New, trying to save marriage

[Winhamn]

You gotta read the book. Make it a priority, make time to read it.

First, the book is totally pro-marriage. I don't know the answer to "why are you still married", only you do, but you are right that the spark could return.

Second, you are not using a solution focused approach. This fights are not getting anything accomplished.

The book will help you consider some alternatives to knock down, drag out, screaming matches. Things that could actually HELP!!

[Ahoy]

Re: the division of assets, etc.
You will survive it. Many of us on these forums already have. Yes, you could sit around waiting for the spark to return. But one of the few instances that MWD says you might go ahead and D is substance abuse and physical abuse.
The choice is yours, of course.

[MP15]

So I thought things were going well. I was trying to do my part to turn things around. I made sure to greet him when I came home. I sat on the couch with him (he complained I sat separately from him). I smiled and laughed and he bought me a rose to show his appreciation. I bent a bit on the finances (I am quite tight on the money since I'm the only income).
Today is his birthday. I had to work, but thought that this evening we'd do something together. Clearly I needed to state that explicitly because he is out at the bar (again), doing his thing, and told me he'd "probably be home before I go to bed".
He had another plan for tonight, that I found about last Wed, to go to a friends' home with our neighbor. He didn't invite me on that outing either, I had to ask if I was welcome.
He didn't think to ask me if I wanted to meet up with him after I got off work. That's the part that hurts-it feels like he doesn' t even have the thought that on his birthday, he wants to spend it with his wife/his best friend.
I went again my initial urge, which was to cry to my family. I came home, cried it out, now I'm waiting for Chinese delivery and the hell with it.
I hope he comes home late, and I can wait until tomorrow to tell him how I feel, so I have time to decompress and not tell him my feelings while still entrenched in them. Maybe the conversation will be productive instead of him feeling like I'm attacking him.
Am I wrong for feeling so sad about this whole thing?

[MP15]

You know one problem I have. I don't know how to GAL. I am very shy. I am not good at joining new things. I don't initiate. I don't have friends of my own, that are people I can call and talk to or hang out with. My always relied on my husband for that. Any other shy people here successfully get out there and developed a life for themselves?

[MrBond]

If you're naturally shy, why don't you start off slow by joining a yoga or meditation class? Or go to a talk? You don't need to go out being MRs. sociable all of the sudden. Just do what you're comfortable with.

Just the fact that you're telling us this is a big step.

[MrBond]

Still around?

[Sotto]

Hi MP, have you thought about fitness or other classes? I have been doing yoga and aqua aerobics for a while now, and enjoy both. There's no particular need to socialise, but the longer you go, the more people have a little chat or a bit of banter with you. Also, maybe another kind of class? It can be easier to be in company if you are focused on an activity too...

I also enjoy volunteering in my local charity bookstore. That is quite social, but again you chat like you would chat at work - off and on - because you're busy doing other things. Depending on your skills and preferences, there may be other volunteering you might enjoy perhaps.

Also, would you consider a support group related to your sitch? I went to an infidelity group for a while and it was helpful. I'm planning to go to a divorce support group later this year. Often churches organise things like this..

I also go to a book group at our local library, which is pretty low key - a nice one for us book lovers.

Hope there might be something in there you might enjoy and good luck :-)