Going to be a long story. My W walked away 3 moths ago. We tried MC for about 6 months to no avail. I had hid a pornography addiction, and lied about quitong my chewing tobacco habit numerous times. It got to the point to where I was just angry and we fought a lot. We have 2 kids, 2 and 5, and split custody with them.
I have DR and have read and skimmed it often. Trying my best to detach and GAL. However I made a lot of mistakes at first. I was emotional, and needy, and I know it drover her further away. Then a bombshell 2 weeks ago, I snooped found a coiple of emails that were with OM, and comfronted her. All hell broke loose from that. She wanted a divorce, thought I was stupid, could never trust me and so on. So for the last 2 weeks very limited contact, and just rying ti be nice when we meet, and not argue or start anything.
However, thmpast Sunday, she called totalk to the kids and proceeded to just lose it. Couldnt stop crying, said she didnt want to live couldnt take it anymore. I lost it with her, couldnt control my emotions. I told her I loved her, was sorry, didnt want to hurt her anymore and so on. She said she doesnt know how I could do what I did if I loved her.
As of Monday, we talked on the phine about just normal day to day stuff, and Tuesday met at kiddos dance class and set and talked about just everyday stuff. Then today I dropped off kids with her and she was super nice, even cracked a joke about the kids and fathers day.
I know don't believe eveuthing you see and hear, but how in the world do you handle that stich. I have decided to try and just let go, but that convo on Sunday really shook me. I feel like she is maybe feeling guilty a bit, or confused on what she wants. I think she is suffering from post partum depression from last baby too, if thats possible. Since having her she has been super down, and just in a rut. Mind you my attitude probably didnt help at all.
I just don't know how to proceed after her broken moment. Should I continue to detach, try to get closer, or what? just looking for some help
Another day down. Last night was pretty good didn't try to get in touch with, and played with my puppies. Still having a hard time sleeping though. It is getting better, but not very quickly. Actually doing a float down a river on a raft next weekend, with friends I let get out if my life, should be very fun and relaxing.
The only I need to do now is get my house on the market to sell. Have to clean and touch up some stuff. I never used to have such a motivation problem until the last year or so. Doesn't seem like I am in such a hurry to do anything right now. Have to work on getting on with life. Selling the house is a big step of giving in, and saying it could really be over. But it has to be done.
Hopefully I can continue to stay on some kind of course. Contact to a minimum, and keep my happy self up. That part is a big 180 for me, I was so stressed and uptight, everything just made me mad for the longest time. Now to get it to stick.
I have noticed in a few posts people implementing changes, but for the wrong reasons, just to win back W. I think I was trying to do that at first and still to a point, but it is starting to feel good to exercise, be happy, and enjoy my kids. So maybe turning the corner of understanding it's for me, and not the W.
