You know I have great admiration for your determination too. Especially with the physical limits your illness gives you. I note your awareness of your Hs limitations.
Peace
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
To experience trepidation when one puts their head on the pillow alone is distressing but when one wakes up from a unconscious event with disturbing images like you described, it must be unnerving to say the least. There can be no refuge in sleep if it leads to such moments. My dear Vanilla, I wish I had words to offer that would give you solace in this struggle. Please know you are loved and many people are here to lean on during your struggle. Peace
I am gradually detaching from feeling sad that WH is that way, his behaviour his choices. This morning he wakes a year older wherever he is, an adulterer behaving abusively with great losses in his life, including the loss of himself. I have no forgiveness for him, and I have detached myself from the need to forgive. That is society's demand, that forgiveness will heal me, trying to forgive just gave me guilt. And my failure to do made me ashamed, it is WH to ask his higher power or for that higher power to grant it.
I am happy that you admitted this. My abusive relationship was my first relationship. I was still a teenager when I met him. It has been 20 years, and I have still not forgiven him. I too have absolutely no desire to. I am so happy that you bring this up. (If pm was possible I would post to you what he did)
What is important though is forgiving yourself for trusting someone and for allowing some one to treat you badly. Your soul will forgive you. I think of myself as having gained depth and empathy for others going through such difficulties. It is easy to wright people off and simply say "people will do what you allow them to". But as we know, it is a lot more complex.
To a large extent my PTSD is my circus, my monkeys not WHs issue. My reaction and my healing. Once you were able to get out, you have prepared by entrenching yourself in research to understand the nature of how someone is capable of treating someone this way and why it is allowed. Very important to prevent it from happening again. It is amazing that you have become self taught in a field that is highly different from your own. You Are proactive. I hope you realize how amazing this is.
I truly hope my openness will help others, what they make of it is of course their choice. That My journey is open is important to me, from time to time I read my threads over again. I choose one thread and I have hope that I can heal.
yes your perspective is always of great help.
Thank you Ju for being a fellow traveller on my journey. V
It'll take time, and you already know this. Trauma always takes time. Continuous, invasive trauma takes a bit longer. However, you are a very strong, intelligent, caring woman, and that will be your greatest ally. You've done the research. You've consistently been doing the work, which is where most fail.
You being the amazing V will get you through it all.
The only direction I can give you for finding more information is to continue looking up articles, treatment methods, research, etc on PTSD and abuse (E, P, S). Educate yourself and keep doing the work.
{{{V}}}
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
