I am 37 and my wife is 38. We have been together for 8 years since 're- kindling our romance and will have been married for 5 years next Friday. We have 3 kids one 11yo daughter from her 1st marriage ( she was married for almost 2 years) and two boys 7 and 4yo. My wife separated from me 6/1/15, living in the same house and different beds (couch for me) ever since. I have toiled around and tried to win my wife back by breaking every one of Sandi's 37 rules, steadily pushing her away. The initial reason for her leaving me was because she accused me of cheating on her (not true) however through the last few months the rationale has shifted to the immense void and unhappiness that we had and how she fell out of love with me. She has been going through a quasi MLC and has recently talked about us living apart, which terrifies me. I feel like I have lost her respect and have no idea how to regain it. My kids break my heart and I would do anything to have the marriage that I deserve and be able to give them the family that they deserve. I'm not very hopeful but I guess it's worth a shot.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Ok so it's been a while and I have been reading and have been in awe of how similar my sitch is to those around the forum. It's amazing how the many WW and WAW act so similar. It is also amazing to see how similar the LBH's actions are.
Ok so it's been a while and I have been reading and have been in awe of how similar my sitch is to those around the forum. It's amazing how the many WW and WAW act so similar. It is also amazing to see how similar the LBH's actions are.
Hello, Melo. I'm sorry that you find yourself here in the land of LBSs. Please do hare a bit more of what's been going on up until this point.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
What do your kids say about you sleeping on the couch? Don't you think the one who wanted out of the M should take the couch?
In-house separation is very, very tough. From what I have observed, it is like having your life slowly drained away.
The lack of respect and resentment toward her H seems to be the first steps to a woman closing down her heart. I have several threads about wayward wives, if you want to read them. If you see your W in what is said in those threads, I think it will give you a clearer direction on what you can do.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
