Floating along,,,,

[Di-mond]

JksD,

Too bad you can't come on the party bus. I'm still not 100% sure I can go. Between exams and specialist appointments it doesn't give me much wriggle room. But ....I do so deserve a break. I worked hard for it over the past year. Anniversary of BD is coming April 1st. My whole life has changed since then.

JellyB,

I know a caring, empathetic person lurks somewhere inside my H. I just haven't seen him often in the past couple of years. I love my H, but more and more I don't have the feeling of being "in love" anymore. I come see him for a few days every 3 or 4 weeks. The rest of the time is spent on me, my happiness, my health, my schooling, my animals, my kids, my mom, my brothers, my home. He has no influence on any of those. My goodness, I almost sound selfish. So far removed from the overbearing caretaker personality I used to possess. I will stand for my marriage, hope for the best and live my life to the best of my ability.
I will celebrate finishing my first semester of college....hopefully with you and the girls on a party bus somewhere in the good ole USA.

V,

Thank you so much for stopping by on my thread. I always feel so proud of myself when I receive praise from you.

Kind of like your favourite teacher giving you an A in DBing.

I hope things are going well for you and hope you enjoy spending some time with your Glam sister.

[Di-mond]

V,

Just got caught up on your thread. I'm really sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time right now and that Glam Sis has cancelled. Do take care of yourself and rest as much as you can. You are doing everything possible to deal with your issues and that is so admirable.

Hugs and prayers!

[mutatio]

Are you going to be a Vet? Is my understanding of what your studying correct? If not, in what direction do your studies and interest guide your path?

[Di-mond]

The course I'm taking at the moment is Veterinary Administration. My goal is to eventually have my own business in alternative (holistic) animal care.
Just recently, the government in Ontario announced more funding (grants) for post secondary students in lower income brackets. Since I've been on disability for almost a year I will qualify for that. This will give me the funding to continue on with my studies for another year and hopefully get my diploma as a Veterinary Assistant.

On the side I try to learn as much as I can about alternative therapies and have found quite a few interesting courses that are right up my alley. Massage therapy, kinesiology, essential oils, behaviour therapy, hydrotherapy, nutritional supplements, reiki etc.

You have to understand that I have had a menagerie of animals throughout my life. Close to 15 dogs, probably over 50 cats, bunnies, Guinea Pigs, Hamsters, Chipmunks, ducks and even a little garter snake for a while. I have always loved taking care of my animals and in general, except for when there were serious illnesses (cancer, feline AIDS, auto immune diseases, etc.) or accidents, we (my mom, brother, children and I) have done extremely well using alternative therapies on our animals. Most of our cats live to over 20 and dogs well into their teens. I want to learn more so I can not only help my animals, but others as well.

I have nothing but respect for veterinarians and for the most part the ones I have come across have been knowledgable, helpful and kind. I have learned a lot from my animals veterinarian. She also knows that I want to know every detail, down to the nitty gritty. These are my fur babies!

A large issue for me is cost. My family is not wealthy, we have been ok with money, but vet costs are insane sometimes. We have on occasion circumvented huge vet bills by using alternative therapy.

For example, we have a diabetic cat that for some time needed daily insulin injections. We slowly changed his diet after some extensive research and he is now insulin free and lost weight. So did the other cats in the house. All their diets were changed to be healthier. I also have a cat that has a condition called Megacolon. When he was first diagnosed I was given the option of surgery to remove part of his colon ($2000) or euthanize get him. Again I did research and found a wonderful online community of fellow pet parents of Megacolon kitties. Through massage therapy, diet changes and natural laxatives, he is still here 5 years later.

This is what I want to do for other pet owners. Educate and help them find a better way to get and keep their animals healthy. I have a long way ahead of me, but it will be so worth it!

[mutatio]

That's cool! You make the world a better place, one pet at a time. Bringing care and comfort to helpless animals is a very honorable and compassionate life's work. You are a fine woman Di

[Di-mond]

Saturday night....sitting here by myself. Playing Candy Crush and watching TV.
Not very exciting.

I really need to get more of a life. My school work has preoccupied me as of late. I need to get out of the house. Exercise more. Go for walks with my doggie.

Not tonight. Tonight is a glass of red wine and chocolate chip cookies.

[Pax_luv]

Good GAL intentions, Di. I find that if I plan it ahead of time and actually schedule them into my calendar, I'm more apt to follow them. Meanwhile, Red wine and chocolate chip cookies sound AMAZING! Enjoy

[Di-mond]

Not much to report. Detaching more and more.
I don't think about H as much as I used to.
He puts zero effort into our relationship. I'm tired of being the only one trying.
I don't hate H. Still love him very much, not in love with him, at least right now.

Our BD anniversary is coming up this week. Do I do something? Do I force the issue?
I know he will never file for divorce. Number one he can't afford it, number two that would mean he actually has to take an action. Our whole M, looking back on it now, things really only ever got done if I made it so. I think about filing, about just ending it, but I know for now I will do nothing. Maybe my feelings will change, maybe his will. Getting a D now really has no effect on my life at all.

I really think having the one year looming close is making me think about it more, rather than just living life. I can now file (one year separation). Also think back to getting married. We were married a year after we met. Now we have been apart for a year.

I never thought this would drag out so long. I thought it would be resolved one way or the other. Be back together or be done. Nope, here I am a year later and not done and not back together. But I am not the same person I was a year ago. Things really don't faze me like they used to. I made it through hell, where some days were so dark and painful that I thought I would die. I didn't die! I still feel the pain some days. I learned to let things go that are out of my control. Worry less, enjoy life more.

Work in progress.

Exams in a few weeks. Lots of studying to do.

For tonight I'm just hoping not to loose power again. Thanks to the ice storm last week, we were without power for 24 hours and spotty for days thereafter. Lots of trees down everywhere. Tonight we are having thunderstorms and heavy rainfall. Always something!


Now I'm going to float off to sleep, watching the lightning flashes.

Happy Easter everyone......he has risen!

[Di-mond]

It's been a long time.

And poof it's over.

H says he wants a divorce and has gone NC with me.

Hit me a bit harder than I thought it would.

Not much I can do. Told him that I do not want a divorce and he would have to file it. Wallowing a bit, hard time sleeping and lost 15 lbs (yeah DB diet).

Planning a trip overseas next month. That should lift my spirits.

[bigybiz]

Sorry to have met you in these circumstances. Congrats on your achievement through the DB diet. A trip overseas would be an amazing GAL.

Yes, we are never quite ready, no matter how prepared we think we are. Make him do all the work e.g. file, etc. We can't let them off the hook and reward their bad behaviour.

Remember sleep is a habit. Go to bed at the same time - even if you are not tired, etc. Sometimes I fall asleep on the sofa, wake up at 2am - then brush my teeth, etc and I'm wide awake for hours. So now, I try and get PJ's on brush teeth etc early (10:30ish). In case I fall asleep with S10 and/or so I'm ready when 12m comes.

Nice to meet another Cannuck. I was thinking about starting a thread for Canadians. I've noticed there are a couple of times where the cultural differences have really showed up in some of the posts on my thread. What do you think?

I'm in Toronto proper - so I'd be happy to buy you a Tim's if you are ever in the town.