Mach1, the last question I do not have a complete answer to. We did fight about V-day gifts cuz of the way I acted and how mean I was (I think I had a post). Someone else asked if there was more as well. We didn't physically fight (she didn't slap me and me either). Kids heard fight but they didn't yell at us.
She did have a pre V-day post where she states wanting to be with someone (H or otherwise) so I'm not sure it's was just that day but that's the day she claimed her "done" stance.
You are correct that this all began wanting to fix nothing but M. I think the fix me understanding has sunk in I'm just learning how and now learning it'll take time.
Do you have a CAS thread topic to search for?
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
Mach1, the last question I do not have a complete answer to. We did fight about V-day gifts cuz of the way I acted and how mean I was (I think I had a post). Someone else asked if there was more as well. We didn't physically fight (she didn't slap me and me either). Kids heard fight but they didn't yell at us.
She did have a pre V-day post where she states wanting to be with someone (H or otherwise) so I'm not sure it's was just that day but that's the day she claimed her "done" stance.
You are correct that this all began wanting to fix nothing but M. I think the fix me understanding has sunk in I'm just learning how and now learning it'll take time.
One thing to keep in mind here, is that most MLCers coming out of the tunnel, have things come into light very slowly for them, and their memory of past events gets a little fuzzy around the details.
Is that what happened ??
Or just what you remember happening ??
Sometimes, when a person is running on full emotion, the lines get blurry...
Like I said, I am not judging you, nor do I know the entire story here.
Are you trying to save the Marriage because you love her ??
Or is this guilt from your past behaviors ???
THAT is why I want you to answer the questions...
No hurry though.....I want you to think hard on them first
I want you to tell us what you see in you. Your thoughts and insights into your character. This is the place where you have to honest. Using buzzwords on us isn't going to fly.
The really hard and crappy stuff is about to start.
Like I told you before... Don't try to S%#t a s%#tter. It ain't gonna cut it.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
I want you to tell us what you see in you. Your thoughts and insights into your character. This is the place where you have to honest. Using buzzwords on us isn't going to fly.
The really hard and crappy stuff is about to start.
Like I told you before... Don't try to S%#t a s%#tter. It ain't gonna cut it.
Honesty. You are safe here. That is the truth. For anyone here to help you, you have to be honest with yourself and us. You can't hold back. As Mach said, no one is here to judge anyone. I can't help but feel while reading your posts that we are skimming the surface of everything. Almost like you like the idea of changing but are only willing to dip your toe in the water. To become the man you are supposed to be, you've got to open up some pretty ugly and deep places in your psyche and your soul. Open doors that you think you've closed. Face demons that have made you who you are.
Dig deep:
I am angry because_____________
I lose my temper because____________________
I was unhappy with my life because______________________
My mother and father treated me this way______________________
You have to answer these questions and all the other ones that any of these vets throw at you honestly. Cause anything else, and you are wasting your time and theirs.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
I saw you wondering back quite a few posts ago if you pushed you W into MLC...I reviewed her threads and posts, and...nope. I've been dealing with a MLC W for 5 years or so (I figured out what was happening Nov 2011)...I can pretty much guarantee you she is not MLC, so don't chase down that tunnel, cuz there aint' no cheese at the end there ... m'kay?
She is a straight up WAW, she tried for years and years, then whatever it is that you said to her during your Valentine's Day fight that the kids heard, snapped something inside her... re-read the DR chapter on the WAW... and what did you say to her?
Thing is, YOUR path is the same whether MLC or WAS...
Listen to her, truly listen. Give her space. RESPECT HER!!! BACK OFF!!
So after looking at her posts again, and taking into consideration the 3 sides of any story, hers, yours, and the truth...I'm going ask you some different questions I'd like you to think about and answer, here...
1. What kind of person would you say your Mom is? 2. How did/does your Dad treat your Mom? 3. How does your Dad treat your step-Mom? 4. How does your step-Dad treat your Mom? 5. I saw your posted that you believe your W to be really intelligent, yet, she reported different behavior and words...I would like to hear your side.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
She is a straight up WAW, she tried for years and years, then whatever it is that you said to her during your Valentine's Day fight that the kids heard, snapped something inside her... re-read the DR chapter on the WAW... and what did you say to her?
Thing is, YOUR path is the same whether MLC or WAS...
The thing is this is probably the most likely scenario for most LBS's
One MLC kicks off a crisis or WA sich in the other person.
And either way you need to FIX the things that YOU can CONTROL.
Thank you everyone for input. I'm sorry I'm behind. Let me get into the reading mentioned. I do know my journaling has covered some questions y'all are asking that I've also asked myself.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
Hey y'all, sorry about the disappearing act. I've been GALing like crazy and it's refreshing how much better I've been feeling lately. Our little town had a huge turnout for it's annual event so my S15, S13, and I helped/worked the event with my church putting up signs, parking, and taking signs down, kids precamp meetings, etc. Lots of hours, but one heck of a stress free time. We did squeeze baseball practices and games in for all 4 of them as well. I'm finally starting to see how much fun I have interacting with people/strangers (different from I hate the world attitude). Not sure I can explain how different this is for me, I guess. Really not much to report as to R or W but nothing negative enough to affect me. Loving all this time with kiddos and new (positive) friends I've made lately.
Sorry MrCas, I'm not done with all the thread reading....hope to make more headway tonight after work and kids baseball picture schedules.
Mach1/JFun/T2/Cadet, I'll follow-up as well. I appreciate y'alls time posting and thoughts. Lots going through my head lately and danged if I didn't fall asleep trying to journal and so wish I would've finished. Will be continued...
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
