Ghost taking baby steps

[ATPeace]

Gone to my. Sisters 4 HR drive from home taken my two boys I am really missing little girl feel I want to call home but this would mean speaking to Wife

One day so far I go home tomorrow should be able to be away from her for a day

[Huddy]

Ghost/ATPeace

It seems you are never gonna stop spinning. I can see the same questions being raised again and again. Look, let's be brutal, your M is over, your W is cake eating and you're facilitating. We all know the pain you're in but I don't know what anybody can say that'll make you realise that you can't fix this, you can only manage the here and now.

Everybody want to help you, but the best thing you can do is help yourself.

[rd500]

Ghost. I am still sceptical but if you want to speak to your D , pick up the phone !!!!

THIS IS YOUR D. GET A GRIP , IT DOESNT MATTER THAT W WILL ANSWER ,, ASK TO SPEAK TO D ,,,, END OF

I'm not sure your posts are real , I've been on here' over a year and I've never seen anyone ignore so much advice

The pain is real and it has to be dealt so man up and follow the books and the advice on here or wallow Your choice

Take care. Rd

[sandi2]

I think you may see this as a form of DBing, IDK. Can you tell us what it is you are trying to do....or not do... by avoiding your W answering the phone?

[Fogg]

Personally I just think it's the codependency. I had similiar feelings thoughts in the beginning but the shock of an A forced me past it. It was painful and violent but I survived. For those of us with no other partners before our W's it's not just loosing our W, its losing everything. We really have based our entire existence on this M. It would be easier to rip off 1/2 our limbs than the attachment to them. We base so much of who we are on the R that we know nothing else much less who we are. Theres this black void of unknown in front of us that's full of crippling fear. He thinks if his W comes back it can all work, it can all be better and it can be fixed. There is no alternative other than than the fear or the M. Or so we think when the fear is still blinding us.

[sandi2]

I brought this statement over from your last thread:

I could be Well on the way to a breakdown I would prefer not to loose everything but at the rate that I am going i probably will and I will have no one to blame except myself.

This is the reason I have been concerned and wanting you to get professional help with how to cope mentally.

I have also noticed something in your threads, and that is how you appear to want to scratch that current thread and start a new one....in hopes that your mindset will change with it.....or somehow a new thread will bring luck. At some point in the new thread, You start spinning and can't figure out how to deal with it, so you just stop and start another one. (Not every time, of course, but I have noticed it some). You have used titles that sound inspiring, and even changed your name. You re-read books, links, rules, posts, etc., but you are either an extremely fast reader.....or you aren't comprehending what you read, probably due to the fact your brain is spinning. Are you truly finishing what you start? Am I anywhere close to the truth there?

I say all of this with concern in my heart, and no sarcasm. I am concerned that one day we just won't see anymore posts or new threads b/c in your frustration you will give up and quit posting all together. You surely must feel that you can't get it right, b/c I see that in your writings. I have to hand it to ya......you have kept getting back on that horse trying to ride again. Yes, we get frustrated at times, b/c we want to see you succeed. I hope you believe it.

I also hope this little break will somehow help you feel a little better. I hope you had a good trip and visit.

[ATPeace]

Fogg to answer your statement I have only iver been with my W. And have had no other partners and neither has she so we both may be in the same mindset

I have been away with my boys and it has been a great couple of days I will be heading home shortly and obviously my W will be at the house

Do we just chat when we get home

A question she wants out the marriage should I ask her to leave the home and move into rented leave me in the house with the kids is this what I should do

I was also thiinking if it would make any sence in renting out aremhouse and then us both renting separate houses for six months is this sensible to see how we both feel about being separate

The fact that I have not had much communication with my W over the past two days do I when I get home just pretty much keep my self to my self

I realise I am still saying things that relate to my W

I am trying to move myself forward here

Sandi I really aprichate your post

[ARose]

Ghost, I think you need to get some space in your living arrangement. My H is still here and it is torture. He is leaving in 2 more weeks and not at all what I want but the closer I get to his "leave" date the more I realize that living with him, having to see him coming and going and glaring at me and sometimes interacting and sometimes not is absolutely chipping away at my soul.

I don't know your finances. Maybe rent your nice big house and use the money to rent two smaller places. Maybe sell. I don't know the logistics, but I think it is time to separate physically before you crash.

[rd500]

Hi Ghost. I appreciate the Xmas wishes. I have been sceptical of your posts but Sandi ( as usual ) made me look at it differently. ( as did Fogg ).

Can I ask if you accept the M is over ? Because it is. A new M may be possible but it's months and more likely years away

I can't begin to compare to Sandis advice but I will add my thoughts. W is gone , that's really sad and a huge blow for you It is reality though so you can accept that or not.

Imagine the divorce is final and now you have to move on What's next ???


You have to sell family home and rent or buy somewhere else , so start looking.


Carry on as if W is done for ever and now do what's best for you and your kids because that's the reality for now

I've read you and Fogg and while I see your point of only being with one person , please believe even if you have been with lots of ladies , the W is the one you really loved and cherished and it's just as tough for the rest of us.

Love is love and we all held our WAS as the " the one " otherwise we would not be here

I still analyse and look for signs but I have accepted M is over. It's a big step but a needed one.

Take care. Rd

[Calibri]

Ghost,

This is going to sound really harsh. And it's not meant to be. However.....

There are worse things in life that can happen than getting divorced.

It may not seem like it. But its the truth.

I agree with what RD says. Accept that your marriage is over. BECAUSE IT IS.

Worse case scenario? You're divorced and you start over.

Best case? You become a better person and maybe, or maybe not you have a new R with your W or a new partner.

You can either pull yourself together, and move forward with your life. Or you can continue to stick your fingers in your ears and go "LALALALALALA I can't hear you," and ignore everything and everyone.

Would you be acting this way is your W (god forbid) had passed away? Would you just stop functioning and go, "my W is gone, and I don't want her to be gone, so I'm just going to curl up into a ball and not deal with anything?"

Or would you have a good cry, mourn, but pull yourself off the floor and continue on with your life.....not only for you, but your children as well?

The choice is yours.