Thank you for posting I want to be happy in my skin my whole life has been me and my W then the kids I have not got many friends however I do have a few good male friends I have started playing snooker with one of my friends he plays badminton and tennis and has suggested that I join him at the local club I still like to spend time with my W we still go out as a family or we sometimes W watch tv used to watch box sets and we have the same interest in programs is it wrong to spend time with her ? I need to loose a few stone so getting to the gym would be a good idea I have been clinging onto her since she told me it was over I do worry that ending up in seperate houses will signal the end and time and distance will really put space between us. I know she has the right to live her life the way she wants to but I was hoping for the sake of our children and the love that I have for her she would over time soften her heart to me
With Feb 14 th fast approaching would you get your ex something to show her you still love her
So how can you become more happy in your own skin? What positive steps can you take towards that?
You have a few good male friends - that's great. Are you reaching out to them and seeing them regularly? If they have kids, might the kids join you too?
I think it's okay to spend some time with your W - but also do your own thing sometimes okay? She's not going to get chance to meet you if you're right there the whole time.
So, you feel getting to the gym would be a good idea. What positive steps are you going to take there?
If you cling to her, that may push her away. You can be pleasant to her, but get out to the gym and do things with friends when you can too..
As for Feb 14th - you could get a card and small present to have in reserve just in case, but I wouldn't initiate with a gift. She's telling you she wants you guys to separate just now...
Keep posting and start taking some definite steps towards where you want to be....:-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
With Feb 14 th fast approaching would you get your ex something to show her you still love her
Don't buy gifts and flowers to give her. That is pursuit. Why would a man want to give his ex something to prove he still loves her? This is not the time to do those kind of things, and especially when she has removed herself from the MR with you.
You are experiencing strong feelings for her b/c she dumped you. It is especially true for a co-dependent H. It is YOU that has an intense need to show her how much you love. But, she doesn't have that need, doesn't want you, and doesn't want you pursuing her with flowers, cards, candy, gifts, etc. When she left the M, she left behind what came along with the MR.
This is the time to pull back and allow her space, and allow her to see her life without you in it. She has rejected you, the MR, and your love. Giving her things to show you still love her keeps you attached, and pushes her further away.
Here's the thing with a WW, she will not truly appreciate your love as long as nothing changes for her. She has to experience the loss of you before there's a chance of her wanting back in the MR. Instead of "showing" her you still love her, I suggest you keep those feelings to yourself. You don't have to stop loving her.......but now is not the time to demonstrate it.
You can do other things, such as becoming stronger, more confident as an individual standing on your morals and values. Using resources to create a new & improved man.......IMHO, is a man who is genuinely proving his love. You would be getting yourself ready to deal with whatever she threw at you......should she want return(and I think she will if you will play your cards right).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sotto thank you for your post I work out three times a week at the gym and am slowly loosing weight I have started to eat more healthy so this is a change for the better Sandi thank you for your words of encouragement I have been reading your threads that you sent me there is a lot to read the problem I have is I cannot see anything but bitterness and anger from her along with the resentment she is full on last night we talked talking does not get us anywhere but I do try and explain why I did things and how sorry I was for not recognising how my actions wraps causing her to feel upset She is resentfull feels anger towards me her heart is vey deep comes from a hurt heart
Yesterday she said but you still make me feel unhappy you are the only person who does this. I am reading as much as I can trying to understand what to do. She wants to be in different houses has seen a place she likes has started boxing up the house I am not going to be able to stop her from wanting to live apart perhaps this has to heppen as part of the process I do not know which of our children will live with me and which will Ilive with my W either way I do not want to be apart from any of my children but it is going to happen.
Getting back to boxing up things I really cannot bring myself to start every time I try and start I feel so so unhappy this is not something that I want I just feel I do not get to decide
I have been going out with my male friends I do not feel good about myself I look in the mirror and see a middle aged overweight balding guy who I believe in some way deserves for this to be happening I do blame myself my W did try telling me over the years how unhappy she was I just did not hear it or react to her upset I guess I chose the easy life but now she has so so much resentment I still focus a lot on her I need to focus on me and what I need but this comes back to wanting to save the marriage
I am a bit late to the party , but I have overheard a listened to waywards and the general complaint they give is that they want to more than just a wife mother and housewife. Not sure how to resolve that one but I will suggest some things for you and the vets to consider. 1) explain you were unhappy because of the burden of being only a husband , provider and caretaker. 2) take her to a concert that she would enjoy 3) do something exciting you did when you met
