Honestly I have no idea if she is enjoying this Mach. How suddenly this all came about makes me wonder who she really is.
My WAW is a silly, fun-loving, person. She's always been that way. To see the switch like this really makes me question if she is just out living it up.
My mom has a great relationship with her and said WAW is out with her sisters posting pics on Facebook, enjoying brunches and dinners, smiling etc. She doesnt sound like someone who is really struggling with a breakup. Meanwhile, I'm in counseling, struggling to sleep, missing her like crazy etc. Btw, I've since told my mom not to share that info with me regarding FB.
It's so perplexing to me. We've been NC for over 3weeks now and she and her daughter still have tons of stuff at my house. Important stuff like family photos, clothes, toys etc. So I struggle with what is real. Is our seperation permanent? Is she leaving the door open by leaving stuff at my house? Is she working on herself like she suggested before she left in hopes of repairing our relationship?
I don't know how to not think about these things. I know, detach. But that's hard to do when you feel like you are in limbo all the time.
I dont want to force her into a corner. I'm giving her all the time and space she needs. But I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm being naive at this point.
So far, most of my time has been taken up by my daughter. We go shopping, out to eat, the movies etc.
I also go to the gym 4x a week, and have been reading lots.
Most of my old guy friends simply go to bars and drink. I dont feel like doing that anymore, especially since my life has been affected so much by WAW's alcoholism and recovery.
I need to step out of my comfort zone and try and make new friends.
The Roller Derby had families with children at the event...a fun event for kids too!
For me, when I was at your D's age, I'd spend my weekends with schoolmates at the local rollerskating rink and lose myself there for hours at end. A fun memory for me! Well...except that one incident with an older student swiped my skates from behind that caused me to fall down and hit my face. And would you know that the very next day was school-picture day?! I had to skip it as I had a very bad bruise on my face so had to reschedule it for another time.
How about taking up a new pursuit/hobby? Running? Hiking? Watercoloring? Dungeons & Dragons?
I was going to write you almost the exact same thing. Can I ask you why you feel in limbo right now? Definition of limbo is "an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution". From an outsiders perspective it seems like you know where you're at right now and you aren't really in limbo. Seems to me it's more about you being afraid to move. Are you waiting to start doing things with hope she'll come back? Then what? More limbo. You gotta take the first step for where you are right now and let the future figure itself out...it always does. Once you take that step the intensity will start to become tolerable then disappear almost all together.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
I feel like I'm in limbo because I don't beleive this is what WAW really wants. I think she is really confused right now, struggling with her mental health due to not working her AA program etc. She is not making any moves to finalize things, all of her stuff is still at my house. As well as her daughter's. She asked me before she left if she was to seek therapy, if I thought it would "be too late for us?".
I realize that in my mind, I need to be ok with this being permanent. This is something I'm striving for and will be discussing with IC.
I'm with you Thornton on the feeling of "limbo" but I hate to say it...whenever I entertain the thought of her "not really wanting this" I soon realize that it's simply I'm in denial. If she didn't really want this, it wouldn't have gotten this far. That's where I'm at. I'd love to think she's just in a WAW "fog" and her head will clear and she'll come running back. However I do not foresee this happening in reality sadly. I think it's a case of mine (and yours) emotions and longing for them giving us wishful thinking. Tough words I know, and I may be wrong, but I don't think so...and it stinks.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Overall had a decent day at work, stayed busy and managed to crack a joke or two with coworkers. I consider that a babystep.
After work I went to the gym and worked out. I've noticed that my anxiety spikes when I leave the gym. I'm not sure why that happens, I would think it would be just the opposite and I would feel calm from the endorphins.
Tonight I'm feeling some anxiety. I'm sitting with it and trying to let it pass. I'm doing everything I can to stay within my own mind and fighting letting my mind drift to WAW. Practice makes perfect, I suppose.
After dinner, I plan on taking a super hot shower and then doing some reading. I'm looking forward to my IC appointment on Wednesday and hope to process some of my feelings.
