I didn't realize it had been this long since I updated. Things are actually pretty smooth right now. She's been a lot warmer. She started calling me spontaneously during the day; her outlook and demeanor are greatly improved...there was even the beginning of an ML session last night...until a very untimely visit from one of the girls.
Miles to go before I sleep, but things for the moment are actually looking up. Stay tuned.
Last edited by NH115; 09/24/1501:31 AM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Thanks V and Dawn. I'm still not sure what to make of it, been at this far too long, but the atmosphere in the house is far more pleasant...enough for me to give us another few months before I reassess our situation. Here's hoping.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Things seem to be on an upward trajectory...I think. She's a lot warmer and more affectionate than she used to be. For the most part happier. She has rough spots, a lot of the time triggered by things that have nothing to do with us; but by and large her whole demeanor and rhetoric are vastly improved. We get along great...even had our first ML session in a few months last week. Not the best we've ever had, but you gotta start somewhere. She seems to really want to rebuild things with me and talks like we have a future. If I didn't know better I'd say we were firmly in piecing...
But...(There's always a but).
I can't shake the feeling that I'm fooling myself. That I have more enthusiasm for this than she does. There's nothing specific; by everything I can tell things are a lot better. I have no evidence to tell me this...am I paranoid? Am I reading too much into things? Maybe I've just been on guard so much the last year that I'm having trouble relaxing. Is this normal in early piecing, to feel like the other person isn't fully in yet?
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Unfortunately my trepidation was validated last night.
We've been getting along really pretty well, had a good but busy weekend, and then she has another meltdown last night. Says she doesn't feel connected to me, can't be intimate with me, yada yada yada. It's really getting to the point where I know what she's going to say before she says it. Same words, over and over and over again.
I don't think I handled it very well; I got angry, because I had let myself get comfortable and hopeful. I almost preferred it when she would call me in the middle of the workday and scream at me about ruining her life, because at least then I knew where I stood. Now things are OK most of the time until things like this happen. The whiplash is killing me.
She says she's trying to process all our issues and move on, but how does repeating the same script to me ad nauseam help? I can't take any more responsibility than I have. There is no way on heaven or earth that I can do something that makes everything better. Basically what she wants involves time travel and never making the mistakes I made to begin with. She swears that she's invested in rebuilding our marriage. Really? The meltdowns are fewer and farther between than they have been, but when they happen, it's like nothing has ever gotten better.
When I say meltdown, she's not necessarily being angry and loud at me; it's more like she gets in this depressed panicky state and suddenly any progress we have made is just forgotten.
Is this what piecing looks like? I expected slow, but this erratic?
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Took a break from the boards to concentrate on a few other things.
Seems to me that our situation is far better. She's having occasional moments of doubt and nervousness, but it's nothing like it was...no spew. She's almost normal much of the time, and we're getting along great. She talks like we actually have a future. The IC she started really seems to be paying off.
Sex is still off, but my understanding is that it's one of the last things to come back. Is that true?
I find myself getting angry from time to time, not in any way that I show her, but I keep thinking the same thing...that this woman tried to fire me as her husband, separate me from my kids, toss me out of my home, sleep with other men in our bed (didn't actually try that, but wanted to), separate me from an extended family of inlaws that I had become quite attached to, and on top of it all, demanded at one point that I pay her for the experience.
If I couldn't forgive, I wouldn't still here, but I'll never forget.
Is this normal during piecing?
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
I'm not sure if it's "normal" in piecing but I'm here to tell you I'm right there in the same spot you are .... All I can tell myself is to continue to work in myself, be patient and allow her to process through things and pray we can connect.... Emotionally/physically/spiritually better
Good to hear your update NH .... Keep it up and hang in there. I keep telling myself this is hard , but think of all those on the board who would love to be where we stand at this moment ...... With a chance
She seems to really want to rebuild things with me and talks like we have a future. If I didn't know better I'd say we were firmly in piecing...