The C starts off by asking how we are. The week had been good for the most part, but I started talking about last Monday, when I came home and got treated to a rant about how she wishes she'd had slept with more men in college; that she feels like her youth was wasted.
I made the mistake of being honest about how that made me feel; that I was sorry I was such a disappointment to her, and that if she wanted to make up for lost time, the door was that way.
All hell broke loose. All the old resentment and blame against me came out. It got so bad at one point that the MC called a time out for both of us.
She says she wants a strong person who is straight with her, but I don't think she means it. That whole strength thing that I was told would help me regain her respect, doesn't seem to work on her. She wants to treat me however she wants, with no repercussions. Whatever I feel or what I want means absolutely nothing to her. She's so wrapped up in her own pain that she has no room for me. And of course, it's my fault.
She thinks I haven't given her enough time to "process" everything, however hell the long that is. It's been almost 11 months since BD. If I call her on her BS, I'm bullying her. If I try to be patient with her, then I allow her to walk all over me. She says she feels no love coming from me, but when I try to be loving, it sails over her head.
Of course all this happens the day before OM comes into town. Great timing, huh? Maybe I should have kept my trap shut for one more week.
If I pull the trigger and leave the marriage, I'm the bad guy who gave up on her and broke up our family. If she pulls the trigger, then I'm the bad guy who treated her badly and made her want to leave.
I'm going to lose no matter what I do.
Sandi, you're not the only one that's dizzy.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
She says she wants a strong person who is straight with her, but I don't think she means it. That whole strength thing that I was told would help me regain her respect, doesn't seem to work on her.
Not done infrequently, no -- you're caught in the worst possible world that way. I still say it MIGHT work -- and is your BEST chance at re-attracting her -- if you do it CONSISTENTLY, and mean it.
Right now, you are passive, passive, passive, AGGRESSIVE. Passive, passive, passive, AGGRESSIVE.
Worst of both worlds. At least total passivity would give you some peace, albeit artificial peace.
She says she wants a strong person who is straight with her, but I don't think she means it. That whole strength thing that I was told would help me regain her respect, doesn't seem to work on her.
Not done infrequently, no -- you're caught in the worst possible world that way. I still say it MIGHT work -- and is your BEST chance at re-attracting her -- if you do it CONSISTENTLY, and mean it.
Right now, you are passive, passive, passive, AGGRESSIVE. Passive, passive, passive, AGGRESSIVE.
Worst of both worlds. At least total passivity would give you some peace, albeit artificial peace.
Starsky
That's a good point. I think I did blindside her today. What I should have done is call her on her BS when she said it, and do that consistently. It's almost like I'm slow on the uptake sometimes. I'll hear her say something, and it doesn't hit me about how disrespectful it is until later. By then it's too late and it starts that passive-aggressive pattern you mention.
Last edited by NH115; 08/03/1510:09 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
I was just doing my Jillian Michael's 30 day shred DVD and man can she push you to your limits. She said something today that never clicked with me before. It was at the end of the workout and she says "I know you feel that knot in your stomach. That is your body getting stronger. That is fear leaving the body!" That is how I am going to look at this whole journey from this point on.
I constantly do the whole "that's what I should have said!" routine too. Don't worry I have no doubt next time you will get it.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Frankly whatever. You are a gorgeous sexy loving man, who loves his kids and is building his business.
Getting on with his stuff, you are worth knowing, being with, loving and having a wild time. Go figure.
Many months I have read your sitch, encouraged, commiserated and observed. You love your W beyond reason and I adore that in NH, it is that enduring quality about you. Frenetic though it is than keeps you loving W.
Let that love stand and detach, please detach. You are able to love W without being dragged about. Detach from the outcome. Then the dizzy stops, then only W goes around in circles, you just watch the whirligig. The guy at the centre of the merry go round is in charge.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 08/04/1512:08 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Frankly whatever. You are a gorgeous sexy loving man, who loves his kids and is building his business.
Getting on with his stuff, you are worth knowing, being with, loving and having a wild time. Go figure.
Many months I have read your sitch, encouraged, commiserated and observed. You love your W beyond reason and I adore that in NH, it is that enduring quality about you. Frenetic though it is than keeps you loving W.
Let that love stand and detach, please detach. You are able to love W without being dragged about. Detach from the outcome. Then the dizzy stops, then only W goes around in circles, you just watch the whirligig. The guy at the centre of the merry go round is in charge.
V
Thanks V, I needed that tonight. Much love to you from across the Pond!
Love beyond reason. I like that. I do feel like it's beyond reason right now.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Yeah...what V said. I can't even begin to think of a better way to say it, so I will just ditto her.
You are a wonderful guy...one who any woman would be a fool to leave. You can make it.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
OM is in town this week. She walked out the door to work this morning wearing the sexiest work-appropriate outfit she owns. If I were to ask her about it, she'd claim it was for her "own self-confidence". Whatever. I don't know what's worse....that she still holds me and her marriage in such low regard that she wants to dress that way around him, or that she apparently thinks I'm an idiot.
Unlike last time, I'm not waiting on pins and needles to see what happens. She'll make her choices, I'll make mine.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
