Kellam, welcome to the form. You already won the prize for the shortest opening post!
If you can tell us some more about your sitch, we'll do our best to help. There are some great people on the forum. Some of us just groping our way along, and others who are wise indeed.
Keep posting. You'll get lots of support and advice here.
Toots :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
My wife and I Have been married fifteen years together sixteen years. We have four year old son. My wife has always been my best friend. She had always had a some what restless sole, but nothing that caused problems. In late 2012 and early 2013 she became Very emotionally withdrawn from me. Then suddenly physical withdrawn. I new some of this was my fought for bringing work issues home and not forefilling her needs emotionally. The more I tried to fix the worse it got. All the red flags were their of an affair. I soon discovered she had met a guy online on a job seeking forum. It was an emotional/physical affair. I caught them together after some heavy investigation. We separated two weeks later and I filed for divorce. After a week or two she wanted to talk and professed how much she loved me and wanted us to a family again. We made a new start she had ended affair and proved it to me. It has been two years ago and we had a wonderful marriage since. I also used divorce busters at that time. In December of 2014 I took a job in a new state for a promotion. She had been wanting to move for a while and really pushed it for a new start and to meet people that new nothing of our past.she moved up with our son a month later December 23,2014. We moved in our new house. She was so happy and excited. Things were even better. She does not work and I told her to put our son full time in school so she could have the day to do what she wanted. She told me she wanted to go to gym like before at night to take a class. I fully supported this.
I noticed some red flags around the end of January. She made the comment to me while driving down the road. We needed friends of our own not couple friends all the time. She said she wanted to try some new hobbies that did not include me. I did not think into it to much but thought this was kind of strange. It seemed that very day she became Very emotionally withdrawn from me again. I asked her one night soon after in bed was everything ok. She said yes and not to start asking all kind of questions like before in 2013. She says you know that drives me crazy. She started staying later and later coming in the house with always a new excuse from the gym. I never made big deal of it even though it bothered me. Than found out her car was over at a house near the gym.
She would never tell me her new friends last names and would get very defensive if I asked about them. She has never been able to lye. She has a guilty look in her face. Then one night she was very concerned before she left for the gym where my son an I were going that night.i told her to a local motorcycle shop. She even asked me the address. I noticed that night she was carrying dress up clothes in her gym bag.i waited until next day and looked in her car and the bag with clothes were in front seat. When I confronted her she got very mad and accused me of checking up on her. Told me she did this deliberately to see if I would check her car. I asked what was going on she said the famous I love you but I am not in love with you anymore saying.
I was in utter shock. I asked what we needed to do. Wife tells me she doesn't know how to fix it, but we needed to work on it for our marriage. The next night she was out with the new friends again. I did not fuss. Two days later tells me she is going out dinner that with her friend. I supported this. I knew she was lying again I went by the house and noticed she was there for 45 minutes than left with a guy and his friend in her car. I waited a couple hours and returned soon they pulled up to the house and went in I walked around back and confronted them. Wife looks at me mad and said I knew you would come here checking on me because you don't trust me. We went home and she told she wants a divorce that night so I got some clothes and left. Two days later she calls wanting me to go marriage couseling but tells me she wants to stay separated for now because she does not know what she wants. I gave up everything for this move. I realize there was problem in our marriage.
How could she do this and turn on me so quick. I have begged and pleaded with here up until yesterday to let me come home while we go to couseling. She refuses saying she would be miserable with me there. It's killing me it's been 3 weeks now. Even though she claims these were friends of hers and they met the others at a birthday party I know she is lying to me. She tries to blame all this on me. Please give me some input. I broke out my divorce busters book again. How can this be so easy for her. It's like she is already over me. Yes I do believe she is having an affair.
Last edited by Cadet; 03/31/1506:39 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
