Newbie confused and alone!

[BonitaL]

I know we all go through this, but right now, I truly feel if he can't handle me at my worst maybe he doesn't deserve me at my best! I can't know for sure that I will never sink into a depression again.
He knew this when he married me. I stood by him during some really dark times he went through. Years ago, he was addicted to pain pills after a surgery. He lost weight, used a bunch of our savings. He went to rehab for a month.
I took care of him and everything else while he was gone.
He swore at the that point he would never put us through anything like that again.
I was depressed, I didn't lie, take money, I still woke up every day and went to work. Still made sure the kids were taken care of. I could barley keep my head above water after my mom died.
He waited until I was completely alone. No mother, no grandparents, no sibling I can talk to. To leave.