Thanks again 25, yes 8 definitely need the 2 x 4 sometimes, and yes I do obsess, part of being an anxiety sufferer, I am working on that, some days harder than others. The time that he didn't ring the boys in the morning wasn't his bday, I think I gave the wrong impression, he'd gone out for drinks for his birthday, celebrated early, I think I was more upset about the fact that he'd said he'd call them in the morning and hadn't, and in hindsight I shouldn't have said to the boys that he'd ring, because when he didn't, I had three upset little boys, I should have just left it and it would not have been an issue. I know I don't acknowledge his good stuff enough but I am learning. The pole dancing is just for me, something I've wanted to do for a while but have never found the time, and I know that was because I used every excuse under the sun(and could blame him) for not taking the chance.
I'm still unsure what to do when I do see him, I get so flustered then I make mistakes, but at least now I'm recognizing what I'm doing. I am constantly referring to the books and sand ' s rules, and I've also printed out some of your replies too 25, iis hard to acknowledge where you go wrong but at least I'm willing to learn.
I am having a me day today, nails, waxing, hair, because this afternoon I have someone taking photos of me for a friend who is possibly going to use me for the model for her skincare range as it gets re branded, I'm pretty excited about that, even if nothing comes of it, it was nice to be asked.
I am going to make some cards sometime in the next few days, I've had a couple of requests and it's great to feel some creative mojo coming back, the gals are small but I'm sure I can find more. don't give up on me 25! I'm going to be the woman only a fool would leave!!
help, I'm panicking, I'm at h house, he wants to talk, looks stressed but he doesn't want to do it while the kids are up, I'm really trying to keep calm, bbut my heart and mind are racing....
just left h house, he told me he has been seeing someone for the last four weeks, no big surprise there, I had suspected for a while, its the same w he had a last year, he says they only reconnected recently, I do believe that. I acted as camly as I could, I didn't want to make it dramatic, because I remembered what everyone has said on here, that the more you react, the more you'll make the wah think he's making the right choice by being with her. he said he wanted to see where it goes with her, and that he'd like the boys to meet her, that is the one thin g I put my foot down with, as we haven't even been separated fro six month, our boys are quite young, our 7 yr old is struggling enough with the situation, and the twins are just too young. he said that she wants him to meet her 11yr old daughter, I said that is her and his choice, but at this point, I want our boys to have some stability.
I am trying to remind myself that most a end in 3-6mth period, that I am a woman that only a fool would leave, my god it hurt.
he told me when was leaving that he still loved me and would always protect me, hugged me, wouldn't let me go.
I listened when he talked about her, I didn't ask too many questions, I validated his choice, I didn't cry(well at least not until I got home) I didn't yell, and I didn't accuse.
I feel like I should be giving up now, but I still believe that we can re start, I still wanted to be married to my h.
Watts, I'm so sorry you went through that. I love their logic "I still love you, I'll always protect you." Yet, they choose to hurt us. It's crazy talk!
It sounds like you handled the situation really well. I would have put my foot down about the kids too. They need to come first. You go girl!
Detach and keep working on finding your own happiness.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
Hi not much useful advice except that I have been there done that and it hurts.. The advice about detaching and making yourself happy is good advice.. I know it is as I don't follow it and then wallow in misery.then drag myself out.. I agree about meeting the kids, really this affair is not ok, it is not an example for the kids.. I am constantly amazed that these WAW spouse think everything is fine with them so the world also must be happy.. actually no.. the world us not happy with infidelity..
So for those of you out there who are going through this, or have come out the other side, is this now when I apply LRT? and how do I do this with 3 boys who we have 50/50 shared custody of? we have one car between us and I know I'm asking the same questions I asked at the very beginning, but this bd puts me in a whole new level. do I keep being his best friend (his words tonight) and keep up with what I was attempting to do before, I don't want to give up but I really don't know what to do now.
I am going to annoy everyone here, i'm just venting/journaling, my mind is racing and I don't have anyone I can talk to about this IRL, I am reeling from tonight, and I know I am about to cop a 2 x4 for saying this but this ow actively pursued a married man, my h, and I know he did nothing to discourage this, but what kind of woman does that? she's 42, divorced, has a daughter, he's 33, has a w, 3 boys, limited income, no car of his own, I know none of this relevant, again just venting.
he says he'd like to see where this leads, is this normal behaviour? then in the same breath starts talking abut this great holiday we went on together years ago and how much fun it was. wth??
he still wants to be best friends, he couldn't 'protect' me from him, that he is the one who hurt me, I wanted to kick him in the n*ts, instead I validated what he was saying, that I understood what he was saying.
he still wants to do things as a family together, how does that work?
as confused as I am right now, my heart is breaking for our boys, they are so innocent and I just want to scoop them up and run away, I won't, but I just want to be safe and loved and have their family in one piece.
how does he tell me that he loves me and will protect me, yet still wants to see where it goes with her, forgive me for repeating myself and obsessing. I am trying to process.
Been there!!! Boy have I been there, and at the time didn't have this board to help me through it.
I'll tell you what everyone else has told me. The only way out is through. You can't control him, but you can influence the outcome with validation, etc.
Lay down your own boundaries on the vacation, etc., according to what you can live with.
I will say this... I wish I had kicked him out much more promptly. It took far too long for me to find my steel. But you must do what seems right to you, and listen more closely to the vets than to me. And it is possible to validate within firm boundaries, so don't think they are mutually exclusive.
I feel for you during this crazy time!!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
