mind and body will be busy doing other things, like interacting w/people and staying busy. When you return home at the end of the day, you'll be tired and have your normal things to do that you use to do during the day. Your life is getting ready to change and I think it's going to be a good change for you. You had entirely too much time on your hands to think about your h and what he's been doing. Now, it's going to be Bright's time.
If you don't receive a job offer by Wednesday, I would plan to move forward w/reporting to work on Monday.
Bright, you are going to be okay. The world is waiting to show you what life has to offer.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey bright, I found that getting some sun helps my anxiety and worry. I find time to get out of my office at work and walk around just to change scenery. Might help?
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
You will have a distraction now and put H aside a little. I know how hard that is. xSO comes to mind when I least expect it. Habits are hard to break.
From reading your thread, I see that you are still encouraging your friends to gossip about H. Are you sure that is wise?
And Bright, we have been at this a long time together. I think that if you want to give him a little jab, just once, I think you should. If I ever hear from xSO again, I intend to. Not for him, but for me. Even though on some level he must know that this situation is not good for the two of you, he keeps you in limbo. Just as you are hearing things from friends, so is he. Maybe a little shock therapy when the time is right might be a good thing.
Now go buy a fab outfit for your first day on the job. I always feel better in a new outfit.
Congratulations Bright! I am so so happy for you! Have you bought some new fabulous outfits yet??
As Portia said, we have been at this a long time.. Maybe some sort of jab wouldn't hurt... ? I'm starting to think something different is needed... Just not sure what.
Keep us posted about your fab clothes! I am really excited for you :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Heather, I start feeling a lot better now, when I have a job. It feels good to go to the store and not think about how much money I have to spend.
Job, I did have too much time on my hands. It looks like I will be starting at that company next week. Just got my background check report and it is all clean. As it was expected.
Whytry, thanks for the advice. I live at the place where we have plenty of sun. I go for walks my dog every day. It does help with depression and anxiety.
Portia, good to see your post! I was thinking about you. As for friends, yes, I cannot help it but to ask and hear about H. This is where my dilemma is. They are the only good friends of H over there. He goes to their house for dinners and to hang around, they do some activities together (with male friend mostly), they are quite often in the same company of people. When I meet my friends there are always conversations about things and it is just impossible to live H out of it. If they don’t mention him, it makes me think that they are hiding something from me, because I know that he is present in a lot of the events they talk about. This is why I periodically think about ending this friendship. And then I back off because they are very good friends to me.
I don’t think shock therapy will benefit H. He will just retread dipper into the tunnel. I will let him deal with the consequences of his own making.
Speaking of this, I received a reply from him yesterday. He congratulated me on the job offer. He also told me that he got bad news about his job in that state where he is supposed to go. The job will not start probably until late June. Then he says “Oh well, hunker down right.” This is not good. He will have to scramble for money to pay for the condo mortgage and the rest of the expenses.
I had a cascade of mixed emotions about this. First, I was upset about this. Then I thought that karma is catching up with him. Then I felt sorry for him and wanted to help. Then I remembered that I would not be contributing to our company while I have a full time job, so he will not be able to rely on my money for his expenses, even temporarily. I can only imagine what he feels right now. But, he brought it up on himself; he wanted to be free of me and our M where we always supported each other in difficult times.
On another note, my GF is flying in this weekend, and we are going shopping for my new clothes! She wants to do it for me. Portia, I’m going to buy a fab outfit for me!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Busting, didn’t see your post until I posted my. Thanks. I am going shopping with my GF. It will be fun!
You’ve been at this longer than I am. I can see how you are losing your patience. Maybe one day you will think of something different to shake your H up. I’m sure the answers will come at the right time.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
So, I’ve got myself into a situation… I accepted the job offer from one company and then still went to the interviews just to see what’s out there. Well, this second company liked me too and now they are in the process to come up with their offer. I didn’t tell them that I already accepted another offer, and here is where it backfires on me now. They are calling and trying to talk me into waiting for their offer. They sent me the benefits package to look over.
I am supposed to start with the first company on Monday. It looks like the other offer is going to be comparable, some things better, some things worse than the first one. There are advantages and disadvantages in both of them.
I had my mind set on the first company. But now, I’m having my doubts. I hate when this happens to me. I think this is something imbedded in me deeply, I cannot make up my mind sometimes. I wish these offers would come at the same time, so I would have time to decide and compare. Now, that I’ve accepted the first offer, I would feel bad if I would need to rescind it.
What do I do? This second company is calling me and trying to persuade me wait for their offer. They said they don’t want to lose me. I’m very stressed and undecided right now.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
