Spoue tried I didn't, now opposite #2

[JFun51]

Watch out, wt. You are getting a Mach1 flyby. Listen very carefully. Dig in. Do not dismiss anything anyone here is saying to you.

FWIW, these men above have walked the walk. MrCas on both sides of this scary ride that is MLC. I am but an apprentice compared to them. Mach will ask you questions that will make your head spin. But you have to answer them. Not always with words on here, but honestly, to yourself.

Finding the causes of your demons is the easy part in my opinion. Working through them, putting them away, and forgiving yourself for being that guy is rough stuff.

I'll refrain from the red pill/blue pill reference here.

[Mach1]

wt...

I just spent some time reading through your wife's threads....

Would you say that what she posted, was fairly accurate ???

I'm not here to hold you to the cross or anything...

Just curious

Cause if it is....???

It certainly makes my questions above a little more intensified huh ??

[whytry]

Hey Cadet, if I'm interpreting your post correctly, you're showing me the who I was and the who I want to become so I'll dig down to find more answers to the who I want to be and how to be that man. Yes I am still searching inside and working on me.

[MrCAS]

Yes I am still searching inside and working on me.

So, how are you accomplishing this? What have you discovered? what are your insights?

We want to see answers... not lip service.

[whytry]

Hey Mach1, I've found it helps me to think on questions so I can search myself for the real answers. I think that is what you are wanting me to learn and do. I'm learning more and more about myself so thank you for helping to keep me looking with new questions that are very meaningful. Let me chew on this cuz it's kinda deep.

[whytry]

Thanks JFun51. Others have spoke highly of these same folks and that definitely weighs heavily with me so I can understand more about me and what I need.

[whytry]

Mach1, I do not remember ever post W made, but I do know she is honest and the descriptions of me, my actions, and what she went through are accurate.

You're questions definitely resonate with me and are very intense. It's why I want to think on them for me.

You've hit the nail on the head. I've been told not to have expectations of my sitch because everyone deserves help. Yes I want help and I can understand any apprehension here, with W, with my in-laws, and with my own family. Reason for my seriousness as I learn more about me. Why I journal so much and read a lot of posts cuz others have similar issues, but I haven't quite seen one the same. The bright spots in her posts were reflected in real life by her as well (W noticing changes/improvement back in January, etc). She does quote back to me things I say here so I'm sure you'll know if I am out of line.

I guess what I'm saying is I started asking myself questions end of last year but didn't understand. I started digging, but without the guidance or books in January I was still grasping at straws. It's why I sought out pastor to help council me and started posting. Was afraid before but learned without true openness I won't find the answers or become the man I want to be. I'm sure you may have also read that she was questioning us even before her "done" day in February.

Please advise if I'm missing your meaning.

[whytry]

MrCas, you're asking actions so if I'm with you....it's talking with pastor, rereading books, going back through journal when I need to know where I've been, seen, or changes.

Discovery of me is still new. I'm still learning how I "work" and why...hope that makes sense. I'm finding I'm still very green at digging into the painful/shameful side. I can recognize the cause of the demons as JFun51 mentioned and he's right it's harder to forgive myself and not dwell on them. The positive is a 180 from that lazy, selfish, depressed, angry guy gives me a way to work through the hard parts that I didn't previously know or think about.

My insights are horrible (I don't like them or I don't think they are complete). I don't believe I've learned enough about myself yet. I do struggle if they are real or if I'm giving enough thought or need more thinking on them. Y'all are helping me in ways I'm not sure you see here so please keep questioning/calling me out.

[Mach1]

First off...

I am not here to judge anyone by their past actions...

In the spirit of Solution Based Therapy, which is what MWD supports, I am of the theory that what counts is from this day forward.

Although understanding the past, and why your behaviors were like they are, is imperative in moving forward....

I do see that you want to change, and you want to be different now, although your confusion tends to run more along the lines of "How do I fix this Marriage now? " rather than , " I want to fix ME, so that I can live a fulfilled life in my future".

I think that you start with finding out WHY your behaviors were so intense toward your life...

What she described, was a man that was unfulfilled with HIS life, and took it out on everyone around himself.

I'm pretty sure that I know the overall answer, yet it isn't my place to assume anything about you. I only know what I have read, from the other side, and the little that you have posted here....

I would assume that you could benefit greatly from reading CAS's threads, and see if there are any similarities between you....

I do have one other question for you....

There seems to be a specific date that your Wife stopped DBing..

What do you feel happened to affect that date so much ??

Typically, these things turn fairly slowly, and to be that abrupt, I just get the sense that there was something else...

[whytry]

Doctor apt went well as far as I know. He's concerned with my blood pressure (high) and is consistent to last time I was sick. The blood work wont be back for a couple of days. He had me schedule another apt to recheck pressure and such.

MrCas, I forgot to ask if he knew of a psychologist that may be able to help because of money issue. Called back after I left so they'd have a note of it at next visit.

Did get to take S13 to get his first contact after my apt. He's excited of getting rid of glasses.