I thought I could trust him absolutely. Trust is also a choice that comes very very hard for me. I've been hurt and let down, either by myself or others, and it is something I am trying to work on.
Yes, his relationships with those people make it much easier to detach. I see him with them and it feels almost to the point of disgust for me.
I don't know what his intentions were. I am not talking to him as he has said everything we talk about needs to be about work only, until the D is final. He was one of the people I felt safe going to for R questions. He is older than H, and seemed like he could be a genuine friend without going further. H has told me, for whatever reason, I shouldn't tell him I have seen his email.
I want to go away on a cruise for a week and not worry about anything. Dogs, taking care of baby, house, friends etc. Just for a week!!!!
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
Relationship advice from a mans perspective. No dad to go to, and he was older and had given me great advice before on non related issues. We formed a friendship (I thought) through working together. He was a former pastor, so I thought he'd be the one person who wouldn't blindly take a side and could give me sound advice on my sitch.
His family isn't talking to me, mine want to strangle my H, and the friends that know don't understand why I would ever bother trying to stay.
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
He slept in the same bed with me last night. Held my hand, watched TV.
Pest control was trolling the neighborhood yesterday. He spoke with the guy outside for a while. He came in, told me he though we needed to get pest control. I told him it would be nice, but wasn't in my budget. He said he'd pay for the first treatment, and I could continue if I wanted. Again, I told him it wasn't in my budget. He said "ok, I'll just pay for them to come every month."
Trying not to expect that next bomb. June 9th is the day he is supposed to move out. My anger management counselor told me that he needs to move out that day, and I need to set a boundary and force him to **** or get off the pot. That it's not fair for him to cake eat as it is affecting me in a negative manner, and I'm having to work harder at controlling my anger and work harder at working on "me" when he's there.
Still no court dates. Still no paperwork.
I still need that cruise.
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
Patio guys busted a sprinkler line yesterday. Whoops.
H told me I looked really nice this AM, and asked me if I had a date today since I wore makeup. "Nope, I just want to look nice." Him - "for who?" I replied for myself.
H didn't sleep in the same bed last night. No matter. I didn't really feel like company anyhow. I had a few glasses of wine with my hairdresser after getting a haircut. I feel like a rockstar right now!
Have a medical issue bothering me, of course my docs office cannot see me today, and told me to go to urgent care if it gets worse...I'd rather just wait until next week to be honest versus having a strange urgent care doc seeing me. If it DOES get bad, I will go in. Until then - nah. H was worried about it, or at least acted like he was.
After the date comment, H asked me if I wanted him to pick up steaks for dinner tonight...uh, sure! that would be great. But not before he asked if I was going out tonight. I replied that no, I needed to get the yard taken care of and do a few other things around the house. My 11 month old can create a disaster wherever she goes!
Tomorrow night I'm going out in another town that is nearby. I don't plan on coming back home, as we will be out late and drinking. I have not told H yet. It's "his" weekend with the baby, so I'm not sure that I have any obligation to do so.
Oh, I told H I was buying kidlet a playset for her birthday. He wanted me to tell him what to buy her...I said I don't know. My family has pretty much bought her everything she needs or would want right now. She doesn't need clothes. He whined what he wasn't good at gift giving things...I told him my dad wasn't either and managed to think of getting her a bike trailer so I could haul her around.
Short, to the point today. Busy at work, annoyed with medical issue, etc. etc.
Last edited by LongRoad06; 05/30/1403:36 PM.
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
"asked me if I had a date today since I wore makeup. "Nope, I just want to look nice." Him - "for who?" I replied for myself. "
You shouldn't have told him that. You should have just smiled and walked away. That would have gone perfect with you going away.
Mr. Bond - I will do that next time. I actually enabled him to continue with his insecurity issues by telling him that (and, he has MAJOR insecurity issues - none of which came from any actions I have taken.)
Thanks for the advice
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
H had asked the neighbor to watch the kiddo on Saturday from 12-7 so he could go play in a gold tourney. It was his weekend with her. The neighbors got tickets given to them for Jimmy Buffett, and really wanted to go. They asked if I would see if he could get there at 6 instead, on Saturday morning. I do realize it's last minute, but they are doing him a favor.
H flipped out, started taking it out on me. I told him that this was not my fault, and I would not let him take it out on me. He kept at it. I should have walked off, but didn't. I told him he said he was moving out next weekend. He wasn't going to see her as much after that. I thought, that as a good dad, he would want to spend as much time as possible with her, especially since he went out last weekend with the guys.
He stormed out Saturday, then called me and started going off. I asked him why he was so mad at me, when he could go play golf any other weekend. I asked if he wanted me to cancel my plans to take care of the kiddo all weekend so he could go out. "No, I just know you are trying to trick me in to something." I said I wasn't, just that if it was so important that he go see friends, I would be happy to take her and spend more time with her. That set him off more.
I told him I understood he was frustrated, and wished there was something I could do. H then went off and said "you have no idea, you probably love this."
The biggest thing to get out of this conversation was when he brought up the past, then told me he liked being married and I [screwed] him by "forcing" him to file by being a b****. Wow. Ok, that's the first time he has ever said he enjoyed being married. Every other time, it's joking about how wives nag, whining about "never" being able to do ANYTHING, etc. etc. You know, being a grown up and forgoing trips with the guys as much as they go because you have a young daughter and a wife that works two jobs. At this point, I felt I needed to end the conversation quick.
I told him I hoped he had a great golf game. He said "FINE. BYE." and hung up. OH WELL. I got ready, and started the drive to my friends house. Pit stopped for a couple monsters and a gatorade. I was SO excited to go out with the girls. I have not been out since I found out I was pregnant with the kiddo. Long story short, I missed her terribly, but had a wonderful time.
H was texting me all night. Pics of the baby, asking me how it was going etc. The next AM, texted me more pictures of her, asked how I was. I sent him a bunch of pictures of the night, said I was great and was getting breakfast and then leaving.
Got back to the house, H was in a stellar mood. Went to the store for me for groceries for both us and the baby. Made dinner. Wanted to hang out and watch TV. Wanted to ML. Wanted to be what I think is the perfect husband. It was strange to be honest, especially after the outburst the day before.
We took the baby to a park as soon as she was up from a nap. H wanted people to take pictures of all three of us together. However, as we were passing the apartment complex where he is SUPPOSEDLY moving he said "that's my new place." I asked if he was still planning on moving June 9th, and he just said "I don't know." I simply said "ok" and we had a fun time at the park.
H is taking off work as am I on Friday so we can go do an outdoorsy activity we both really enjoy together.
This morning, H said he wished I could stay in bed and cuddle when I got up for work.
H is back to sleeping in the same bed.
H is back to grabbing and holding my hand.
I'm in a better place mentally with anger management and just in general. I'm happy to be able to get out and do things with friends again. It's been way too long. I'm happy when I wake up in the morning. I don't dread going home nearly as much. After H's outburst on the phone, I dreaded it a little on Sunday, but after getting there, I was on cloud 9.
Today starts another week
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
Yesterday, came home to H in a little mood. Asked how his day went and he just said "ok." Cool! Anything I can do before you head to poker? I had a great day. A friend is coming over to hang out but will be gone when you get home. Dinner is pizza since its your poker night. Gave him a big smooch which seemed to do a 180 on him. Told him to go have fun and I would see him later.
Friend came over, we played with the kidlet, I put her to bed, and then worked on home improvement stuff. Friend left and I had just gotten out of shower when H came home.
Our alma mater was losing in the NCAA baseball tourney. When they lost, I just said that I was sorry, and it was disappointing to see a team get that far and come back then lose the next game.gave him a hug and snuggled. A little later, that led to other things. Afterwards, H took a shower then came back and held me as we fell asleep together.
I got up with the kiddo since he has her all night tonight. I am working job number 2 and won't be back until 2AM or so.
This morning, my alarm went off and I got up to get ready for work. H pulled me back and told me just to lay there with him, but I laughed and said the kiddo was up and was voic8ng her displeasure about still being in her crib.
Got her ready to go next door, got myself ready and then dropped her off. Went back to give H a kiss goodbye and told him to have a good day. He replied with "ok, I love you."
Still confused, still dbing my butt off but really happy with where things are going for me. I have a plan for the future and I like it. Divorce case still open, but H isn't acting on it. No clue if he's moving out next weekend or not, but I will deal with that when and if it happens.
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
Text from H on way to job numero dos: "Be safe. I know I haven't said this in a while, but I love you."
In doing a lot of my own thinking and 180's, I've come to wonder if filing divorce is always going to be his way of trying to regain some control. I realize that is his problem to fix, but it's my problem to live with until he does.
Still DBing, still doing my own thing. His 180 into being the loving, caring husband I have always wanted is coming with some uncertainty on my end. Not sure if we will ever share finances again. I'm fairly happy with how I'm managing on my end. Wish H would let me at least setup his bills on autopay, but that is something which is now out of my control, so I'm dropping the rope with regards to that. He can screw up his own credit again, or he can be a responsible adult and figure it out himself. I've given him all the information he needs to do it.
That said, I will stop mind reading and just go with the flow. I'm too tired to do much about it anyhow Anger Management tonight, followed by an EARLY bedtime. I got home at 130AM, and slept until 530. Worked a full day from 7AM-4PM before that (and a 45 minute commute one way.)
That is my life every Tuesday and Thursday for a while, but I am ok with it. It gets me out and doing something I love doing, it's extra money for house projects, and it furthers my career with regards to the second job by getting me in front of higher ups, who can control my future.
Tomorrow is my Friday, and I need it!
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
