I'm concerned because you've described yourself as being in a position where you're considering (in my view) over-investing in him right now because you're afraid to lose him. That is a red flag to me.
So my question is: What is the best thing for your kids? I would say it is your making sound, rational decisions based on the best and most complete information you have in order to give them the most stable, loving home you can provide. Would allowing yourself or the kids to get attached to someone who may not be there in a year provide the best life and stability for the kids?
I second what mutatio said about the turtle's pace.
Gee I'm happy for you, CP, and know this isn't a rebound. Remember that we all have triggers and fears from all of the heartache and deception we've been through the past couple of years, including this new guy, especially as he was not a DBer.
It's probably much harder for him, not having gone through the process. Of course he is scared. Scared of being vulnerable, scared of being abandoned, scared of trusting, scared of being hurt again. We all are.
But I truly believe the chance of finding love again is worth the risk of being hurt again. You have done the work, and know what you are looking for in a life partner. But he has not. So all you can do is to show him that you are not his ex wife, that you are not controlling or vindictive, that you live your life honestly with class, honor and dignity, and that you do not expect him to become some sort of instant father to your (amazing) kids. And the only way to do that is to show him through your consistent actions.
I agree with Mutatio, go slowly, but DO take the risk and give love a chance. And I love you CP
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Aw shucks Linda Loo, love ya too. I am scared because i have really fallen for him and I feel incredible. He is a man who feels things very deeply and is very emotional. So he is feeling strong loving feelings for me but also scared and anxious about all that other stuff.
I haven't posted on here in about a year Linda so it's probably long gone.
You can't get in to much trouble if you take it slow. Even if your taking it slow attachment may occur.To some extent it sounds like it has. This is not a bad thing, just be careful. You kids need a mom in the here and now not a broken shell of a mother.
If you don't know where your going, any road will take you there.
