Here's my new thread and I still am struggling with this NC business. I should call the thread NYGal Still Trying Everyone's Patience.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Thanks so much Anna. I struggle so much and I keep trying.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
the more I think about those caught up in affairs...
i believe that guilt is a really really uncomfortable feeling.. and the more the W/H sees you, hears you and feels your pain.. the greater the guilt.. and the more they want to run away from the guilt (which they think is caused by you, not their actions)
so i think that is part of the reason that NC works.. you are no longer there to blame for all this uncomfortable feelings...
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Wonka, I do a mean electric slide... And a great tush push. Where r u?
Needgrace, you would think that the A partner would inspire more guilt than the LBS. it's all backwards and mixed up.
Our friends who survived an affair are telling me communication is so important and that I should show W what a new R with me could look like. Another friend, after hearing me say all I have been doing to learn and grow, said, does W know all this? I said no, that it doesn't make much sense to just say you've changed if you don't have the opportunity to show it. Two weeks ago she went from saying we've broken up to we are "separated". And when she had dinner with those same friends, they say she didn't even mention ow. And that she said leaving me was the hardest thing she ever did. Which begs the question... Then why tf did u do it?...
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Also, Needgrace, I don't want her to see my pain, I want her to see my strength and courage and awesomeness! But how....
Tonight a new straight friend asked if I run into W much and if I know where she likes to go. I asked why. She said she'd be happy to pose as my date and inspire a little jealousy. That's what friends are for!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I see each interaction with her as an opportunity to move this thing along. I'm so miserable and so I put on a great act when I see her, but I lose my patience and push a bit too far. Last night she texted and asked if I would give her one of my bikes back. It's a commuter bike that is my backup should my regular one be out of commission. When we were together I always let her use it. My first thought was NO! But I didn't want to be harsh. So I found some dancing emoticons and sent one shaking it's head in an incredulous and emphatic no. It was late and I was astounded to get a text back immediately- a bike. So I texted again, this time a big dancing Ha Ha Ha. She texted back UR so tech savvy!! I was thrilled and resisted the urge to send one more, and just let it drop. Then I've been thinking about the fact that W was up so late to text me. Very unusual. So then I imagined that they text a lot and flirt and are enjoying the forbidden fruit of a still mostly secret affair where they hold back and see each other secretly and that builds the passion and intensity and THAT'S why she can't or won't let it go. She must still be deep in affair fog and it's getting thicker, not dissipating at all. That's the way I drive myself crazy. Yesterday she asked if I'm going to yoga and mentioned that she is. I said no, and that I'm going to another class right after yoga. She seemed glad that I'm still going. So I will probably see her there.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Stay strong, NYGal. No mind reading. It doesn't do any of us any good. Be civil, light and abrupt if you see her. Don't push - you seem like you are doing well and have a good sense of your db'ing. Keep it up!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
