I don't want to move out and agree with you! So do I call her bluff? She said if I don't go she will find a place and take the kids. Financially we cant afford it. A small studio or 1br would be pushing it. I basically have the month of December to make changes in myself before she either moves out or tries to get me to go again. No abuse at all in our relationship.
My wife has been totally against any type of counseling. I like the idea you have here with counseling to co parent. How do I find a DB counselor in my area? I'm talking with someone on the phone that has been very helpful for me but for her I think in person would be best. Don't know if she will agree to it but I'd like to be ready if she ever is ready to talk to someone!
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Now I understand a lot of what I have done wrong in our relationship and also understand I need guidance on how to become a better person. She always told me that I only thought about myself. I didn't see it until now! She is right I have been selfish to her and the kids. Not mean or hurtful just never gave 100%. That part is my fault.
So is this the only thing that is wrong with your relationship? The only thing that will make you a better person?
You have been getting DB counseling, what does your DB coach say?
You are right, part if it is your fault that the marriage is having problems. We are all partially at fault. However, it is not your fault she is having an A and giving up on the M. That is a choice that she made instead of working on the M. Work on the things you know you have done wrong and be the best man you can be. However, be sure not to blame yourself entirely for this mess. It takes two people for a marriage to work.
Get into the DB books and start implementing the techniques Don't half ass it. The longer you wait the harder it will be. This is a great board and a great place to come for support. However, nothing can make up for your willingness to stay committed to following DB
Hang in there buddy
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
No I have a laundry list of things that I know I need to change about myself. the coach likes what I am doing. Only issue is that being away my wife cannot see those changes.
I don't want to move out and agree with you! So do I call her bluff? She said if I don't go she will find a place and take the kids. Financially we cant afford it.
No, don't call her bluff. Stand your ground and tell her you are not the one wanting to end the marriage, so you are not leaving the home. If she wants to leave, then you won't stop her, however, neither will you help her.
Does she work outside the home? Does she have family in the same town as where you live?
If she's wanting to end the M, why do you assume you will have to be responsible for her finances?
If it were me, I would check the law in my state to see where I stood with the house, the kids, child support, etc.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
