For anyone who asks, FIDO stands for Forget It and Drive On, one of my favorite mottoes. Concentrate on the things you can change, don't worry about the things you can't, and keep moving forward regardless. Something I've had to re-learn in my current sitch.
Changing the rules means that I'm taking charge and changing the dynamic of my R.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Today was MC day. Felt pretty productive. MC is moving on from the A to more core issues like forgiveness. Me forgiving her for the A, and her forgiving my parents (and by extension, me) for what they did. She was open and receptive to what the therapist told her about forgiveness which was, by the way, pretty close to what I had been telling her for six months. I know that it's going to mean more coming from neutral 3rd parties right now. Hopeful signs, so we'll see.
I didn't mention S today; I should have but I just didn't get it in. I'll mention it next week.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Hey NH I know my D15 is has issues with how W & I are acting and we are usually very quiet and only talk when they are securely away, but the kids might hear and know more than I think. It is understandable that they are scared. I think that mine has no idea what's coming, S17 might guess it and S20 has asked me to divorce her. The only thing that I have told them on my own is that I am sorry for how this affects them. They want us to be happy - and I think they understand if that means apart (as sad as that sounds) They are used to this with their friends divorced parents.
I think that sometimes teenage girls feel that if you hate someone, you leave them. she sees you not leaving your W, she sees you staying and trying.
Keep it up. I really wish you the best
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Sounds like things are going your way. Keep up the good work and hang in there!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Journaling to keep my new thread up under my new ID. Nothing really new. OM is in town today. W didn't mention it, neither did I. He's just another guest, at least that's the way I'm treating it. Her dress this morning was a little shorter than normal, but oh well. Detach, detach, detach
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Race is on Sunday. Running a 4-man marathon relay with three guys I've known for well over 30 years. None of them know about my sitch. W will be with me for dinner the night before and will be at the race so I doubt I will say anything. I ran 8 miles @ 8:30 pace on Sunday. My leg of the relay will be only 6 miles so I know I'm good to go.
It's supposed to be a pretty weekend so hopefully I can get some more flying with students done this week. Ds don't have their respective athletics this week so I'm not on the hook to drive them anywhere.
I'm taking a vacation day on Friday to fly with a couple of students, then sit at a café somewhere with my laptop to just work and reflect. I'm still working on getting my flight instructing business on a more formal footing. I want to expand into online ground instruction and coaching so I need to get my website and blog spooled up. Just trying to find things to work on. I'm not even telling W that I'm taking a day, I just want to be left alone for a few hours, which would never happen if she knew I wasn't at work.
Home is stable. I know that W is at work right now probably swooning over OM, but I'm just not that concerned about it. I'm more worried about the aftermath when he leaves and I get treated to yet another emotional crash and spew session. The MC session went well this week and I feel like she's trying, but his little visits don't help. I know she's trying, but my patience is getting thin.
No further discussion of S. I'm waiting until after her surgery, which is not scheduled yet. I'd be at the house a good portion of the time helping during recovery anyway. It'll take me a few weeks to get finances organized and find a place at any rate.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
I had an epiphany the other day. Sorry if anyone's eyes glaze over, but I'm an aviation geek. It's how I roll.
When W and I talk, I convey that while I have hopes for our M, I'm ready to handle whatever happens. I'm on fire to continue to improve myself and my life and keep things moving forward, no matter what. I don't feel depressed right now. I'm focused on the things that I can directly control, namely me. She's depressed enough that she finds it hard getting out of bed sometimes...she doesn't understand and is angry that I don't seem as devastated as she does. She takes that as saying I don't care about our M, which is far from the truth. I was struggling to come up with a way to illustrate how I feel.
It hit me the other day after flying with a student. We had been up practicing what to do if the engine quits in cruise flight. I asked him, "what's your first order of business in an emergency?". "Pitch for best glide speed?", he said. I answered "No". "Switch fuel tanks?". "No".
I finally said, "The first order of business in any emergency is to fly the airplane." You can follow all the checklist procedures perfectly, but if you lose control of the aircraft, it won't matter. If you keep control of the airplane all the way to the ground, then your chances of survival go up dramatically.
After that it hit me that this was a good metaphor for how I'm trying to handle my sitch. Our M has thrown a rod; there's nothing I can do directly to fix it in-flight (magic words or appeals to reason to "snap her out of it"). I can follow the emergency procedures (DR/DB), but that's secondary. Ultimately I have to keep control of the "airplane" (my life), through GAL, self-improvement, and moving forward, so I can survive the inevitable end state of my sitch. I have hope that the end will be reconciliation, but hoping won't make it happen. This thing may end with my M battered beyond repair, with D the only option, or it may end with a reconciliation. Either way, if I keep control of what I can control, namely my own life and own journey, I'll survive.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
