I wish I could understand my stbx mindset and had a crystal ball. I continue to live my life and no longer ask or imply there will ever be an us. Almost 2 weeks ago we had an argent and again I asked when the divorce will be done. He again said you have to agree to 2 items. I said "fine I will'! He said he'd contact her that day and get it done. And like all the other times nothing! I have emailed the attorney and she ignores me, since it his attorney we are just both using her. I guess I need my own to get it done? He says is very happy and in love with his girlfriend and I can see that true. So why not divorce me? We have no relationship we barely talk. Its been 2 years. H came over yesterday to pick up the kids I talked to him for a minute with the dark black tunnel in his eyes. he really does not want to talk to me I asked him a few questions about a job interview he went on. He told me a little bit about it but it looked like I was giving him a root canal. As usual he never asks about me but I don't expect it. Not much is changed in his life he works about 7 days a week 12 hours a day. That says he's happy?
Last edited by NotAgainPlease; 10/16/1505:08 PM.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I would suggest that if you want the divorce finalized, then you need to get your own attorney. It's very evident that he's not going to do anything about it and since the attorney is on his dime...they aren't going to speak to you.
Is he happy? I seriously doubt it...but that's not your problem.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
She agreed to do both sides since we agreed. Well originally agreed until she said we couldn't do some things we wanted. She used to reply to me but no doesn't. Yes I guess I will have to get my own attorney to finalize it. Since he doesn't seem to want to. Which I don't understand he's the one that left for someone else and wants the divorce the divorce. Now I have to spend money to get it done. She has the retainer and has not hit the limit yet so I don't know why she doesn't want to get it don hit the limit yet so I don't know why she doesn't want to get it done. I guess she's been paid so she doesn't care. He doesn't have to spend any more money.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Hi Not again please. I'm sorry to hear you are still experiencing barriers. I would agree that you need someone who acts for you alone, and who will move ahead as you (and no-one else) instructs. It's probably best to accept that you'll need to make a small investment in your own best interests and to move things forward.
From now on, this can free you from the current L, who will become your H's L if that's what he wants. I would be clear with everyone about your choice, so there is is no ambiguity. Once you have selected your L, you can just advise H and the L that X is now acting on my behalf in this matter. I think once you take control in this way it will end the understandable frustration you've been feeling.
Good luck with things xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thank you for your comment, I agree. It's probably holding me back as well since in my mind I wonder why he doesnt finalize it. One of the other reasons I have not pursued it is for insurance reasons. It looks like if I want to get it done. I will have to do it myself. For some reason he does not want to do it. You'd think after being with her for 2 years he'd want to get it done! He always says he wants it finished and behind him but does nothing!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
This is typical MLC behavior. They lack the energy and have the attention span of a gnat. There are a couple of reasons he doesn't want to finalize it: 1) expense; 2) it will be the end of any caking eating he's been doing; 3) he still wants to keep you on the back burner as Plan B if things don't work out w/the ow, even after all of this time; and 4) he doesn't want to come across looking like the bad guy if he pushes it through. If you do the work, he can then cry and moan that you were the one that pulled the trigger and ended it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
All is true I'm sure but the expense, as its already paid and no cake eating here!😆..never even tried!
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
It's been a really log time since Iv'e been here. I am still married only because the paperwork hasn't been signed. We are supposed to be.
STBXH is now living with OW, she has moved here with her kids and living with STBXH. I still would do what it takes to have my family back together but it looks like it will never be.
Here is where I would like feedback. My STBXH is finally getting a job we sacrificed for. They do a background check and will interview me. I have the power to make him not be able to get the job. They will ask me if he was ever abusive or drink excessively including drinking and driving. Which he was. Do I just say nothing, or do I tell? I so want to be honest and have him not get the job for spite that we all sacrificed everything for years while he was in school/training? Or let him be happy and move on with his new love? I will not get any benefit of his new job maybe my kids will?
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I'm sorry to read that the ow and her kids are living w/your h. Maybe this will help "the lust" bloom to sag and reality to set in. The fantasy of the "affair" is over and done with. At this time, you don't know what the future will hold, but who knows...he may wake up down the road and want to reconcile and ultimately you will be the one to decide yes or no on that...but again...that's a long way down the road, if ever.
As for background checks, you will not be the only one interviewed. You will need to be honest and advise them that you are separated and soon to be divorced. I find it interesting that they want to speak to the spouse. When I have background checks done, they talk to the neighbors, people I work with and my references because they know spouses will lie or tend to color things a bit, especially if they are separated.
So, if they come out and ask you about abuse, drinking and driving...you can honestly state that you do not know what he is doing since he's not lived w/you for quite some time. In the past, he enjoyed a drink or two and then leave it at that. If they ask about abuse, you can honestly say he has a temper and needs to let off steam. You do not need to elaborate unless they ask more to the point questions...but keep in mind, they will be speaking to others as well to determine whether he's going to work out for the company or not. They will also check for arrest records as well.
Be as honest as you can be without coming out and lying...this isn't being spiteful. They want to know what type of employee he is before hiring him. They don't want someone who will be a liability for their company.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm sorry to read that the ow and her kids are living w/your h. Maybe this will help "the lust" bloom to sag and reality to set in. The fantasy of the "affair" is over and done with. At this time, you don't know what the future will hold, but who knows...he may wake up down the road and want to reconcile and ultimately you will be the one to decide yes or no on that...but again...that's a long way down the road, if ever.
As for background checks, you will not be the only one interviewed. You will need to be honest and advise them that you are separated and soon to be divorced. I find it interesting that they want to speak to the spouse. When I have background checks done, they talk to the neighbors, people I work with and my references because they know spouses will lie or tend to color things a bit, especially if they are separated.
So, if they come out and ask you about abuse, drinking and driving...you can honestly state that you do not know what he is doing since he's not lived w/you for quite some time. In the past, he enjoyed a drink or two and then leave it at that. If they ask about abuse, you can honestly say he has a temper and needs to let off steam. You do not need to elaborate unless they ask more to the point questions...but keep in mind, they will be speaking to others as well to determine whether he's going to work out for the company or not. They will also check for arrest records as well.
Be as honest as you can be without coming out and lying...this isn't being spiteful. They want to know what type of employee he is before hiring him. They don't want someone who will be a liability for their company.
Yes, I agree was am happy they are living together. It is finally reality. And he has to live with her kids full time. He is not very accommodating so others children.
This is a background check for Fire fighter/Paramedic. It is very extensive 200+ questions, lie detector and interviews with friends, family etc.
Thank you for your advise, I will keep in mind and do my best.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
