Left Behind Newlywed

[mdu]

Can you leave the house while she packs? Personally, I wouldn't have confidence I could keep it together so I would have to go somewhere for a while

[Thornton]

Pluto, remember... she is a neighbor, not your W. Act like a friendly neighbor helping her pack.

No arguments, no begging, no questions, no pressure. Just a nice neighbor helping another neighbor pack.

Hold it together, I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. It's brutal but you can do it.

Make this last impression on her, she WILL think about it after she's left.

[KGirl]

If she asks for help, provide it, but don't hover/offer when she doesn't ask. If you do get sad about something take a time-out. I am working on packing today as well, actually, and I started to get upset when we went through the wedding mementos, so I said I was going to take a break and just went into the other room for a while until I could come back calmly. Like Thornton said, you want your last impression to be a good one (confident, supportive etc.)

[Pluto]

Thanks guys. This is good stuff.

Though, I just saw her taking photos of her bags packed by the front door to be loaded into her vehicle... so I guess she's pretty happy about everything and wants to share it with the world (or at least OM).

[Thornton]

Hang in there Pluto. You're doing great!

And don't try and look into why she is taking pictures of her bags. She's a WAW in an A, don't believe anything she says and less than 50% of what you see.

[Pluto]

Well, I helped when she asked for it, and generally tried to stay out of her way... I didn't argue about her taking things she wanted to take, just told her that it was fine and thanked her for letting me know.

I couldn't STFU about the picture though, and made a comment along the lines of "I'm glad you're so proud to be moving out of our house that you're taking pictures to share with all your friends" then followed it up with "I think that's horrible and very disrespectful, as I'm really upset by all of this"

She told me she wasn't happy at all and it was pathetic that all of her possessions fit into 8 bags.

I then asked her to return a card of mine (just a discount card for some stores) and she told me I'd have to get it deactivated. We argued about this (stupid) and then I went back inside and took the house keys from her key ring.

She noticed (obviously) and pointed it out. I simply told her that since she doesn't live here anymore, she won't need them. She protested that she did... followed by she hated me so much, that I was stealing her home from her, and that she hoped I crash and burn in my car.

From there, she went into a total meltdown, bawling her eyes out and hyperventilating for a good 20 minutes. Painful to watch, there was nothing I could do at that point... I did bring her some water and gave her some space to calm down.

She pulled herself together after 30-40 minutes, gathered the rest of her things that she was taking, and left.

What a horrible day.. and I'm mad at myself for how things went... so no, I don't feel as though I did so great after all.

Thanks for the kind words, though.

[labug]

You need a 6-pack of STFU.

You'll have other chances to be quiet.

[Pluto]

You're absolutely right.

She's on her way over now.. hoping I can STFU this time.

[Pluto]

Better day STFU'ing...

Used a lot of 'okay' and 'That's your perspective' instead of arguing or trying to defend myself when she started lashing out. When she started insulting me, I calmly let her know that I didn't appreciate the insults and there wasn't any need for them.. and if she couldn't speak with me in a civil manner, she could leave and we could do this another time when she could remain calm. When she would start to escalate things, I simply left the room. All in all, much better than yesterday.

She was hostile and angry when she first arrived tonight. By the time she left we were civil and polite to each other. I think I understand now why the initial anger, and probably even why she lashed out yesterday.

I called her to let her know I was at home and she was welcome to come over to get her things. When she arrived, she had to park along the curb (as I had parked in the middle of the driveway, not leaving enough room for her to pull in... not on purpose, but when I'm home alone I don't back *RIGHT* up to the garage so a second vehicle can park behind me). Lastly, She had to ring the doorbell to what was her home 24 hours ago to be let in. I'm sure the sting of this new reality hit her, and she reacted on it.

I would like to think the tears/yelling/etc is her projecting her own self-anger in how she's put herself in this position.

[labug]

Can you give me the winning lottery numbers this week?