H is not your friend your friend. H is no longer the man you married. You must get protection and clear boundaries for yourself and your son. You will never regret taking steps to ensure clear boundaries.
I never thought my life would end up this way after 25 years. I am so glad that I was relentless in pursuing a separation agreement. It has been the best way to minimize the financial damage and solidify my rights as a mother and as a wife. Moving forward my H knows those boundaries. Will this save my marriage? Probably not but having it in place did not make things worse either.
Stay strong. Do what you need to do for you and your child.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Julie, It's time to bit the bullet and get a visitation plan in place legally. I'm surprised that the school administrator did not escort the woman out of the building as she was not a parent of a student.
Your h is no longer a friend or someone you thought you knew. He's going to continue to push your buttons and the best way to do that is thru your child for now. Protect your child and yourself...call a lawyer today. Don't put this off another day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I know this is what I need to do. Part of me has been putting off doing anything with separation agreement (besides obviously the cost) is because it would give h a document that would allow him to drop me from his health insurance and that is an expense I cannot take on right now.
However, you are all right. He is not a friend and he is not someone I can trust. A coworker gave me some numbers of places she has heard of that help with custody arrangements at very low cost. I am picking up the phone now. ..
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
So I just heard from a mom that the OW daughter was being introduced at baseball as s's step sister. (Yet h is still gay and they are all roommates)
I told her she was not actually his step sister as his father and I have only been officially separated for a month and that the "labeling " was confusing to s and upsetting to ss.
Was that wrong? Am I just feeding the drama?
I think blending families and naming relationships would be hard enough. But when you throw in the mix the fact that the world at large is being told a different story than the kids. ..
Ss 20 has an intellectual disability. He is able to express on a very simple level his confusion and upset (he says things like "don't get me started that girl is not my sister") My s is not able to vocalize as well his concerns. I know how both my ss feel about situation but I have no idea how s feels or what he understands or how he is processing. ... and that really worries me.
Now here comes the part where I am still an insecure woman I am dreading going to S baseball game on Saturday. It is h weekend so they will all be there. I don't know how I am supposed to react around them.
Last edited by juliegayle; 04/24/1512:41 AM.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Julie, If you don't set the story straight about this step sister business...who will? They aren't married, therefore there's no relationship there by way of marriage.
As for the game this weekend...go and have fun. It's your son's game and whatever those two loony birds do, ignore them. If you see them, sit somewhere else and focus on the game. If you happen to run into them, stay calm. The more you react to them, the more justification that they have for what they are doing and you don't want the public to see a drama play out in front of them. Be the classy lady that I know you are. Think of it as a star performance on stage and do your best at being civil. Nothing more.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I will go to the game, stand tall and ignore them. It is a challenger league so a wide range of abilities. Parents are always in dugout and out on field. I will have fun with my son. I have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
I am having a pity party for 1 kind of day and I don't like it and need to get myself out of it.
My car is due for inspection and registration renewal by end of month. The passenger side window is broken and taped on. thinking about it makes me mad at h. It happened once when he childishly blocked me out of driveway. I tried to pull in around him and hit the mailbox.
There are so many things I took on and learned to do after h "checked out." but cars were always his domain so I have been putting this off. As I was driving around today trying to get this done I was just mad. Mad at him for "breaking the deal" mad at myself as I found another area I had been too dependant on him for. Just mad in general at being alone and having to do everything in the few hours a week I have where I am not at work or with s. Just really missing having a partner.
So I go to the garage and he sends me to the junk yard and their computer is not working and I am just driving aimlessly trying to find somewhere else to go on my new side of town because I am avoiding my old mechanic because he was h friend (even though I know h is really not in touch with any old friends) and then I decide to try crazy glue and sit in car eating cupcakes and cheetos because I am a horrible emotional eater and what is another few ounces on top of what I already gained since BD..
I will fix mirror and get the other stuff done. I will get it done just as I have with every new thing that has come up. I think I just need to call it a day.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Call Safelite and see if they will come to you and repair the window for you. They work w/insurance companies and generally rare very good. It's an honest claim and the window needs to be repaired before inspection.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That was pathetic. .. and now for something completely different.
I have been working on a list of goals in my head for a while. I am going to share these with therapist when I go next week.
It goes without saying that goal 1 is getting car stuff done by Friday. I may take tomorrow off. I just need the time.
And then...
1. finish getting all shelves and pictures hung in new apartment. Keep up with regular cleaning so s and I have an uncluttered and calming home.
2. Maklocal friends. I have 1 woman locally who has saved me over the last 2 years.. I have been chatting with a baseball mom and made plans to Take kids bowling on Sunday. Had a random sit down chat with woman from my Starbucks yesterday. I have just been trying to appear more open and friendly. Also continue to develop friendship with xw1. has nothing to do with h and everything to do with mutual love of her kids (my ss's)
3. Get back to healthy routine of exercising and eating right and lose weight gained since BD)
4.continue to explore sources of assistance and funding for s (leg braces, after care, community integration etc)
5. Make time to do something for myself every once in a while starting with booking night at respite cottage.
6. Work on relationship with mom. We have gotten closer since BD but I have discovered that I hold onto a lot of anger from the past. She is coming to stay with me for summer.
Ok. Those are the biggies. I will start here.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Thanks job.I actually mistyped. The thing holding up inspection is driver side mirror. I have crazy glued it and the electronics still work so I am hoping it will pass. The window is broken but that wont affect inspection. I am planning to fix that over summer when I don't have to pay for aftercare for 2 months. I did check rates and they are reasonable!
BTW baseball was rained out last Saturday so I didn't get to put my acting to the test yet
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
