seven years later....

[forward]

This is not a saved-my-marriage story, but it is a story on MLC. I still come here to read sometimes. I guess I will save a few threads, too.

My ex walked out with a troubled "girl child" of 25ish when he was 42. Our daughter was only 14 months old. I think now that it was time for him to grow up and come face to face with his accomplishments and so on and he could not do it.

I hung in there but we divorced 3 years later. He initiated. I hung in there all that time. I do not regret this because I did follow the GAL advice. The years gave me time with my daughter and time to heal. I made new friends and spent time with our daughter. I hung out with more women and began to realize how much responsibility I'd had on my shoulders, with very little reciprocity and an EXPECTATION that I was going to do this and that. This made me think carefully about a next relationship.

Well, as the story goes, the girl-child left as soon as she had used my X for a career-based thing. Around this time X had an accident and was very badly hurt. She was, of course, nowhere to be found, off playing with boys her own age and working on her career. This after saying she would marry X.

He got involved with another woman (this one older and more appropriate and probably pretty nice, actually). I was angry because X chose to spend time with her instead of DD. This woman developed cancer and died rather abruptly. X dumped her while she was dying. That really said something to me about his character. He did stay with her as a friend to help but I sitll think causing someone that kind of pain in their last months is wrong.

As far as I know, X is still trying to cope with medical issues. He is in pain and seems lonely but at the same time, I see now a certain narcissism that I hadn't thought about before. His situation is bad. I feel sorry for him but that is not the same as loving someone.

I am doing fairly well. I've been somewhat ill but am working on new treatments. And I remarried! DD and I are now part of a new family. New Guy is attentive and, most importantly, kind, and I have been happy with him and often think how lucky I was to find him. Although I am a good catch, too!

DD is 8. I cooperate well w/X and I think this has helped her.

I can say that I have learned not to gloat at X's misfortune, for the sake of our daughter and also for me. I suppose I could cry karma but I can honestly say that I am so over him that I don't even really think about his life situation much. I don't know if he regrets our divorce. don't know if I care. At this point, I do not regret the divorce because I became aware of a lot of inequities and giving that I was doing that was not reciprocated in any way. I never got much of an apology or any acknowledgment of the pain he caused. That would still help me process the life event but I do not need it any more.

It's only now that he looks less crazed. That look has left his eyes. He acts more like old X. Obviously, I am past him. We are friendly, sort of. We talk a little. But I don't think much about him. I am busy with my new life. It is challenging to blend a family but I believe in it and in New Guy.

I think this story is fairly common. Seven years is a long time, and I realize that is especially true when you are older and have responsibilities. X's situation (broke and ill) is not attractive. Basically, the next person he is with will need to take care of him. I think he's been alone for a while, with his story. I wonder, sometimes, how I appear in it. But that is past.

So...all that drama and pain and life went on. Yet things changed. Many people in his life are ill. As I am older, I see that more, too.

What I can say is that I am glad that I was as kind as I could be. And I am glad that I tried. I have always told people that they will be glad that they tried their best to save the M. No matter what happens, they will be glad they tried.

[AJM]

Hi Forward. Nice to hear from you and glad things are mostly well. Hope the treatments go well!

What I can say is that I am glad that I was as kind as I could be. And I am glad that I tried. I have always told people that they will be glad that they tried their best to save the M. No matter what happens, they will be glad they tried.

Amen sister!!!

AJ

[bustingout]

Hi Forward. Nice to hear from you and glad things are mostly well. Hope the treatments go well!

What I can say is that I am glad that I was as kind as I could be. And I am glad that I tried. I have always told people that they will be glad that they tried their best to save the M. No matter what happens, they will be glad they tried.

Amen sister!!!

AJ

I second that Amen!

[forward]

Update: X is more ill than I thought. At this point I don't think he will see DD's graduation.

At this I did cry. He was horrible to me but he did not deserve this.

I've been kind. But, again, I'm busy with my own life. I only have so much I can give.

[TL72*]

"What I can say is that I am glad that I was as kind as I could be. And I am glad that I tried. I have always told people that they will be glad that they tried their best to save the M. No matter what happens, they will be glad they tried."

This is something I think to myself often, that I'm glad I handled my part of it as graciously as I could, with kindness and forgiveness. I don't want to wake up one day being bitter and full of hate. I know I did what I could and was kind throughout.
Sorry to hear that he's so ill and may miss the graduation, I can see why you would shed some tears, I would too. You seem to be very grounded now and have moved forward with your life, that is good for those of us that are fairly new at this LBS thing to see, that there is life after MLC. I'm finding that out over the last few months, good things can and will happen and eventually putting the past behind you. Thanks for posting!